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What is Sexual Mindfulness?

Rich Blonna Sexual Mindfulness Therapy Health Couple Sensual Pleasure SDC
Rich Blonna Sexual Mindfulness Therapy Health Couple Sensual Pleasure SDC
Learn how to unleash the power of your sexual mind and enhance all of your sexual experiences with yourself and your partner(s).

In my first article, How Your Mind Thinks About Sex, I showed you how your mind is a 24/7 non-stop thinking and feeling machine. It is designed to take information from the past, bring it to the present moment, and project it into the future anticipating an endless string of possible outcomes.

This is great if you are brainstorming a new idea for a project at work but not exactly what you want if you desire to increase your focus on your sexual pleasure in the present moment. To do that, you need to practice sexual mindfulness.

The Four Characteristics of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being fully aware of the present moment with all five senses. All mindful moments have four characteristics. They are: (1) present-centered, (2) non-judgmental (3) non-conceptual, and (4) non-verbal.

  • Present-Centered means that the focus of mindful moments is always the present, never the past or the future.
  • Non-Judgmental means that instead of judging or evaluating what you are experiencing you simply notice what is going on and accept it for what it is. 
  • Non-Conceptual means non-thinking. There is a difference between just noticing and thinking. Thinking involves planning, figuring things out, sorting things out, and solving problems. Planning, figuring out, sorting out, and solving problems takes you out of just noticing the present moment.
  • Non-Verbal means there is no talking that goes on during mindful moments. Whenever you add speech to a mindful moment, you take it to a different conceptual level that takes you out of just noticing and into higher-level thinking.

An Example of Four-Dimensional Sex

Let me give you a sexual example and show you how these four dimensions play out when making love with your partner. Imagine that you are making love with your partner. If you were doing it mindfully here is what would be going on:

Present-Centered — You would be fully attentive to what is going on with your partner. You would be experiencing your partner with all five senses as you tasted, touched, smelled, watched, and listened to her moan with passion. You would notice and accept how your bodies intertwined and moved together as you have sex. Your thoughts would not drift to something that happened yesterday or might happen tomorrow.

Non-Conceptual — Instead of trying to figure out what is going on and what might happen, you would simply note what is happening and enjoy it. You wouldn’t try to figure out or anticipate anything. You would simply notice and accept your sexual experience for what it is and allow it to play out however it does.

Non-Judgmental — You wouldn’t judge or compare your partner or your sexual experience to any other. You would simply enjoy and accept your partner and your lovemaking for what it is, not for what it could be or should be according to some societal or cultural standards.

Non-Verbal — You wouldn’t talk a lot. You would communicate what had to be said with your body through moans and body and eye movements.

Imagine what your sex life would be like if you could approach each sexual experience in such a mindful way.

Unleash Your Sensuality

Sexual mindfulness teaches you how to train your mind to stay in the present moment and be fully aware of what is going on in your inside (thoughts, feelings, etc.) and outside (sounds, sights, smells, etc.) environments. In a way, it is also training your mind to be more sensual. Sexual mindfulness training will teach you how to unleash the power of your sexual mind and enhance all of your sexual experiences with yourself and your partner(s).

In my next article, I'll discuss how to be more mindful of your sexual identity — what it means to you to be a sexual person.

Sexually yours,

Dr. Rich

Dr. Rich Blonna

When you ask folks what their greatest erogenous zone is, most will say my cock, my pussy, or my genitals. In fact, the seat of your sexual pleasure does not lie between your legs, in your genitals, but rather between your ears in the most powerful sexual organ of all, your brain. Desire, arousal, orgasm, and satisfaction all begin and end in your brain with what your mind tells you about your sexuality. That is because your mind is a non-stop thinking and feeling machine. It constantly churns out sexual thoughts, mental images, self-talk and emotions. Some of these are positive and fuel your sexual pleasue while others can interfere with it and make it harder for you to get aroused, orgasm, and feel sexual satisfaction. That is why I call my training program, and my SDC group, Great Sex from The Inside Out. All sexual pleasure training should start by looking inward and understanding what your mind is telling you about your sexuality. In my group and my articles and videos we'll explore how your mind works to fuel the passion in your relationships whether you have been with your partners for 10, 20, or even 50 years like me. Join my group and share your thoughts, I'd love to hear from you. Video Course - check out my Great Sex From the Inside Out course. It combines my Sexual Mindfulmness course with advannced techniques that will help you unleash the power of your sexual mind. Personal Great Sex Coaching - Train at a distance with me using Zoom or let me train you in the privacy of your own home. I'll travel for free to 50 mile radius of Marco Island. Message me for more information or to set up a time to talk. Your first 20 minute consultation is free.
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