Seven Simple Steps To Revolutionize Your Sex Life Today

Dr. Jess     
These hot tips from Dr. Jess will guide you to reconnect with your lover, both in and out of the bedroom.

Enhancing your sex life and reigniting the spark does not require a drastic overhaul of your lifestyle.

Simple changes can produce immediate rewards, so pick one from this list of strategies and get started today. Once you’ve changed one habit or implemented one strategy for a week, add another until you’ve completed each item on the list.

Keep us posted on your progress. We love to hear from you!


1. Do NOT do kegels.


Instead, see a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist who can accurately assess the types of exercises that will benefit you specifically. Kegels are not a one-size-fits-all prescription and, in fact, are contraindicated in some cases. I’ve learned so much from my therapist; she assigned a series of exercises including squats, deep breathing and cat stretches and it has paid off both in and out of the bedroom.


2. Ban electronic devices for the last two hours of the day.


The light emitted by phones, laptops and tablet devices is “short-wavelength-enriched”, which means that it contains high levels of blue light which interferes with the sleep-helper hormone, melatonin. When we don’t get a good night’s sleep, we’re more likely to engage in conflict with our partner, less adept at resolving these conflicts, more likely to made poor food choices and feel less inclined toward sex.

If two hours isn’t realistic given your work responsibilities and lifestyle, set your own time boundaries and stick to them. Slowly add a few extra minutes each week until you become accustomed to a taking a technology break each evening. I’ve always made excuses for keeping my phone on my bedside table:

I use it as my alarm! Guess what? I have a perfectly reliable alarm clock.

Reading my emails helps me to wake up. Luckily, I have running water, which is just as much of a pick-me-up early in the morning.

It helps me to relax at night. I may believe that the phone offers a dose of relaxation, but the science surrounding blue light says otherwise.

Stop making excuses and leave your phone in another room tonight. It may make you uncomfortable at first, but moving the phone out of the bedroom will work wonders for your mood, sleep and sex life. It’s time to break the habit of allowing our electronic devices to be the first and last thing we look at each day.


3. Talk about your fantasies tonight.


It may not be easy, but it’s far more intimate than talking about the kids, money, your schedules and your co-workers.

If you’re nervous, start by sharing a few notes from a recent or memorable sex dream. You don’t have to reveal every last detail of your dream or fantasy, but by sharing a few stories that turn you on, you’ll help your partner to identify the thematic elements of your hottest fantasies.

If you find yourself tongue-tied or just don’t know how to get started, consider the advice of couples who share their fantasies via art. They sketch out a sex scene they’d like to try and often enjoy a good laugh trying to decipher the visual representation of their partner’s fantasy. Since laughter helps to ease tension, deepen connection and lower inhibitions, this exercise offers a series of corollary benefits.


4. Take a sex class!


All across the world, adults are signing up for sex education classes to enhance their skills, because you’re never too old to learn. You can join friends in-class at studios like Good For Her, The Traveling Tickle Trunk or Venus Envy, or you can sign up online for webinars like the Sexual Pro Series, hosted by Yours Truly.


5. Play music in your bedroom.


Music has the power to move you and research shows that those who listen to loud music have more sex!

Music can shift your mood, improve your perspective, boost confidence and help you to relax — all of which have the potential to improve your sex life. The contagion hypothesis suggests that we mimic what we hear in our environment, so create a playlist that helps to cultivate the emotions you need to feel in order to get in the mood.

  • Do you want to feel powerful? Listen to heavy bass.
  • Looking to feel amorous? Pick tunes from your early days of dating.
  • Do you need help decompressing at the end of a stressful day? Choose a mellow melody.
  • Is happiness your most erotic emotion? Play an anthem that moves you.
  • Identify the emotion(s) that underpins your core erotic script and find the music to match! Bonus: music helps to drown out the noise from neighboring rooms and homes.

6. Pick a “role ritual”.


We all play a variety of roles over the course of the day. You have your professional role, your social role, your partnered role, your parental role and your familial role — just to name a few. At the end of the day (or whenever you have alone time with your partner), however, it’s time to shift into the role of lover. Choosing a “role ritual” can help remind you that you’re lovers as opposed to roommates, friends, co-parents or partners.

Your role ritual should be something that helps you to relax, be playful and ultimately, be the best version of yourself. You might play a song, pour a glass of wine, adjust the lighting, change your clothes, switch your phone to airplane mode, write in a journal, close the blinds, stretch, read a few pages of a book or have a dance party — it’s up to you. Whatever you choose, this ritual should serve as a reminder that it’s time to stop talking about work, chores, the kids and tomorrow’s schedule and spend quality time with your partner. Performing the role ritual doesn't mean you have to engage in sexual activity but simply that you commit to spend time together as lovers - touching, smiling, laughing, breathing, connecting and having intimate discussions that you likely wouldn’t have with others.


7. Use Lube.


It’s simple. The slippery stuff simply makes sex even more sensational. Just a few drops will allow you to slide, slurp, stroke, twist and grind with more purpose, pressure and finesse. Use your fingertips, lips or a soft makeup brush to apply and let your imagination do the rest.




Enjoy my tips for revving up your love life, and remember to always practice safer sex. This post is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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