4 Things You Can Do When You're Out of Sexual Practice & Want to Get Back In
If you ever find yourself out of sexual practice and you want to get back into practice, here are a few things that you can do to prepare yourself just when you are about to take that plunge and get frisky with a lover!

Recently, I had a friend who was telling me about her last sexual experience. My friend who is (in my opinion) in pretty good sexual shape, has had a multitude of partners who have been giving her some good exercise. However, when she started engaging with this new woman, there was something that threw her off. She couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but later on, it was revealed that the woman hadn’t had sex in a long time. To my friend, the sex felt a little disconnected and almost as if the woman she was with had never had sex before. But that wasn’t the case. Turns out, she was just out of practice.

If you ever find yourself out of sexual practice and you want to get back into practice, here are a few things that you can do to prepare yourself just when you are about to take that plunge and get frisky with a lover!

Prepare yourself!

This means, you need to take the proper safe sex precautions, as well as have the necessary conversations around abilities, bodies and consent before you actually have sex. This means sending some sexy text messages about what you would like to do to that person to see if it’s okay and/or letting them know what you like and don’t like when it comes to sex.

Ground yourself in your sexual confidence.

A lot of the time when we’re out of practice, we lose our sexual confidence and self-esteem. When you ground yourself in your sexual confidence, this means that you take the opportunity to sit with yourself and think of a time that you were sexually confident and felt orgasmic and seductive. You take some deep breaths in and imagine yourself in those sexual moments. Remembering these times will take you back to an emotional place that is necessary for you to jump-start your libido and your confidence!

Avoid self-pitying dialogue.

Phrases such as “I haven’t had sex in awhile,” “I don’t remember exactly how to do this,” or “I feel like an amateur compared to you,” will be phrases that might set you up for a one-time only experience. Self-pitying is extremely anti-seductive and might have your partner feeling doubtful about how sex will be in the future if you are to continue with them. When in doubt on what to say, always throw in some dirty talk. Dirty talk helps to deflect your thoughts that creep into your mind when you’re feeling a little self-doubt and might help your partner get into a sexier mood. Remember: Always have dirty talk phrases stashed away in your mind prepared for use.

Enoy yourself!

A lot of times when we’re engaging in sex or haven’t had an orgasm with someone else in awhile, we tend to want something so badly that we forget to have fun while we’re in the moment. Although it’s nice to have an orgasm on the first go-round, we have to remember that it’s not necessary if you think your lover has the potential to be a continuous lover and learn your body. Quality is better than quantity anytime (but it’s nice to have both ;)).

Just because you’re out of practice doesn’t mean you can’t get back into the swing of things. Remember, having sex is just like riding a bike. Once you learn, it’s always there. Yeah, you might be a little hesitant when you get back on, but as you ride, it gets easier and easier. And as you get better and better bikes, you learn how to navigate them with grace and care… Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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