How to Move on From a Cheater
Dr. Jess     
Dr. Jess shares her tips on moving on after your ex cheated on you.

If your ex cheated, diving back into the world of dating can be intimidating.

But being cheated on doesn't mean the end of romance, intimacy and happy relationships -- in fact, it's just the beginning. If your ex cheated, you can still find love, fulfillment and commitment.

I've got a few tips for getting over a cheater. Check out my advice to Astroglide readers below:


Do not accept responsibility for a cheater. Know that it’s not you — it’s them.


Your ex cheated because they chose to cheat. You were not the “cause” of their cheating, so there is no reason to assume that your next partner will cheat too.


Date outside of your comfort zone.


Do you have a certain “type” to which you tend to be attracted? Try getting to know different types of people and hang out in different venues to see if your attraction is broader than you realized. You might attract someone with whom trust arises more easily.


Trust yourself first.


Trust your instincts when you get back into the dating game. If something doesn’t feel right, bring it up with your new partner right away. If you recognize a pattern of overreacting, seek professional support. Just a few sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you to re-frame your thoughts and expectations so that they’re more realistic.


Be realistic and reasonable.


You can’t expect a new love to do everything your ex did — the good, the bad and the ugly. They’re two different people with different values, backgrounds and expectations. Look at your kids (or other siblings you know) as examples — they’re often polar opposites, so there is no reason to assume that because one person cheated on you, another will.


Admit to your negative feelings so that you can get over them.


If you’re feeling angry, jealous, resentful and downright vengeful, go ahead and own your emotions. Every feeling is valid and can even be useful, as long as you keep your thoughts and behaviors in check. If you’re jealous, think about what you’re jealous of. Instead of lashing out at others, look at ways you can change to be more like the person you aspire to be.


Slow down.


If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, you might want to take your time and get to know a potential partner before making a commitment.


Be honest.


Once you decide to commit to a relationship, be honest with your new partner about some of your concerns. Ask for reassurance and patience and offer them the same.




I hope you found these tips for moving forward after you were cheated on, and remember to always practice safer sex.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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