Nikki is one of ASN Lifestyle Magazine's Most Influential Women of the Lifestyle. All women featured in this series were chosen by the swinger community and ASN readers. Meet these women: who they are, and how they are recognized as leaders, influencers, and contributors within the Lifestyle community.
Hello, all you friends! I am Nikki, the female half of the podcast Our Naughty Escapades, and have been married to my amazing partner in fun for a combined 28 years! We have been in the Lifestyle for about nine years, and during this time, I have grown both as a human and also as an advocate for the Lifestyle community. I am very proud to be a bisexual woman in this amazing non-monogamous relationship and that I am accepted for who I am! Bob and I recently came out to family and some friends, not only with our faces, but we also dropped our pseudo names. Although having an alter personality as Jen for a couple of years was very liberating and freeing, being able to be ME is even more exciting.
I look forward to what the future will bring for the community that we love so much and for me.
STAY NAUGHTY Y’ALL…
What do you think is the biggest challenge going from being a monogamous couple to a swinging couple?
In the beginning, it was learning to communicate effectively and how to understand the feelings that arose throughout this journey.
What's the most common question you receive from people when they ask you about your personal practices within the Lifestyle? What is your response?
I would have to say questions about jealousy; if we had those emotions and how we dealt with them. The answer is yes, we had them, and even today, from time to time, that emotion comes out, but again, communication is the key to get through this. We discussed what caused the emotion and what we can do to keep it from happening again, sometimes taking a step back and making some changes is all it took.
What advice do you have for women who are just dipping their toes into the Lifestyle?
I would say to keep an open mind and explore all of your fantasies at your pace; do not allow anyone to make you feel like you need to move faster than you are ready for.
When you first entered the Lifestyle, what's the best advice you were given?
Always communicate with each other about all your feelings and any situations — good or bad.
How has the Lifestyle has improved your life?
It has strengthened our relationship, opened our communication about everything, and don’t forget — our sex life is off the hook now.
As an influential woman in the Lifestyle, what makes people gravitate to you or what makes you a leader?
I believe my open personality and zest for life might be what causes people to gravitate to me, but to be fair, I do not consider myself a leader. I just try to give back to the Lifestyle the knowledge others have given to me.
In what ways have you been able to educate either those in the Lifestyle or those wanting to get in the Lifestyle?
Having our podcast has been helpful to those new to the Lifestyle to gain knowledge and hear our experiences. We are always willing to meet new couples to answer questions and discuss concerns they might have about the Lifestyle or even how to get started.
What’s the most common misperception the general public has about women in the Lifestyle?
I hear quite a few about women only being in the Lifestyle because their husbands wanted them to. For me, I actually brought up the idea due to wanting to explore my bisexual side.
How would you describe the sexual evolution of you and other women in the Lifestyle?
For me, it is being able to become more open with who I am and my bisexual side. I feel that, as a woman, this gives us a safe space to be free to be who we are.
If you’ve come out to your family and friends, what was that like and how do you feel now?
I have come out to most of our family and friends, with the exception of my parents. It feels amazing to have the freedom to be me instead of having to hide behind a facade that society has deemed to be the norm.
If you are not bisexual, do you feel there’s a negative stigma around you and why? What could change this for others moving forward?
I am bisexual, so I have not seen this stigma; I have noticed that most assume all ladies are bisexual. I believe knowledge is power. Educating people that the Lifestyle allows us to be who we are without judgment — and that includes those ladies that are straight; they should not be made to feel bad about that.
If communication is key to success in any relationship, what advice do you have for women to bring up the topic of entering the Lifestyle without their partner feeling they just want to “sleep around” or that their partner is “not enough?”
I advise them to hold an open conversation about how they are feeling and why they would like to try this out, whether it is to spice things up or exploring some fantasies they might have. I have also recommended listening to some podcasts that will allow them to gain some insight into the Lifestyle in the comfort of their own home, which we have found helps the partner understand where they are coming from.
This article originally appeared in the October 2019 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.