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Questions to Deepen the Bond With Your Partner

Dr. Jess     
Connect with your partner on a more profound level by asking them these types of questions.

Dying to uncover your partner's deepest fantasies and most profound vulnerabilites? All you have to do is ask!

During the initial stages of dating, we tend to ask probing questions to get a better sense of a potential partner's personality and history. But why not take a chance and ask similar questions to a long-term partner? You never know what kind of answers you're going to get or where the conversation may lead.

Why Ask Questions?

Asking questions that encourage your partner to share previously unrevealed information or be vulnerable has the potential to deepen your connection.

The former facilitates the sharing of new information, which has the potential to reignite the passion-driven chemicals and feelings you experienced when you first met. On early dates, you were constantly learning, sharing and discovering new things about your partner — the associated anticipation, curiosity, and excitement helped to ignite dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline, which contributed to feelings of passionate love and interest. You can recreate these feelings with questions like:

  • What is one thing about your high school years that you’ve never shared with anyone?

  • Who was your role model growing up?

  • Describe your perfect week.

  • If you could change one day in your life, which day would it be?

  • Tell me about your first kiss.

Don’t Be Afraid To Be Vulnerable

Questions that require you to be vulnerable increase intimacy by stripping back the layers that make us seem strong, confident and “perfect”; vulnerability is essential to intimacy because it’s a natural state. We are all vulnerable and when we show it, we show our most authentic selves. Some questions in this category might include:

  • What is your greatest fear?

  • What do you really believe happens when we die?

  • Who are you most jealous of?

  • What was your most embarrassing moment?

  • Is there something in your past that you've had trouble getting over?

The spirit in which you ask these questions will influence your partner's response and willingness to share and open up. Obviously, you want to begin from a place of love and respect and be willing to share your own stories and insights, however uncomfortable you may feel.

If your partner isn't keen to open up right away, do not pressure them. Continue to express love and support and with time, you'll cultivate the trust and safety that underpins comfort in vulnerability.

Enjoy learning more about your partner, and letting them know you on a more profound level.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
  • Anonymous