The Truth About Vibrators

Dr. Jess     
When it comes to sex toys, there is a lot of misinformation out there, so I’m keen to set the record straight.

Last week, I tweeted some tips for reaching orgasm more quickly for women and the brilliant Joan Price pointed out that I left vibrators off the list. Considering the fact that almost all of my clients love their battery-operated toys, it really was quite an oversight! This omission coupled with a recent discussion I had with a passionate women’s group in Mexico prompted me to write this piece on vibrators and their role the bedroom.

When it comes to sex toys, there is a lot of misinformation out there, so I’m keen to set the record straight by addressing some of the most common vibrator myths I come across in my practice...


Myth: Vibrators are for single ladies.


Fact: While I can totally envision an awesome ad for the latest and greatest vibrator choreographed to Beyonce’s hit single (how cute would dancing vibrators be?), married women actually report higher rates of use than singles (60% vs. 30%). Given that women who use vibrators also report higher levels of sexual desire and satisfaction, this is actually good news for marriages!


Myth: Men hate vibrators.


Fact: Actually, men like vibrators too! Some women worry that their partners will be intimidated by vibrators, but a recent study says otherwise. The good folks at the Kinsey Institute polled over 3,000 respondents and 70% of men reported that they have no issue with their female lovers using a battery-operated device in bed. Men understand that while vibrators can help to produce mind-blowing orgasms, they are not a replacement for human touch, affection and connection.

In my practice, I’ve observed that men are both excited and pro-active in response to my suggestion that they explore the world of sex toys. One client explained his enthusiasm: “If it puts her in the mood, then I’m all for it! And if it helps her to climax, I definitely want to make friends with that thing.

Another client was surprised to learn that the vibrations intensified his orgasms too: “I assumed these things were only for women, but the sensations actually made the experience more pleasurable for me too.”


Myth: Vibrators are highly addictive.


Fact: You may love using your vibrator, but the chances of becoming addicted to it are slim to none. Addiction involves impaired behavioural control, constant craving, difficulty recognizing problem behaviours and a dysfunctional emotional response. I have yet to come across a man or woman whose vibrator use amounts to addiction.

You may find it is easier to reach orgasm with a vibrator, but this is simply a function of your body’s unique and natural responses. It only becomes a problem if you forget to charge the batteries...


Myth: The bigger the better!


Fact: Many women use vibrators on the outside to rub, tug and massage, so size is often less relevant than shape. Some of the newer models have handles and angles designed to offer both penetration and vulval rubbing alongside vibrations.

My clients also report that some of the smallest vibrators are the ones that pack the greatest climactic punch.


Myth: Vibrators cause numbness and nerve damage.


Fact: Regular use of vibrators will not cause nerve damage and very few women (3 percent) experience frequent numbness from vibrator use. This numbness is temporary and is similar to the sensations you might experience after a long session of intercourse. Just as your butt can feel numb after sitting through a two-hour meeting, your clitoris reacts in a similar fashion to intense stimulation. After a few minutes (or sometimes a bit longer), they both go back to normal.


Myth: If your lover uses a vibrator, you’re doing something wrong.


A vibrator is simply an enhancement device and is not designed to replace a human partner. In fact, women who use vibrators actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction and functioning in partnered relationships. For some of my clients, the introduction of vibrating toys has actually opened the lines of communication and inspired them to talk about sex in new and meaningful ways.




So, enjoy those vibrators together and remember to always practice safer sex!

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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