5 Reasons Porn Can Be Good For Your Marriage

Dr. Jess     
Could watching porn with your partner actually improve your relationship? Jess discusses the potential benefits of shared porn viewing among couples.

Porn may forever be connected to a number of social evils, including marriage breakdown, sex addiction and the objectification of women, but there are upsides to consuming porn alone or as a couple.

In fact, experts and couples alike acknowledge that watching sexy videos together can have a positive impact on their sex lives. Several studies have even found that duos who consume pornography report higher levels of sexual knowledge and improved sexual satisfaction.

And while mainstream porn offers little educational value (they’re actors and sexual superstars after all), it certainly inspires exploration, provides titillation and may even open the lines of communication in and out of the bedroom...
Check out the ways in which porn may have a positive impact on your relationship.


Porn Can Help Put You in the Mood


After a long day at work followed by a “nightcap” of meal preparation, laundry and a frustratingly drawn-out bath and bedtime routine, sex is often the last thing on our weary minds. No matter how hard we try or how strong our attraction to our partner may be, sometimes we are just too tired, distracted and stressed to get our heads into the erotic game. This is where some decent erotica (stories or videos) can come in handy to offer a brief escape that can leave us with the perfect dose of satisfaction and release to lull our bodies into a restful sleep.

Getting in the mood for sex is often the hardest part, and there is nothing wrong with using porn as an aid to facilitate the process. In fact, nearly half of happily married couples report sharing this healthy habit and research suggests that they report higher levels of commitment and intimacy. So, don’t feel guilty if you want to watch a saucy flick or read a naughty novel before bed. It is not a reflection of a lack of intimacy or attraction, but simply an acknowledgment that sometimes we need a degree of escapism to separate our erotic lives from our everyday routine.


Porn Can Inspire You to Explore Your Own Fantasies


Thanks to the rise of amateur porn and the accessibility of hand-held technology, anyone can make a porno flick, and almost everyone seems to be giving it a try. The upshot of this shift from the studio to the bedroom is that there is now a movie or scene for every possible taste and scenario.

Peanut butter and gel pens? Rock stars and roller skates? Whiny men and cheesy socks? Porn has you covered! From whips, ropes, and chains to romance, affairs, and seduction, erotic movies now offer an endless range of inspirational fantasies. As you watch them alone or with a partner, erotic videos can help you to acknowledge your limitations, identify your turn-offs and explore the turn-ons that you never knew you had!


Porn is Creating New Roles for Men and Women


If you’ve never heard of feminist porn, you may be missing out! Feminist porn is taking the world by storm as it broadens the boundaries of sexuality and creates new sexual roles for both men and women.

Carlyle Jansen, founder of the Feminist Porn Awards, explains why so many men and women are exploring feminist porn:

“Feminist Porn features genuine pleasure, agency, and desire for all performers, especially women. This may include depicting a diversity of fantasies, types of people, body types and sizes, and sexual practices. Many films are also now showing interviews with the performers so that you can hear directly what they desire and watch how their desires unfold.

And of course, it must be hot! A lot of folks think that feminist porn must have no power imbalance, and only soft sweet kissing and gentle sex. Feminists want all kinds of sex, from soft to edgy.”

This new genre of porn emphasizes both male and female pleasure and offers viewers a glimpse into the bedrooms of real people experiencing real sex. Jansen and her staff at Good for Her can help make personalized recommendations for singles and couples interested in exploring the world of erotica.


Porn Can Open the Lines of Communication


Watching an explicit video with your honey can be both awkward and exciting, but it’s the balance of these conflicting emotions that can inspire the most meaningful conversations.

If you feel awkward, try communicating your fears, concerns, and boundaries to your lover. If you feel excited, it’s an opportunity to express to your lover the details of what turned you on; whether it was the music, lighting, setting, seduction, position, sounds or characters in the film, sharing this information with your partner will only enhance your sex life as you continue to learn about one another’s unique desires.


Porn Can Be Sexually Empowering


Let’s face it: life can get monotonous at times and it is easy to fall into a sexual rut. In fact, for many of my clients, it is not uncommon to forget about sex and intimacy altogether. But good porn, especially videos and books that include relatable storylines, can help rekindle the flame and remind women that it is okay to fantasize and indulge a little. Many of my clients report that this process can be empowering.

This empowerment is often connected to the freedom that comes with doing something for ourselves. As we take responsibility for everyone else’s needs, we often forget about our own and feel guilty when we spend time and energy on ourselves. I try to help clients let go of this guilt and put themselves first -- sexually and otherwise. Porn helps them to broaden their fantasy base and gives them permission to lust after men and/or women other than their partners.

Many couples report that porn has been a transformative component of their sexual journey, as it helps to free them from the shackles of mental monogamy. Though monogamous in their relationships, many of my female clients feel shameful fantasizing about other men -- especially if they aren’t experiencing or expressing this same desire for their real-life lovers. But the reality is that we have to learn to embrace sexual desire in our own bodies before we can connect with others.


Summing it Up


Porn is often framed as a divisive element in relationships, and though it can sometimes be a source of conflict, it can also bring you closer together. Like any element of a relationship, it can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you use it.

As for the accusations that porn consumption results in sexual violence and negative attitudes toward women, the research seems to suggest otherwise. Cross-cultural comparisons of crime data and sexist attitudes actually suggest that the availability of and exposure to explicit materials actually has an inverse relationship with these outcomes.

So, whether you like your porn hard, soft or not at all, rest assured that you’re perfectly normal and can enjoy a smokin’ hot sex life on your own terms.




Enjoy watching porn with your partner and remember to always practice safer sex.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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