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11 Ways to Initiate Sex

Dr. Jess     
Dr. Jess reveals 11 simple strategies to help you become a master of seduction.

To be a great lover, you need to hone your ability to seduce your partner and make them feel desired.

Body language, eye contact, tone, language and attitude are all essential to driving your lover wild, but sometimes we all need a little help with the practical side of initiating sex.

Here are eleven simple strategies to help you become a master of seduction.


Highlight the attention they receive from others


If you caught the gardener or bartender checking your lover out, use this as a way to flirt, stroke their ego and remind them that they’re a sexual animal in the eyes of others.


Reminisce about the past


Talk about the hottest sex you ever had with your partner and spare no detail as you whisper your memories into your lover’s ear.


Give orders


It’s okay to be demanding. Giving your partner directions is the perfect way to initiate sex without having to do all the work. Tell them exactly what you want: Look at me. Look me up and down. Stop your eyes right…there. Think about what’s underneath. Come here. No - stop there. Undo your top button. Turn around. Slowly. More slowly. Now come here. Kiss me right there. Harder. Get down on your knees…


Kiss passionately


It may seem obvious, but a deep, slow, passionate kiss may be all your lover needs to flip the switch from work mode into love mode. When you lock lips, not only are your mind and body reminded of the early days of passionate love, but the flurry of feel-good hormones also promotes bonding and relaxation.

Don’t wait until you’re in the bedroom to plant your first kiss — get started early in the morning or make out each time you hit a red light on your way home.


Pick a “flash” word


Choose a word (e.g. baby, popcorn, traffic, weather) that will serve as your private code word while out in public. Whenever you hear it, slip away and flash your lover a little extra skin.


Watch porn together


Couples who watch adult movies together have more satisfying sex lives, so pick a movie that will appeal to both of you to take Netflix and Chill to the next level.


Ask for it!


If you’re in the mood, say so! BUT - be clear that you’re in the mood for your lover — not just for sex. “I’m horny” certainly won’t get you as far as “I’m craving you and nothing else will do.”


Slip into the shower


Surprise your honey by joining them in the shower. Give them a few minutes to get cleaned up and then slide in and offer to lather their backside under the cascade of warm, wet steam.


Send a sext


New research shows that sexting is most common in committed relationships, between people with secure attachment styles, so it’s time to rethink this sexy pastime. You can use sexts to get your partner’s attention before asking them to run an errand, but you can also use them to set the tone for later in the evening.


Pull out the toys and lube!


What better way to signal your interest in sex than to leave your toys, lube and other sex props on the bedside table? Just be sure your in-laws don’t plan on visiting first.


Straddle them and give them a sensual massage


When you assume a position that you tend to associate with sex, your body and mind often follow. Climb atop and touch gently and erotically - no deep pressure needed.




Enjoy my tips on making your partner feel desired, and remember to always practice safer sex! This post is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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