31-Day Intimacy Challenge with Taara James
By Taara James for ASN Lifestyle Magazine
I wanted to share an article helping couples (and singles) during COVID times. Many people in the lifestyle community are still social-distancing, and only a handful of clubs are starting the process of reopening. This hasn't been easy and even James and I have noticed that our lives, sexuality, sex, and relationship have changed now that our lifestyle activities have been put on hold. We started out in the lifestyle from the beginning of our relationship and this has been a huge adjustment and taken an incredible amount of awareness to keep our relationship foundation strong and the intimacy flowing.
In May, we decided to challenge ourselves and do something every day for our relationship. We wanted to bring some of the spark back AND learn more about each other through the process. So, we created a 31-Day Intimacy Challenge to strengthen our relationship and bring some sizzle back! Then, we shared it on social media for others to do the same.
This has not only brought us closer, but it was exciting to have something every day to do just for “us.” Below, I have shared some of our favorite challenges. If you are interested in seeing every challenge, visit my Instagram (@taarajames) and look for the daily posts!
Challenge 1: The 5 Love Languages
You may have taken this quiz before (or not) but the results can change — especially during these times. Physical touch became NUMBER TWO for me and usually, that was three or four! We suggest doing the couples quiz and discussing your results together. This ensures you are giving the lovin' you each need (and deserve) during these crazy times. It was amazing insight for us to know what each of us needs to feel that extra love right now. ⠀
Singles Snippet: There is a singles quiz especially for you! ⠀
BONUS: There are also quizzes to take for children and teens; that way, you can find harmony in your household.
VISIT http://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes and take the quiz today!
Challenge 2: Watch Something Sexy Together
We aren't talking about Netflix. Earlier this year, we got a membership to Lust Cinema and LOVED the steamy movies! We highly recommend doing some research and find a sexy film to watch together tonight. It helps to have some storyline which is why we like companies Erika Lust and Spark Erotic. I mean, USUALLY, we don't watch the whole thing because we get all fired up from the film, but it builds the anticipation.
Singles Snippet: Share your choice with some friends. Of course, ask consent before, but you could inspire some sexiness for your friends tonight!
Challenge 3: Schedule a Check-In
We are realizing the importance of check-ins with each other during these times. They help us acknowledge and navigate some of the emotions and feelings that are coming up and assist us with appreciating each other and being more present in our relationship. Today, ask your partner these three questions: ⠀
- What made you feel closest to me this week? ⠀
- What is the biggest worry/challenge you have right now? Is there anything I can do to support you? ⠀
- What are you looking forward to next week?
Singles Snippet: Check in with a friend, lover, or family member. You can call, use Facetime, or even text them. These questions can easily be asked and will strengthen your relationship with these people, too.
Challenge 4: 5 Erotic Blueprints
This is a lot like the love languages BUT it's for your sexuality. Taking this quiz with your partner can provide some great insight into each other's sexuality. We did an eight-week workshop about this in 2018 and it opened both of our eyes. James learned that not everyone is as sexual as he is. Some people can have energetic orgasm from no touch, like me! I learned how to reclaim MY pleasure and figure out what I wanted sexually instead of "shapeshifting" to fit others' needs and desires. Your blueprint can change, too. Both of ours did! So, if you took it before, I suggest doing it again and having a chat about it. ⠀
Singles Snippet: This quiz is for anyone of any relationship! So, you can still take the quiz and talk about it with the people you are dating! ⠀
Take the quiz here: http://www.eroticbreakthrough.com
Challenge 5: Cuddle in Bed for 15 Minutes Longer
Cuddling has an incredible effect on our relationship. Research published in Springer's Archives of Sexual Behavior claimed, "our findings suggest that people feel more loving and affectionate toward their partner when they cuddle. They also cuddle because they feel loving and affectionate toward their partner. But cuddling also has a sexual component to it; it often leads to sexual activity and often happens after sex. So, cuddling can serve many purposes in a romantic relationship and is generally experienced very positively."⠀
Singles Snippet: If you don't live alone, try asking a friend or even family member to cuddle. This is about feeling loved and doesn't have to be sexual. If you live alone and have pets, have a cuddle session with them on the bed or couch. If you don't have pets, try touching YOU. Run your hands over your body under the covers and focus on how it feels.
Challenge 6: Enjoy a Candle-Lit Dinner in the Nude/Wearing Lingerie (if possible)
Get those sensual vibes going with a sexy dinner over candlelight tonight. Something you can't do when you go out for a date night is take your clothes off or wear lingerie (unless it's one of THOSE places!). So tonight, strip down or wear that sexy piece of lingerie you've been missing!
Bonus points if you order in or make dinner with aphrodisiacs! Some common ones include pumpkin, champagne, apples, asparagus, bananas, chocolate, or oysters.
Singles Snippet: Date yourself tonight! Order in a delicious meal or make something yummy, turn the lights down low, get the candles out and enjoy your meal dolled up or in the nude. Try taking some sexy selfies, too!
Hopefully, these fun challenges inspire some more intimacy in your relationship! Again, if you want to see all 31 days, please visit my Instagram @taarajames. Twitter: @sxuninterrupted
This article originally appeared in the June 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.