Who are Tom and Bunny and What’s Their Story?
Tom and Bunny have been working and supporting the swingers’ Lifestyle industry for over 23 years and continue to this day.
Like everyone, Tom and Bunny started in the swingers’ scene trying to meet others who shared their interest and looking to learn more about the secret society of the swingers scene. Meeting people online before the internet, everyone had to send their photos to an address from magazines for swinging couples and eventually making their way to the club scene.
Who would have known that a trip to the local swingers club would change their life as they know it today? Where would they be today if they had not been active in the consensual nonmonogamy Lifestyle? That is a question that will remain unanswered, but on the ride of this roller coaster of life, they wouldn’t change a thing.
How did you two meet?
Tom was originally from California, and Bunny was living in Arizona when Tom’s family relocated to Arizona in 1985 for his parents’ new jobs. Tom had just turned 17, and Bunny was 16 at the time, and we found ourselves working for the same grocery store as baggers/carry-outs. Bunny noticed Tom right away as the new guy and immediately started informing all the other girls at work “Hands Off! He’s mine!” But one thing that everyone knew was Bunny already had a boyfriend at the time who happened to be named “Tom,” and he comes from several other boyfriends of Bunny’s who were also “Toms,” so it was destined Bunny would be married to a Tom someday.
One Saturday night, we both happened to be at the local Skating rink (it was the thing to do in the ‘80s), and Bunny and her boyfriend were there, and Tom comes walking in, and when Bunny saw Tom, she made her boyfriend take her home. Tom had a car but not his license, so one night, Bunny offered to give him a ride home as well as many other co-workers. Tom lived the furthest, so it would be obvious that would be the first stop, nope, Bunny made that the last stop, and when we got to the house, Bunny asked, “Do you have a Girlfriend?” and the reply was “No.” She hands over a slip of paper with her name and number on it and says, “Call me.”
So we went on our first date to a drive-in theater, we parked all the way in the back, and things were getting hot and heavy when Tom reaches over and licks Bunny from chin to forehead and says “I’m a freak” and Bunny informs Tom that she is a Virgin and that is how we first met.
What made you decide to get into the Lifestyle?
We had spoken about swinging with other couples as fantasy talk for over five years. After ten years of marriage and raising three kids, we had noticed that a lot of friends and coworkers were getting divorced for infidelity. With Bunny being a virgin when they met and Tom having limited experiences himself, we decided to start looking into the swinging Lifestyle to spice up our already crazy and fun sex life. We thought it would be best to experience new sexual partners together to see if this was something that we would like. Our first experience was with a couple who lived a few hours from us. They were brand new to the swinging Lifestyle like us, and we all had a great time, and our first experience went very well. We were hooked, and we decided to explore the swinging Lifestyle further, and over the years, the swinging Lifestyle has evolved into our personal Lifestyle because we love the Lifestyle so much we have been working in the Swingers scene now for over 22 years. Of course, not all of our stories end so well. That’s what makes this Lifestyle so interesting and exciting.
If a new couple were to ask you advice on how to get into the Lifestyle what would you tell them?
We would first tell them to evaluate their current relationship with an open and honest approach. Are they able to COMMUNICATE about EVERYTHING? When we say everything, we mean just that, even if it is embarrassing. Can you be HONEST to your mate? We often see people doing things that their mate wants them to do when, in fact, they are not comfortable doing those things, but they are afraid to be honest. Make sure your marriage is strong, and you can handle all the emotions that will go along with seeing your partner with someone else. Always talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly after an encounter so you will know how each other feels, but this must be done openly and honestly. The number one key to success in the Swinging Lifestyle is open communication. You have to be able to talk to your partner about anything. You cannot have any secrets or hide anything from your partner. Honest and open is the only way to be. Only go as fast as the slowest person. We know this is a Debbie downer, but if you want to enjoy the swinging Lifestyle to the fullest, don’t push your partner to do anything they do not want to or feel uncomfortable about doing, but more encourage them or find ways to make them more comfortable. Trust, this is one of the biggest things we see with couples and that once it is broken, it is nearly impossible to regain full trust back into your relationship. If you are having personal issues or trying to repair your marriage with non-monogamy, it will destroy it. Many we talk to feel that swinging is a prelude to finding a relationship replacement and often one of the other feels like they do not measure up because in their eyes, if everything is great, why bring something into your relationship that could be termed more as a virus? This is where open and honest communications and trust come into play. For us, we had a lot of fantasies that required more than the two of us. We used all the adult toys, and that was fun, but we were missing the one thing a toy cannot duplicate — a human element.
