The Perfect Partner
Currently, I’m reading a book about sex research and what scientists have found in recent studies.

Currently, I’m reading a book about sex research and what scientists have found in recent studies. I have to say, it’s really advantageous to be in school right now and have access to the most current research studies regarding sexuality. Although this book was published in 2009, I’m sure it took a year or two (or more) to get it published, so I’m always curious to know what the updated statistics are, if there are any.


How many partners is the average?


One fact that I learned was that the average amount of people we tend to sleep with before we find the “perfect partner” is 12. Now, if you have less than this or way more than this, it doesn’t matter. Twelve just seems to be the average ​number. I guess number 13 is lucky after all.

I’m curious to know, if you have the “perfect partner” at this ​time in your life and on average how many people you’ve slept to reach this perfection has hit that magic number 12. Something tells me, not so much, but I’m not genuinely ​interested in that type of sex research.


Sexual honesty is rare...


Although I see it as useful ​in some contexts, some people have lost track of how many people they’ve slept with, and that causes skewed results. Besides, how many people are completely truthful to a random survey ​about their sex lives without having them feel like it’s some sort of attack on their morals or ethics?

I’ve found that most people who find that they identify with an “alternative sexuality” are the ones that really talk about their sex lives in a more explicit and affirming way.


Millenials and the romanticized notion of love.


Millennials are now growing up in a “hook-up culture” of stigma-free casual sex. The stigma of religion isn’t carrying as much weight as it used to because of the contradicting dynamics of the social culture as time moves forward. Everyone is concerned with their own morality and ethics and sexual energy, and individualistic sexuality are recognized as vehicles of self-seeking pleasure with the logical reasoning of sexual health benefits. And besides, how would you know what that “perfect partner” looks like and how would you know that you don’t have several “perfect partners” for you?

Love has been romanticized as perfect actions that are constantly occurring, when in reality there are always ups and downs with the perfect person. The perfect person is not perfect all the time and they’re not perfect for you all the time. Sometimes they suck at being your partner. But if you understand each other and you know how to communicate effectively, you can get over your partner being not-s0-perfect a lot sooner than if you didn’t.




I didn’t find any updated articles about the amount of partners folks have recently, but I hope someone’s doing that study for the near future. Friends with benefits is a pretty hot subject, but the most recent research shows that friends with benefits have less actual benefits than those who are married or in monogamous relationships. I guess that’s another argument for monogamy, but I’m sure I will get to that another day! xoxo, Marla

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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