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Texting and Relationships

Dr. Jess     
Whether you're single, just starting to date someone or you've been with your partner for many years, chances are you communicate through text more often than not.

Texting has become a significant part of today's dating world. Whether you're single, just starting to date someone or you've been with your partner for many years, chances are you communicate through text more often than not. So, how is texting impacting our intimate relationships? When and how should we use texting to communicate with our partners?

Dr. Jess recently sat down with Dr. Oren Amitay, Clinical Psychologist and Professor of Human Sexuality, to discuss the "dos and don'ts" of texting in relationships.

Here are a few points' from Dr.Jess' conversation with Dr.Amitay:

So much of communication is expressed through body language and tone.

Text does not allow you the option to express yourself with your body language or your tone. Sure, emoticons are a start, but nothing compares to the nuances of face-to-face communication. This is why Dr.Amitay tells his patients that even a thousand texts are not worth one face-to-face conversation.

Always know when to pick-up or put down the phone.

If a conversation over text turns to a conflict, it is time to pick up the phone and call - or perhaps it is time to put down the phone and meet with your partner for a face-to-face conversation.

Texting works well as an organizational tool, but not so well as a tool for resolving conflicts with your partner.

If you feel overwhelmed by a conversation with your partner and need some space, then perhaps it is OK to take some time to organize your concerns into a text or email. Dr. Amitay suggests, however, that only 5-10% of texts between you and your partner should be about issues of conflict. The rest of your texts should be purely organizational (i.e., "I need you to pick up milk and lube on the way home.") Ultimately, conflict should be dealt with face-to-face.

For more from Dr.Oren Amitay: @docamitay

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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