We applaud your honesty and openness with this Lifestyle, What makes you so open?
This is a great question, and we have always been very open and honest with everyone in our lives, and when we started doing our videos and podcast, we decided to bring those same ethics over with us. We get told by many people that they wish they could be as open or honest as we are in their daily lives and we also understand that you do not need to be open and honest to just everyone, not even family or friends, there are many things that we are not open and honest about with everyone and to be open and honest, that is basically because those things are really not any of their business to know. We may be more open with a couple or single or family member that shares our views more than say someone who doesn’t share our same views. That doesn’t mean we will not tell the truth; it just means we may leave out some information, but we would never say something that isn’t true. We get so many compliments and many of the people who follow our YouTube videos or podcasts, that the one main reason they can relate to us is our open discussions and how direct and truthful we are.
You told your family you’re in the swinging Lifestyle, how does your family feel about what you do?
Because we work, eat, breathe, and live the swinging Lifestyle, and the fact that we are open and honest with what we do, we did let our friends and family know about your Lifestyle. We would never advise anyone to tell their family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. We just kept getting asked how we were able to buy a house, cars, and a motorhome while we were not working (in their eyes), So we did inform them about us running an on-premise swingers Lifestyle club, and we had some good and some bad issues. Most have accepted what we do, and there are those who want nothing to do with us, and while we would love to have them in our lives, we understand and won’t push them or force them to do anything they are not fully comfortable with. Recently Bunny had a sister who was never upset with us directly has come back into Bunny’s life, and Bunny couldn’t be happier, so now we only have two of Bunny’s family who are not speaking to her, and we hope that one day they will understand that this is our lives and not theirs and that we would always accept them for any of their choices and we only ask the same.
Why did you start doing videos and podcasts?
We started with videos first a few years back as It was the easiest for us to begin. We had been listening to other podcasts and watching other Lifestyle video vloggers on YouTube, and everyone was saying how Swinging was the best thing for their marriage, and we couldn’t understand why anyone would make this claim as no one was making mention that communication was the best thing for a marriage. We believe that communication is the best thing for your marriage and that non-monogamy is just a little added spice to add to your already amazing sex life. Our first video was to let people know that while swinging is great and fun that open and honest communication with your spouse was what holds your marriage together, and this goes inside or outside the Lifestyle. We didn’t realize what an impact we made on people as we were only giving our personal opinion that what we were seeing was just wrong information and using our experience and the fact that we had been married for over 30 years and involved in the swinging Lifestyle, we decided to keep doing videos about our personal opinions on what works for us in the Consensually-Non-Monogamous Swingers’ Lifestyle. We added to our resources our own podcast, as we believe that everyone has a different opinion on the non-monogamy Lifestyle. Because we only give our personal opinions on what works for us as a couple who have been in the Swinging Lifestyle for now over 23 years, we always tell our viewers and listeners they should base their own opinions and to listen to other podcasts or YouTube videos to see what others say on the same subjects, as everyone will have a variation of how they view things and the Lifestyle.
Do you listen to your own podcasts?
Not always, as we do not edit our podcasts. Everything you hear and see on our videos is exactly as we say it and how we feel. We try to do our podcasts as if we were talking with someone sitting in our living room. Sometimes we will go back and listen to a podcast or video as we are driving, which is sometimes fun for us.
Do you believe your videos and podcasts help others?
Absolutely we do. We receive many emails, comments, and compliments on our videos and podcasts thanking us for what we do and how the listener or viewer likes that the fact we speak from our actual experiences and because we are so open and honest that they can personally relate to us. Since we ran one of the largest Lifestyle clubs for almost 20 years and now work for Tom’s Trips the Leader in adult Lifestyle travel, we have seen and experienced a lot of different scenarios, and we are often asked very specific questions which we will discuss in more general terms our answers to best reach the widest audience. We believe that the knowledge we have can be used to help others with their questions. Again, we only talk about what works for us as a couple. We would never tell people how they should live or participate in the Lifestyle except for getting out and meeting people and talking to people!
What is the best part of doing your videos and podcasts?
