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Mindful Back Massage

SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sexual Therapy Mindfulness Exercise Back Massage
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sexual Therapy Mindfulness Exercise Back Massage
Take your sexy back rubs to a whole new level with this guided massage exercise that’s sure to fan the flames and deepen your intimacy.

In my last article, I introduced the practice of mindful sexual massage. This activity is designed to build upon your mindful sexuality training by shifting your focus onto giving a back massage. Learning how to give your partner's neck, shoulders, back, and buttocks 100% of your attention without judgment sets the stage for doing the same thing with your partner's genitals and full body during other erotic activities.


Mindful Massage Exercise #2: Mindful Back Massage


INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Have your partner lie on their stomach with their head pointing toward the head of the bed.

2. Have them move down so their head is about 16” from the end of the bed. Their feet and ankles will hang over the end of the bed.

3. Spend a few moments just noticing your partner’s back with all five of your senses.

4. Get close and examine your partner’s back from top to bottom. Imagine you are a scientist taking notice of the size, shape, color, texture, and taste of your partner’s back.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

5. Now, close your eyes and examine your partner’s back from neck to buttocks using your senses of touch, smell, and taste.

6. Use your nose, cheeks, face, head, and hair to examine your partner’s back.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

7. Now take a quick taste. You just washed your partner’s back, so it is clean. Suck or lick your any part of your partner’s back. You don’t have to get too freaky; just take a taste.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions about experiencing your partner’s back with all five of your senses.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s back.

8. Kneel on the bed with your toes curled under you and at the very end of the mattress. You can kneel on a pillow or put it under your buttocks if it makes you more comfortable.

9. Position yourself so your partner’s head is directly in front of your genitals.

10. Your partner’s arms should be extended forward and slightly bent at the elbows.

11. Their fingers should gently rest against you and lightly touch your genitals.

12. Take a few moments to get comfortable.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

13. Rock forward and lightly spread powder or oil over your partner’s shoulders, neck, and arms, all the way to the fingers.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

14. Now gently spread the powder or oil over the area covered using only your fingertips.

15. Start from behind your partner’s neck and using your fingertips only, move down the upper back, shoulders, upper arms, elbows, lower arms, wrists, and fingers.

16. Now work your fingertips back from your partner’s fingers back up the hands, forearms, elbows, upper arms, shoulders, upper back, and neck. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

17. Now repeat this sequence using the back of your fingernails to gently rake your partner’s neck, upper back, shoulders, upper arms, elbows, lower arms, hands, and fingers. 

18. Reverse this sequence and use your fingernails to gently rake your partner’s fingers, wrists, lower arms, elbows, upper arms, shoulders, upper back, and neck.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

19. This time repeat the same sequence, but only after you guide your partner’s hands to your genitals so they can feel your penis or vulva as you massage them.

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage your partner’s back.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you massage. 

20. Instead of using your fingertips, grasp your partner’s skin and muscle with your thumbs and forefingers. Gently roll the muscle in your partner’s neck, upper back, shoulders, upper arms, elbows, lower arms, wrists, and fingers.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

21. Now reverse your motion using your thumbs and forefingers to massage your partner’s fingers, wrists, lower arms, elbows, forearms, shoulders upper back, and neck.

22. This time, as you move up to your partner’s shoulders, rise off of your ankles and hunch over your partner’s head.

23. Let your genitals rub up against your partner’s hair and head as you finish massaging your partner’s neck and shoulders.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage your partner’s back.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you massage. 

24. Now shift your attention to your partner’s back, starting at the base of the skull and working down all the way to the crack of your partner’s buttocks.

25. Spread powder or oil over this area.

26. Use the light fingertip motion to spread the powder or oil from your partner’s neck all the way to your partner’s buttocks.

27. Focus on the center of your partner’s back a few inches on either side of the spine. 

28. Rise off of your ankles and move your body over your partner to reach all the way down to their buttocks.

29. Spread some powder or oil in the crack of your partner’s buttocks and gently spread it around with your fingertips. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

30. Move back up from your partner’s buttocks to the base of your partner’s neck using one continuous motion with the backs of your fingers. 

31. Now do one more down and back sequence using your fingertips and the backs of your fingers.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

32. Now spread your hands with your fingers pointing away from your partner’s spine. 

33. Position your hands so that the heels of your hands are about 3 inches away from your partner’s spine.

34. Rise up off your heels and lean over your partner putting your weight on your hands.

35. Press your partner’s back from just below the neck all the way to the crack of the buttocks. 

36. At the end of your motion, you should feel the curve of your partner’s spine as you massage over it. 

37. Ask your partner about the amount of pressure you are applying and adjust it accordingly.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

38. As you return to your kneeling position, move your hands and pull them up along the sides of your partner’s buttocks, waist, ribs, chest, and up to the armpits. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

39. Repeat that sequence a couple of times, pressing on the way down and pulling on the way back along the sides.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage your partner’s back.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you massage.

