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Take Your Sexual Temperature

Dr. Jess     
Sometimes you get so stuck sexually and you are so used to feeling stuck, you have no way to gauge how or why.

Sometimes you get so stuck sexually and you are so used to feeling stuck, you have no way to gauge how or why.

I see this a lot with new sex coaching clients and prospects. If a woman has gotten far enough in her process to call me, she at least has some sense that her sexuality needs attention. Sometimes that’s as much as she knows. Figuring out the way into it or how to break it down feels hard and the whole of her sexual issues becomes a series of symptoms with vague ideas of the root causes.

Time to take Your Sexual Temperature

I recently spoke to a woman who described her sexuality as a ball with no handles that just rolls and rolls and she doesn’t know where or how to get a grip on it. I think many people feel this way about sexuality because it’s so big and so many potential issues come up that they do not know where to begin.

You can start by taking your own sexual temperature, so to speak. Look at the various key aspects of your sexuality and if you could literally take your temperature, how would the mercury rise and fall?

Your Sexual Temperature Key


Totally shut down, not happening, needs life-support now!


On life-support, barely keeping its pulse but trying to survive.


Things are moving a bit, maybe slowly, maybe not all in the best direction, but there is motion and a will to be in a more healthy place. Throw me a blanket.


Functioning optimally, this part feels healthy and balanced, in a place of “normalcy.” Right on target.


Overall, functioning well and with a lot of energy, but energy is a bit out-of-balance.


Manic functioning or over-indulgence in this area. Need to reconnect to self and re-balance. Way off your center.
Sometimes sexual fever is fun, but that’s not what I’m talking about here!

How do you apply this to your sexuality?

What are areas of your sexuality where you could apply this? There are many aspects of your sexuality that you want to check in with regularly. For starters, do a temperature check on these seven:

  • Your sexual body and how you are feeling in your body 
  • Your level of pleasure and joy, both emotional and physical
  • Your desire and attraction, both the quality and level
  • Your radiance and excitement-are you glowing daily?
  • Your intimate relationships, with self and/or with partners and lovers
  • Your energy level, overall and sexually
  • Your sexual and creative expression

Your Sexual Empowerment Assignment

Take a moment with each area and stick in the thermometer and read it honestly.

If your temperature is below normal in any of these areas, think about three things you could do to breathe life back into this part, starting today.

If you are sexually homeostatic, what are three things you love and appreciate about the healthy temperature of this part?

And if you are overheated or feverish, what three things could you do to recalibrate and re-balance to a place of sexual homeostasis and optimal functioning?

Take your sexual temperature regularly and prevent your sexuality from falling to a place of being ignored, neglected, or into total disrepair.

If you are struggling to take the next steps and know you would benefit from guidance and support, you may want to work with a sex coach or therapist to get to the next level and begin to live your most sexually empowered life.

About the author: Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about. As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Visit to get your free copy of her “Bringing Sexy Back: How to Revitalize a Dwindling Sex Life” audio class!

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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