The best part of doing our videos and podcasts is all the positive feedback that we get from the community from viewers and listeners to other podcasters and vloggers, especially when we get emails from sex therapists telling us how spot-on our videos and podcasts are, and that they refer their patients to our content as they feel that their patients can relate to us as actually being in the Non-Monogamous Swingers Lifestyle. It is so nice to open up an email from someone who has said that they enjoy watching and listening to us. Our watchers also say that they like how well in-touch we are with each other, and they feel that they are sitting in our living room. Bunny is very partial to her Body Confidence videos and podcast that we receive such amazing emails and messages telling Bunny how much her Body Confidence videos have changed their lives. There were a few that were so emotional that we could feel the tears in the writing of the message from the person, and that deeply makes us both feel that we may have changed someone’s life for the better. We would also have to say that the best part of doing videos and podcasts is that we travel all over the country promoting Tom’s Trips, and because of our amazing jobs, we get to meet so many new people and make new friends.
How do you handle negative comments?
When we first started doing videos, in the beginning, it was very hard to read some of the negative comments people would write on our YouTube channel. Some of the negative comments we felt we could also learn from. But, most of the negative comments are people just being mean and judgmental. Most of these come from people who do not agree with our Lifestyle, do not understand what the Lifestyle is about and do not want to be a part of it. So, we ask ourselves, why did they watch our video or feel the need to make a comment? Some of the comments we have received were very direct attacks on us as people, our bodies, our age, or whatever they felt they could blast us on. We are sure these people live perfect lives and want to make sure we know all of our flaws!
We quickly learned that most of the negative comments were from cyberbullies that have nothing better to do, and they think it makes them feel better to put people down. If we do read the negativity, we let it roll off of us; some negative comments we have laughed at, too. We love ourselves the way we are, and we love the life we live. We don’t allow anyone to influence us, and we won’t allow anyone to bring us down. We are very active on our YouTube and our website, so we have decided that we won’t allow negative comments to be on our content as there is no place for it; all of the comments are reviewed by us before being made public, so our viewers and listeners do not have to go through what we do.
What topic means the most to you?
My original Body Confidence video I did in July 2017 is the closest to my heart. Everyone is beautiful. How you choose to portray your beauty is on you. Embrace what you have or what you want. Not everyone was born to be a certain size. We all have flaws that we do not like or are not comfortable with. Learning how to love yourself is the most important thing you can do in your entire life. We received so many emails and messages telling me how much that video affected them and changed their lives that we recently did a follow-up video based on some of the emails and comments, and we call that video Body Confidence Part II. Find us on YouTube at TomandBunny.
I would have to say the topic that is nearest and dearest to me is our Erectile Dysfunction videos. Being diagnosed with Graves’s disease many years ago and Diabetes, we thought that my erectile issues were just from getting older, but after doing some research,, we found that most doctors don’t actually even understand this disorder nor want to really talk about it. Erectile Dysfunction is one of the least talked about subjects because nobody wants to admit they have it or go to their doctor to see what is available. So many people live with it as their daily lives. We are also constantly learning from experience and have done a few videos on Testosterone, but we are finding Testosterone affects the libido but doesn’t affect the erection itself. We have tried many remedies, including Viagra, Cialis, Cock rings, home remedies, and now we are using TriMix. We have not done any videos on Trimix, but we plan to. The ED stuff we see on social media and TV commercials are all profit-driven, so they have an agenda of you contacting them. We just want to share what took us fifteen years of learning with our audience. We recently did an open discussion on ED, and the response was encouraging.
Do you believe that podcasters that have working knowledge and experience and not a degree should be able to monetize their podcasts and videos?
This is a touchy subject with many other podcasters and vloggers, as many feel that information should be shared freely and others feel that there is a value to what they are producing. We do believe anyone should be able to monetize their content based on their knowledge and experience others are using to aid them in their journey in the consensual sexual non-monogamous swingers Lifestyle as a value. Podcasters and vloggers invest not only their time, knowledge, and experience, but also a substantial cash investment into their equipment such as cameras, microphones, lighting, mixers, software, and subscriptions to post their content to websites. We have recently seen where some podcasters have put other podcasters on blast for charging for their content, and we disagree. People should not put others on blast for their personal views; they should just talk about what they do themselves and why their way works for them. Our podcast and videos are currently free to the public. Would we like to monetize our content and make money? YES, of course we would. We would prefer that our audience not have to physically pay any subscription fees or cost out of their pockets, and we were actually monetizing on YouTube with commercials on our videos. Recently, even though we were generating an income, YouTube said that they did not feel our content was of moral value to their advertisers and removed our monetization from our YouTube channel. Yes, two hours after they sent us a check, they removed the ability to generate revenue. We have some awesome subscribers and followers that have asked us to help with offsetting our costs by buying items we need for future content, so we recently set up a wish list on Amazon (suggested by a viewer) to allow us to put items we plan to buy ourselves but allow people the opportunity to buy them as gifts and mailed directly to us! We have received several gifts and we thank you all for your support.
