How To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem

Dr. Jess     
Feeling more self-confident and having a better relationship with yourself will increase the quality of your love and sex life.

In a world consumed by exaggerated notions of beauty, sexual self-esteem is often associated with physical appearance and learning a few signature moves.

But being confident in bed isn’t about looking good naked or twisting two-thirds to the left at a medium pace. Sexual confidence is about feeling comfortable with yourself, so take a look at these strategies to feel better from the inside-out.


Accept that you have lots to learn. We all do!


Nothing holds us back in the sack more than the erroneous belief that we’re natural born lovers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Since each person has a unique set of wants, needs, and limitations, every new lover presents a fresh course in sex.

If you sometimes wonder what to do to seduce your lover, rev their engine or keep them coming, you’re perfectly normal. Don’t be discouraged if you feel you have lots to learn. As a sexologist, I’ve spent the last eighteen years studying sex and I’ve only scratched the surface! You’re in good company, and accepting that there is no such thing as a sexual mind-reader can help to boost your sexual self-esteem.


Enjoy your natural sense of humor.


Communication may be the foundation of a great sex life, but a healthy sense of humor holds it together in the toughest of times. Sometimes sex doesn’t go as planned and though it can be serious business, looking on the lighter side of things can help relieve the pressure and boost your confidence in bed.


Learn to love your body.


Positive body image is strongly correlated with sexual performance and satisfaction, so do what it takes to get connected with your body!

From exercising and eating well to positive self-talk and pampering, tap into whatever strategies work for you. And remember that it’s not about gaining or losing weight, but increasing energy levels and watching your body perform in positive ways.


Think about why you want sex.


Try to be honest with your partner about your motivations and desired outcomes. Feeling empowered, asking for what you want and listening to your lover’s needs will make you a better lover and augment your sexual self-image.


Ask for positive feedback.


Communication styles vary and some lovers will openly sing your praises while others will just lie back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. So if you’re not getting the praise you need (and deserve), tell your lover to step it up! We all need positive reinforcement — especially when it comes to sex.




Don’t forget that communication is a cornerstone of great sex and don’t be shy to express your self-confidence with your partner.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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