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How To Reignite The Sexual Spark: Part II

Dr. Jess     
It’s a simple way to revisit and reignite the attraction and excitement you experienced when you first met.

In the first part of this series, I suggested that you schedule sex in order to reignite that sexual spark...sort of. The exercise actually involved finding a balance between spontaneity and planning.

Your second task, Why Do I Love You Again? involves a trip down memory lane. It’s a simple way to revisit and reignite the attraction and excitement you experienced when you first met.


Why Do I Love You Again?


Set aside 40 minutes along with your lover and ensure that you eliminate all potential distractions. I know it’s tough, but this is a partnered exercise and isn’t intended for the wide world of social media, so shut down your devices and take some time to slow down. I didn’t believe it myself until I tried it, but somehow the Twitter-verse manages to survive without us while we take time to recharge.

You can complete this exercise one of two ways: take turns answering the following questions face-to-face or if you prefer, you can print them out and jot down your responses before sharing them.


Take some time to reflect and try to be as honest as possible responding to the following questions:


  1. What was the first thing you noticed about your lover?
  2. What first attracted you to your lover?
  3. On your first date, what excited you most?
  4. On your first date, what made you nervous?
  5. Do you remember the first time you kissed? What was it like?
  6. Do you remember the first time you had sex? What was it like?
  7. What is one awkward intimate moment you wouldn’t want to relive, but are able to laugh about now?
  8. Can you remember the wildest/hottest sex you ever had? What made it so memorable?



When you’ve finished the exercise, take some time to relax, cuddle and kiss and enjoy the present while you reflect fondly on the past. Though your memories may not always be perfectly clear or perfectly positive, thinking back to the initial stages of attraction can reframe the way in which you regard your lover after years of daily conditioning. Check back soon for another strategy to help keep the fire burning between the sheets...

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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