How To Swing Without Falling in Love?

It’s an issue more swingers deal with and think about than you might imagine: How do you have sex with someone and not form some sort of bond? How do you keep yourself from falling love?

Our experts at SDC.co have their own opinions on the matter, but we want to know what our valued readers and members think about this. Weigh in on this member’s concerns, and let us know how you feel about the Lifestyle and falling in love.

When It Ended

I have an important issue. I have been in a long distance relationship for 3.5 years now. I always wanted a monogamous relationship. I always thought that that was the best way for me. We recently broke up due to a difference of opinion. When we broke up he interacted with another woman. Which hurt me badly. And when I finally got to talk to him a couple of weeks later, I asked him if we are still together. And that I need to be married to him because of American law (I am a Dutch citizen, and if I want to stay with him, we need to be married according to American law).

He Proposed Swinging

He told me he got cold feet because of my attachment to him. That I expect him to be a certain way and he gets stressed. And when I asked him how I could make sure we would both be happy, he told me (he used to be more monogamous in the past, and I think due to me not being able to stay longer then maximum 3 months at a time) that he wants to be a swinger. For us to be swingers. And I knew of the term swingers. I asked him what he meant with swingers when he thought about it. He said he would like us to befriend people, make friends, and that when we know each other a bit better, that we would swap partners.

Many Questions and Nobody To Ask

First, I didn’t know how to act on what he said. It triggered my curiosity. Due to my religion and the way I am, I believed in a monogamous relationship. For me, if we decide to swap to overcome his commitment fears, knowing we can swing if he wants to (me too, as well), then I am willing to do that. I just have many questions and nobody to ask.

  • I want to know if we aren’t married yet how to get successfully married, and how to let him know we can add swinging to our marriage.
  • How to make sure that our initial relationship is monogamous (meaning that he is my husband first and foremost. That my heart and soul is with him, and that I want a stable family life, feeling secure and safe with him).
  • How to make sure that our love is monogamous between us emotionally, and mentally. That we just share our sexuality with other people that we befriend, and who we can hang out sexually and non-sexually, as well.
  • How to keep family and our life separate from the occasional swinging. I love him. He is the love of my life. And he has had a bad marriage before. It isn’t easy for him to commit himself to a marriage.

Need to Know the Do’s and Don’ts

How can I/we make sure that we can have a successful marriage without him eventually cheating on me? That it will not be an invitation to be sexual with someone else outside of me knowing about it.

I need to get the best tips I can get. To make sure he keeps his identity, and for me to know the rules of swinging to keep my marriage safe. I also need to ensure that he doesn’t fall in love due to swinging. Who can help me? I am open for all the advice I can get. The do’s and don’ts. And how to swing with befriended couples (I don’t like to swing just by going to a club and swapping. Emotionally, I need to feel secure). Can you help me?

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Maddy V
Dutch journalist and editor. Specialized in writing articles about sex, health and relationships.