Do you feel the Lifestyle is too commercialized?
We don’t think it is and we think there is room for everyone to capitalize on the Lifestyle. Tom has a saying: there is a gas station on every corner because there is obviously enough business or they wouldn’t be there. Now, we wouldn’t suggest opening a club down the street from an existing club that has been there; that would be a douche move and very frowned upon in the Lifestyle by other clubs and the people who may or may not attend. (Yes, this happened to us when we ran a club, and that club quickly went out of business for lack of business because of how they did it.) There have been many businesses created off both the demand as well as creating a new exciting idea to the Lifestyle. The Lifestyle evolves, and it all started with two couples saying, come to our house and let's party! Well, we made that up, but if this were true, then we could see one couple saying, "Do you mind if we invite some friends?" To the creation of the first house party that was all free, evolving from bringing a dish to share to making it easier, to just bring a donation to cover the food and mixers, and today there is a door fee. House parties turned into meet-n-greets at bars, to people actually creating clubs specifically for the Lifestyle. And then you have hotel parties, hotel takeovers, etc. Now there is competition, so these venues started adding more things to entice people to attend their events such as hot tubs, DJs, lighting, themed playrooms, and more. So, with all that listed, people had to really think outside the box to create businesses such as conventions; every industry has a convention, so why not the swingers Lifestyle? After that came the resorts that were doing Lifestyle weeks once a year, evolving to now they only cater to the Lifestyle year-around. We love that people are constantly thinking and moving the Lifestyle forward, and many may disagree, but we also like that this non-monogamy movement is pushing the mainstream with events such as Naughty in Nawlins (one of our favorites!), where Bob and Tess bring sex-positive consensually-non-monogamous couples out on the streets of Bourbon Street for what originally was the Swingers Parade and is now the Sexual Freedom Pride Parade. John and Jackie, the owners of Colette Clubs and Openlove101, brought Lisa Ling into their lives and into the swingers scene to allow the mainstream public a glimpse into our secret Lifestyle that has for years (to the mainstream) been full of misconceptions of visions of dirty clubs, and people to find that we are their next-door neighbors. Today, there are many businesses spawning up; as examples: The Swingers Train, websites like SDC.com, Kasidie.com and SwingLifestyle.com to name a few of the many, and now we are seeing a huge spike in video vloggers and podcasters hitting the scene, including the newest kids on the block — ASN LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE — which we feel brings so much support to the community. I know we did name basically every type of business or every business associated with the swingers Lifestyle, but this gives you our thoughts on how great it is that we live in such a time that we can be more open and honest, and this gives so many people a venue to enjoy their Lifestyle without having to recreate the wheel.
You left one the largest and most successful Lifestyle clubs after twenty years. Do you miss it?
There are things that we miss, and certainly things that we don’t. We do miss the people and friends that we made in the club. Working in a club made us who we are today and without that who knows where we would be. We do love the fact we work for the largest and one of the oldest adult Lifestyle travel agencies, Tom’s Trips, and that we now get to travel the US and the world and get to meet so many more people and see locations were unable to go to because we were always working at the club. On the flip side, we do miss the camaraderie of being with friends every weekend. But, we do not miss working every weekend in one location!
You took a job at Tom’s Trip and now travel for a living! How do you like always being on the road?
After working for the Lifestyle club for twenty years, we decided that we were not actually enjoying a life of having any fun, and we always enjoyed the travel to destinations like the Couples Cruise, Desire, Hedonism, and Lifestyle conventions. With the backing of our friends and family, we felt it was time to make a change in our life and try something new. We had felt for months before that our time at the club was starting to become mundane and wanted to reinvent ourselves. We had been traveling with Tom’s Trips as guests and decided to contact them; we sent them a resume on how we thought we could benefit their business and what we accomplished during our time at the club, as well as what we would like to do in the future. We knew everyone at Tom’s Trips, and we thought this was going to be our best fit, and after meeting with the owners, our idea became a life-changing experience. We were going to be leaving a job that we loved, family, friends, and a comfortable lifestyle in search of a new beginning. We travel nine-to-ten months out of the year, and it has had its challenges along the way, but the rewards and possibilities endless. We will say that we have been with Tom’s Trips now for over two years, and the other staff are like family. And the owners are not only transparent with all of us but they actually do care about their guests and are active in the business’s day-to-day operations. They allow us the freedom and fully support what we love to do — producing videos and podcasts around the Lifestyle.
