I’m doing the academic thing here. Perhaps the pedantic thing. Perhaps the persnickety-you-won’t-want-to-hang-out-with-Coop-anymore thing. I’m using apocalypse’s translation from the Greek. Oh yes, one of those. So while adding “pocalypse” as a suffix to indicate the literal end of the world is all en vogue, (my use of the word literal here is anything but, and all hyperbolic, ‘cuz that’s the way I troll, baby) it used to mean “lifting of the veil” or the giving of information, often life-changing information.

And then religion happened. And the veil that was lifted was freaky.

‘Cuz the literal end of days apocalypse would, of course, contain a lot of life-changing information.

Anyway, what does it have to do with bisexual males, and am I going to use the term bipocalypse? Only that once, and doesn’t it sound awesome?

Almost Ten Years of Being Out as Bi

There’s a very real possibility that my perception of the swinger world that I inhabit is colored by the fact that I’m openly bi, and that I run a podcast that routinely reminds its listeners that we think bisexual males are the bee’s knees. That said, since I decided to come out as bisexual way back on National Coming Out Day in October of 2010, I’ve noticed that attitudes about bisexuals have begun to shift.

Now, I’m not saying that I should get all the credit (just some of it. [Humor is fun. {Is this the literary equivalent of the ;) smiley that basically means “I meant it unless you’re offended, then it was a joke.”}]). I remember it being very hush-hush amongst the few bi males around back when I first began my exploration. You didn’t talk about it on the websites. You certainly didn’t do anything in public. But even then the facade was cracking, the veil was lifting, the apocalypse had begun.

In the scant intervening years since that podcast was released, I have met more and more bisexual males, seen more and more openly identifying as bi on the websites, seen and participated in bi male activity at Desire Resort and Spa. I’ve seen bi activity at parties, clubs, even heard about it on other podcasts, where once we were the lone island in a sea of hetero.

But this is what causes me to wonder: is there actually an increase in openly bisexual males? Is it an increase in visibility? Or is it just me sliding into a bubble, the sex-positive bubble, the podcaster bubble, the bisexual podcast host bubble (that’s not a big one)? The numbers are still woefully low, especially compared to the disproportionately high numbers of bisexual females in the swinging lifestyle.

But there has been a distinct change, and I hope it’s in the world at large.

I hope it’s not just me.

On Identifying as “Queer”

I’d been debating whether or not the word “queer” suited me, because I’d always felt that queer was a term that had been rallied behind, that it was somehow political. It suits me in actual interest, much the way pansexual does, or omnisexual, as I’m sexually attracted to attractive people, regardless of gender. But when trying to increase visibility and show an alternative to hetero/homo, bisexual is the term I need, if not the one I deserve, because being openly bisexual is a statement too…a statement of alternative, a statement that doesn’t need a paragraph of explanation behind it, a statement that can be made, and can allow others to make the same.

If you identify “queer,” you should identify “queer” …same with “omni” and “pan.” This isn’t about how anyone else in the communities I run in or outside should identify. Someday I may identify as queer. For now, I’m a bisexual male, which is a concept that those on the swinger websites can understand. A concept that has, on numerous occasions, lifted the veil, and caused someone labeled hetero to ask a probing question, admit some curiosity, and give things a go.

Baby steps. Bootstrapping. Other terms. Just words.

Apocalypse.

This article is an excerpt from my book, My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory.