Holli, an ASN Most Influential Woman of the Lifestyle
Holli is one of ASN Lifestyle Magazine's Most Influential Women of the Lifestyle. All women featured in this series were chosen by the swinger community and ASN readers. Meet these women: who they are, and how they are recognized as leaders, influencers, and contributors within the Lifestyle community.
Holli grew up in a very small town in Arizona that was founded by Mormons. There were 2500 people in the town, and 98% were Mormon. She wasn't allowed to speak with anyone that wasn't in the church or befriend them. Talk about being repressed.
Holli had a hard time dating the guys she grew up with because she knew them too well. Without a doubt, she knew she didn't like that type. Plus, she knew deep down she didn't want to be part of the Mormon Church. As she got older, she realized the Mormon Church was not something she believed.
As soon as she turned 18 and graduated high school, she left that town. Holli moved to Tucson, Arizona, and met a young man that was the total opposite of her. This turned her on because she was rebelling against her parents, and being over 18, she was old enough to make her own choices. She started working for a company that flew her out to California for training. During this time, she met her first husband. They were married for 8½ years.
After a cordial split, she dated around and found what made her happy and what made her unhappy. She'd never really been single. She had a blast, and for the first time in her life had booty calls. After a while, she met the most amazing man. The man that let her be herself without fear of repercussions or judgment. She and Michael started dating, and he introduced her to the Lifestyle at her request. Her first time was the most incredible experience. She had told him exactly what turned her on, and he was all for it. She wanted to be with a woman so badly she could taste it each time an attractive woman passed her.
They went to the first party, and as nervous and excited as she was, she went without hesitation. The minute they got there, she began to look around. Holli had fun scoping out the entire mansion because you never know what will happen at these parties, and she wanted to take it all in. After they had their first cocktail and watched people on the dance floor, they began talking to other couples. Holli didn't realize she was such a voyeur. She was getting turned on and excited. This is the first Lifestyle party Holli had ever been to, and many places she looked people were having sex. Holli had never seen people having sex live in front of her before. She knew right then that she was in a place where dreams can come true.
She didn't know if she could look or how long she could look. What is or isn't appropriate. She had so many questions, and Michael was willing to answer them all. Holli knew the atmosphere screamed sexy. It loosened her up, and she began to realize that this is the life she wanted from now on.
A beautiful woman approaches Holli and Michael and asks Holli if she would like to kiss her. Holli is excited yet scared. Am I cheating on Michael? Even though I've fantasized about it, is this something I should be doing? She looks to Michael, and he reassures her he wants her to do what makes her happy. He tells Holli he is happy if she is happy. So, without any further hesitation, Holli kisses the girl. It took a couple more times of being with a woman for Holli to understand that she wasn't cheating on Michael. She learned living sexy is about communicating openly and honestly.
Holli and Michael are happily married. Together they co-parent and raise their son (from Holli's first marriage) and daughter (from Michael's first marriage).
What do you think is the biggest challenge going from being a monogamous couple to a swinging couple?
I think the biggest challenge is getting the communication down. A lot of couples have trouble with this to begin with, so they will have to learn to communicate. There is a lot of different journeys you will go on, and every situation is different. That being said... talk, talk, and talk some more. Even if you have to pull each other aside to talk. There is no such thing as too much communication in the Lifestyle.
What's the most common question you receive from people when they ask you about your personal practices within the Lifestyle? What is your response?
It depends on who’s asking and the situation. If my friend is asking, I tell them it's situational. Every situation is different. You can't know that until you are there. However, Michael and I talk about it beforehand, and we get a feel for how each other is feeling and where we should take it. If the cops are asking, you don't know me!
What advice do you have for women who are just dipping their toes into the Lifestyle?
Go at your own pace. Do not take advice from people. That is their situation; this is yours. Don't let anyone rush you if you are not comfortable. No means No, and don't have to worry about hurting people's feelings. That is their problem, not yours. Don't do anything you will regret, but have as much fun as you want.
When you first entered the Lifestyle, what's the best advice you were given?
Don't eat the white dip at the bar at a Lifestyle party. No really, the same advice I give people: go slow, communicate, have fun.
How has the Lifestyle has improved your life?
I believe it has made Michael and my relationship grow so much. Which, in turn, makes life happy and stress a little less stressful.
As an influential woman in the Lifestyle, what makes people gravitate to you or what makes you a leader?
The years of being on radio and TV interviewing and meeting new people and hearing stories from all over the world. It has educated me tremendously. Therefore, I believe it is my knowledge and experience that I have that makes them gravitate towards me. Plus, I like being silly.
In what ways have you been able to educate either those in the Lifestyle or those wanting to get in the Lifestyle?
Through TV, radio (Sirius, podcast, and internet), speeches all over the world, traveling, private sessions, conferences, and just meeting people and educating anyone that wants to know.
What’s the most common misperception the general public has about women in the Lifestyle?
That we are all bisexual. Which is not true. I've met A LOT of women in the Lifestyle that weren't bisexual at all. Plus, it isn't a requirement. Nothing is a requirement.
How would you describe the sexual evolution of you and other women in the Lifestyle?
I would describe it as apocalyptic. There has been such a huge number of women that are feeling more and more comfortable about being themselves sexually. It is not taboo for women to want pleasure, and for the longest time, it was. So, now we have our chance to shine.
If you’ve come out to your family and friends, what was that like and how do you feel now?
I didn't come out, per se. They just found out. My family is very religious, so this is a taboo subject to them. That being said, we talk all the time; we love each other. I have a very strong bond with my family, so it's a more “don't ask, don't tell” kind of situation. I love my family intensely, though.
If you are not bisexual, do you feel there’s a negative stigma around you and why? What could change this for others moving forward?
I am bisexual.
If communication is key to success in any relationship, what advice do you have for women to bring up the topic of entering the Lifestyle without their partner feeling they just want to “sleep around” or that their partner is “not enough?”
Do your research first. Make sure this is something you really want to get into. Maybe come up with things to present to your significant other to ease his mind a bit. Make sure the timing is right. You don't want to bring it up if you both have had a long day, and the kids are screaming, and there are dishes piling up. Wait until you both have alone time, and just talk to him. If things turn bad, then give it time and possibly bring up the subject at a later date. If things turn out good, then :).
This article originally appeared in the October 2019 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.