How to Be Sexy & (Voluntarily) Celibate

I know what you’re thinking…

I know what you’re thinking…

You’re thinking: “Marla! What has gotten into you? You? Celibate? On purpose?”

And the answer is: “Yes.”

“But you teach about how to have better sex and better orgasms. Why would you even promote celibacy in your lustful world?”

And the answer is, simply, that I haven’t tried it before.


Taking that Sexual Journey


You know that I’m a hardcore fan of trying anything at least three times before I nix it out of my sexual journey (and even then, I might come back to it later on in this wonderful life of mine). Trying celibacy is something that I thought about earlier this year and I debated and debated about it because, honestly, I love each and every various sexual encounter that I have. A friend of mine suggested that I try it because it had helped him along his sexual journey. He explained that he did it for a year and it was one of the best decisions of his life.

While I think that’s good for him, that’s something that I WILL NOT be doing; but I thought I would give it a go, at least for a little bit.


Kicking off Celebrations with Celibacy


And so I did. I started at the beginning of May -- my birthday month and the official month for masturbation. For me, celibacy is about abstaining from sex with other people, so I made sure to honor the official masturbation month. And currently, I am celibate, until a certain date (that’s my secret).

It has actually been an incredibly wonderful experience for me. Even though I’m not having sex, people have been coming out of the woodwork trying to have sex with me. It’s been very flattering. I’m not sure if I’ve ever experienced such an overwhelming amount of attention from -- what seems like -- EVERYBODY!


Sexual Energy Used Elsewhere


Without the release of sharing an orgasm with someone, I’ve had to foster that sexual energy in different ways. I released a lot of energy hanging out with friends and being/feeling/doing super sexy things around them. I channeled that energy by having a birthday party where everything revolved around the vulva and vagina and I got to experience the power in other people’s artistic views of the vulva, as well as feeling the power of other people’s vulva as they showed themselves to me. I released some of my sexual energy by taking fun, naked photos of myself and showing them to people. I released some of my sexual energy by going to more pole-dancing classes and really feeling myself.

And I must say, it’s really paying off. Even though I’m horny as hell all the time, I really love pushing that energy into different realms of my world, including my business, my spirituality and the relationships that I have with my family and friends.




For those who have never tried it, I encourage you to give it a go and see how you feel. I mean, I have two more times to try it until I nix it out, but I have to say, I truly enjoyed/am enjoying myself. For those who are involuntarily celibate, I encourage you to find your inner sexy by doing things that you love to do with other people. And flirt. Ridding your fear of rejection and just flirting with everyone can do wonders for your self-esteem. It’s amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it and leave all the other BS behind. Cheers to your sexual success!!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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