40. Now use your thumbs and entire hands to knead your partner’s back muscles as you start from the upper back, work your way down the middle, and end up at your partner’s buttocks.

41. Divide your partner’s back into four or five sections and stop at each and knead for a few moments before moving lower and lower. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS... good

42. Now get up off of the bed and have your partner scooch down so they can fully extend their arms overhead with their elbows slightly bent.

43. Take time to nuzzle your partner’s back and buttocks.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS... good

44. Get back on the bed and straddle your partner from behind. 

DO NOT DO THIS IF YOUR PARTNER HAS ANY BACK PROBLEMS. PROCEED TO STEP 51 AND KNEEL NEXT TO YOUR PARTNER RATHER THAN STRADDLING YOUR PARTNER’S BACK.

45. Your penis or vulva should rest directly over the topmost part of the crack in your partner’s buttocks. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

46. Use more oil to lubricate the area and let your penis or vulva nestle into the crack of your partner’s buttocks.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage your partner’s back.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you massage. 

47. Take the weight off of your partner’s body by lifting yourself as you move forward and massage your partner’s back from the buttocks up to the neck.

48. Start with light fingertip motions moving up and back from the buttocks to the neck and back. 

49. Do this a couple of times.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

50. Position your hands so that the heels of your hands are about 3 inches away from your partner’s spine.

51. Rise up off your heels and lean over your partner, putting your weight on your hands.

52. Press your partner’s back from just above the buttocks all the way to just below the neck.

53. Now move your hands to the sides of your partner’s torso and pull your hands back along the sides of your partner’s body down to the hips.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

54. Repeat this motion again, but this time, intentionally slide your genitals back and forth along your partner’s buttocks as you move up and down your partner’s back.

55. Ask your partner how this pressure feels and adjust it or stop it accordingly.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS 

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage your partner’s back.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you massage. 

56. Continue to massage your partner’s back and arms, but this time, as you press your hands up your partner’s back, go all the way up both arms to your partner’s fingers.

57. Allow yourself to gently press flat against your partner for a pause before returning back and pulling your hands down along your partner’s arms and down the sides of their back. 

58. Now close your eyes and examine your partner’s neck, head, hair, and shoulders using your senses of touch, smell, and taste.

59. Use your nose, cheeks, face, head, and hair to examine your partner’s neck, head, hair, and shoulders.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

60. Now take a quick taste. Suck or lick your any part of your partner’s neck, shoulders, or back. You don’t have to get too freaky; just take a taste.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions about experiencing your partner’s neck, head, hair, and shoulders with all five of your senses.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s back.

61. Continue to massage your partner’s back for a few more moments using any strokes you wish.

62. When you are done, gently roll off of your partner and rest side-by-side for a few moments. 

63. Use a towel to wipe off the excess oil or powder from your partner and cover them with the towel or blanket.

64. Relax — you have nowhere to go and nothing to do but enjoy this moment. 

65. Sometimes giving a back massage is very arousing and is a natural prelude for intercourse.

Take turns getting your partner off with your mouth. Today, you take the initiative and let your partner get you off the next time. 

 

In my next column, I’ll talk about mindful masturbation. You can listen to the recorded version of this activity by getting your copy of my Sexual Mindfulness audio collection at https://www.drrichblonna.com/audio/sexual-mindfulness/.


Dr. Rich Blonna

Dr. Rich is not a swinger. He is an SDC author/contributor who has written books and developed self-help courses that will help members of the SDC community enhance their sexuality and relationships. He is a a noted author, teacher, trainer, and coach. He has helped thousands of students and clients from across the globe improve their sex lives. He is a world-renowned expert in understanding how the mind and body work together to enhance sexual pleasure. He is a retired Professor Emeritus from William Paterson University in NJ, where he taught Human Sexuality for 28 years. As a nationally-certified Coach (BCC), Counselor (NCC), and Health Education Specialist (CHES), he uses the best practices from these disciplines to help you get the most out of your sex life. He is one of the pioneers of Acceptance and Commitment (AC) Coaching, an approach that helps you become more psychologically-flexible and unleash the power of your sexual mind to get the most out of your sex life. Dr. Rich is also certified in Naikan and Morita, two forms of Japanese psychology that use mindfulness and acceptance to help you shift your focus off of your unhelpful sexual thoughts and feelings, and onto acting in ways that enhance your sex life and relationships. He is the author of several books, adult-learning courses, and training materials that integrate this approach into the field of human sexuality.
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