How To Reignite The Sexual Spark: Part III

Dr. Jess     
This week’s challenge to reignite the sexual spark involves changing the way you look.

If you tuned into parts I and II of this special series, you’ve likely already taken the opportunity to secretly schedule sex, as well as take a trip down memory lane. Hopefully the flames of sexual passion are burning a bit brighter and you’ve been able to connect with your lover in new and exciting ways.

This week’s challenge to reignite the sexual spark involves changing the way you look. But this isn’t about your hair, wardrobe or grooming habits. I’m suggesting that you change the way you your partner.

Limerence Lost

In the early stages of a relationship, limerence takes over as our infatuation is fueled by curiosity, anxiety and the desire to uncover the unknown. You lust after your new love interest as you fill in the gaps to idealize your potential mate. But with time, this limerence stage evolves and our lives take over. We stop looking at our partners as lovers and begin to regard them more as people. And though it is absolutely desirable to see your lover as a complete person and not just a sex object, you still need to file away a little piece of animalistic admiration for their sexual self.

Find Your Look of Love Once Again

So, the next time your partner walks through the door, don’t ask about their day or talk about your upcoming plans. Instead, just soak in all the good, juicy, sex appeal that first attracted you to them. Really stop and look at your lover. Pick a body part you love and focus on it like a piece of meat. Leer a little!

Forget about all of their annoying habits (as if hanging up their towel is really that hard!) and objectify them. Offer compliments and be flirtatious. Make it a habit to let go of all of your conflict, tension, anger and stress for at least a few minutes each and every day and just admire your lover -- it doesn’t need to lead to sex, but it will help to re-frame how you see your partner as a man or a woman.

Let me know how it goes!

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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