What do you actually do for Tom’s Trips?
Tom’s Trips is the Leader and four-time-winner of the Annual Lifestyle Awards Best Lifestyle Travel Agency, and we wear many hats during our day-to-day jobs.
Bunny is a travel consultant, and she answers all types of questions — from potential and rebooking guests about Tom’s Trips and the different destinations available, to personal questions that many find embarrassing to ask that we won’t publish here, room categories and what is available, to actually booking your trips and getting you all set. People ask if Bunny gets commissions when booking travel... YES, she makes a commission for each booking she personally books and the price to the guest is the same regardless, so if you would like to book directly with Bunny, please give her a call at 800-285-0853 and select Option 2 and Extension 3, and she will be happy to answer all your questions. Make sure you mention you got her info from ASN Lifestyle Magazine and SDC.com so we can thank them!
Tom’s job is more detailed as he works on the Tom’s Trips website as well as other websites associated with Tom’s Trips. He is the Social Media director for Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and is the resident expert on Kasidie.com and is now evolving into setting up the Newsletters. Tom’s Trips is the only travel agency that includes a travel app for their guests, and Tom is part of the team that works on the backend updating the Daily Activities and Sponsors and engages with the guests on the frontend to encourage posting among people to help facilitate meeting others before the trip. The Tom’s Trips Travel app is the new application that we are most excited about. Many of you may or may not know, but Tom does all of the graphics for our website TomandBunny.com as well as the Tom’s Trips website, newsletter, social media, and travel app.
Tom’s Trips supports all of our videos and podcasts and sponsors our content by helping with the cost for subscriptions so that we are able to continue what we love to do. Yes, you get to hear ‘all of our podcasts and videos are Sponsored by Tom’s Trips, your Leader in Adult Lifestyle Travel’ at the beginning and end of all of our shows, and we can’t thank Tom’s Trips enough for including our media into our jobs. One way for you to support our videos and podcast is to travel with us. The number is listed above.
As a couple, we go around the country to events and promote Tom’s Trips to the guests of that event, and we get to meet a lot of new people, give away cool swag, and sometimes even trips! Kasidie.com is our partner in travel and is always sending us Kasidie Swag to give to the guests, which makes it a lot of fun. Some of the events we go to are local meet-n-greets, hotel parties, house parties, swing clubs, conventions, and Lifestyle resorts.
The best part of our jobs is going to Hedonism with many of the Tom’s Trips group events. While Tom’s Trips hosts about twenty group trips a year, we are lucky enough to be the host couple for our January trip, “FunderLust,” and the Kasidie Krush June trip followed up by the Sunny Buns in October. The first week of March is The Ms. No Swim Suit and is the Tom’s Trips Flagship event, and is so big we are part of a team of host couples. ‘Do we get to party while we are at Hedonism or always working?’ is the biggest question — yes, our company policy is, “Let us show you a good time,” and our company doesn’t believe in the all-work-no-play mentality. All the hosts are encouraged to enjoy the trip as much as they can while still committing to giving quality attention to our guests. So, do we love our jobs? YES!
Who would be your mentors and why?
There are so many amazing men and women in this Lifestyle who we look up to and admire. We have definitely learned and grown from so many of them.
Our biggest mentor is Russ Thomas, who owns Freedom Acres / ClubFA. Tom worked very closely with Russ for twenty years, not only helping to build an amazing club but also helping with outside ventures that he was involved with. We learned so much from Russ in both life and business. He took a struggling club and built it into a thriving business. If we ever decide to open a club on our own, we will be taking his business ethics on running an onsite club with us. Russ is a hands-on owner who is very friendly and connects with his customers, and everyone in his clubs knows and loves him.
Bob and Tess Hannaford are the other two. They have created an amazing event known as Naughty in Nawlins. This is, in our opinion, the best Lifestyle conventions in the world, and they work hard to always make it better. We look up to their hard work, dedication, and devotion to making the best event and always working with the Lifestyle community in its growth and new direction, Bob and Tess with their years of dedication to the Lifestyle are mentors to so many people and have always made themselves available to answer and assist people with issues small to big. Thank you, Bob and Tess, for your passion for the Lifestyle and our years of friendship.
This article originally appeared in the February 2020 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.