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Why Gender Matters

SDC Dr Rich Blonna Gender Sexual Identity Orientation Continuum
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Gender Sexual Identity Orientation Continuum
There are several factors that comprise someone’s sexual identity.

There has been a lot written about gender lately. Most of it revolves around transgender issues and the transgender movement, which has brought gender to the forefront of sexual politics in America and around the world. There is a lot more to gender, however, than transgender issues. In the next few articles, I’m going to talk about gender from the perspective of sexual pleasure and sexual mindfulness. I want to focus on the big picture and look at gender issues as they relate to your sexual identity. I also want to tie this to sexual mindfulness and your sexual pleasure.


Your Sexual Identity


Your sexual identity is the comprehensive term used to describe how you see yourself as a sexual person. Your sexual identity has six parts; (1) your biological sex/gender, (2) your gender identity, (3) your gender role, (4) your sexual orientation, (5) your sexual behavior, and (6) your sexual response. All six of these parts combine to form a picture of how you see yourself and behave as a sexual person (Blonna & Carter, 2018).


The Five Continua of Sexual Identity


One way to view these parts is to look at them as five different continua. To a certain extent, these continua are fluid and change over the course of your life. Some are more fluid than others.

1. Biological Continuum
Male ———— Intersex ———— Female

 

2. Gender Continuum
(Gender Identity & Gender Role)
Masculine ———— Transgender ———— Feminine

 

3. Sexual Orientation Continuum
Heterosexual ——— Bisexual ——— Homosexual

 

4. Sexual Behavior Continuum
Uninterested — Average Interest — Very Interested

 

5. Sexual Response Continuum
Unresponsive Average Response Very Responsive


For example, your biological continuum is determined by your chromosomes (XX or XY) and your genetic inheritance. Your chromosomes and genetic inheritance determine things such as your biological sex/gender (male, female, intersex, other), internal and external sex organs, hormone type and levels,  and your physical characteristics (body size, shape, hair and eye color, skin pigmentation, etc.). These biological factors are fixed at conception. Some of them can be changed (anatomy and physiology, hormonal release, etc.) but only through medical, surgical, or cosmetic interventions.


On Fluidity


Unlike your biological continuum, the other continua are more fluid.

Your gender continuum is very fluid and changes over the course of your life. Your gender identity is defined as how you see yourself as a man, woman, both, or neither. Your gender role is the behavioral part, how you act as a man, woman, both, or neither. Both of these aspects of sexual identity change as you age, grow, mature, and gain sexual and relationship experience. Some people change very little, while others change a great deal. 

As you'll see in a later article, I define your sexual orientation as your adult, free choice, of sexual partners. For many people, their sexual orientation continuum is fluid and changes. While most people retain their initial sexual orientation throughout their lives, it is no longer unusual to hear of men or women in their adulthood, mid-life, or older adulthood becoming attracted to a member of the same, opposite, or both sexes. In some cases, they repressed these desires for decades but tried to control them to conform to society's norms. In others, the spark of desire was more spontaneous. 

I take a broad view of sexual behavior and see it relating to your sexual interest, overall level of activity, and the specific sexual behaviors you engage in. Once again, this continuum is very fluid. Your level of sexual desire will wax and wane over the course of your lifetime. Your sexual behavior repertoire will grow and change as you mature, enter into sexual relationships, and face or no longer face challenges associated with pregnancy and STD prevention issues. 

Lastly, your sexual response continuum is also very fluid. Sexual response is the result of a complex interplay between your body, mind, and spirit. Becoming aroused and achieving orgasm are intimately related to your thoughts, feelings, physical health, mental well-being, and a host of other variables. These variables and others vary for each sexual encounter and change over time as a result of the aging process.


A Real-World Example


Let me give you an example of how sexual identity plays out in the real world. I'll use myself as a case study. I am a 68-year-old white heterosexual man who has been married for 48 years and still enjoys sex with my wife. I have two adult sons, ages 33 and 36. I understand the biological aspects of being male and how they are related to my sexual response. I know a lot about the internal and external parts of my sexual anatomy how they work. I am aware of the effects of aging on things such as hormones, muscle mass, sexual response, etc., all components of being a biological male. I also am aware of how I see myself as a 68-year-old man. I understand and am happy with my gender identity and role and how they have evolved over the years. I am comfortable being heterosexual and married and having a repertoire of satisfying sexual activities that I engage in by myself and with my wife. Lastly, I understand and am comfortable with my sexual response. I see how it has changed over the decades and do not see this change as something negative. It is just different and no less satisfying than it was when I was in my 20s.

In the coming articles in this series, I'll take a deeper look into all of the variables involved in your sexual identity and how they can impact your sexual pleasure. I'll also explain why it is so important to be mindful of all of this and how sexual mindfulness can help you with this.


Dr. Rich Blonna

I’m assuming that you joined SDC because sex is important to you and central to your happiness. You’re probably very sexually experienced and have had lots of sex with a lot of different people. You’ve probably noticed that a lot of what you’ve been doing is mindless fucking vs. sexual mindfulness. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with mindless fucking. I’d just like you to experience sexual mindfulness and see the difference and what new levels of pleasure it can bring you. Sexual mindfulness has four dimensions. It is present-centered, non-conceptual, non-judgmental, and non-verbal. Imagine what sex would be like if it was… Present Centered – You’d be able to slow down your runaway mind and focus 100 of your five senses on your sexual pleasure. You would experience each sexual encounter with a “Beginner’s Mind”, the Buddhist term for looking at things as if you are experiencing them for the first time. Non-Judgmental – You would enjoy and accept yourself, your partner and your sexual pleasure for what they were and not judge them according to anyone else’s standards. Non- Conceptual- Instead of thinking about what was going on when you were having sex, or try to anticipate what might happen, you’d accept what was going on in the present moment and allow it to play out by itself. There would be no need to overthink anything. Non-Verbal – You wouldn’t need to say anything. Your body would communicate anything that needed to be said. Home Study Course - my Home Study Course will show you how to be more sexually mindful and increase your pleasure when you are having sex alone or with your partner(s). https://www.drrichblonna.com/courses/courses-for-everyone/sexual-mindfulness/. Personal Sexual Mindfulness Coaching - Let me train you in the privacy of your own home. I'll travel for free to 50 mile radius of Marco Island. https://www.drrichblonna.com/coaching/ Message me for rates and more information.
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