New Year's Resolutions from a Sexologist

Dr. Jess     
While you're making resolutions to live a better life and become a better version of yourself, be sure to take some time to look at your relationships.

We may be nearing the end of 2018, but this article was originally posted on LisaLiving as proof that I did write my resolutions in time for the New Year:)

From LisaLiving:

As the New Year rolls in, we tend to focus on resolutions to improve our overall health. Gym memberships fly of the shelf, diet products sell out in response to turkey overload (how blessed we are to eat until we're full!) and new programs to quit our not-so-healthy habits make headlines with stories of success. It really is an exciting time and I think everyone deserves and can benefit from the feeling of a fresh start!

While you're making resolutions to live a better life and become a better version of yourself, be sure to take some time to look at your relationships. It only takes a few minutes, but thinking about your connections with friends, family, partners and co-workers can help you gain a new perspective on the ways in which you interact with others. Healthy relationships are of paramount importance to your own happiness and self-esteem and, so take some time to nourish them and take pride in those from the past, present and future.

I don't usually write about my personal life, but I'm happy to share a few of my relationship resolutions for 2012. Please feel free to share yours as well. We can learn so much from one another!


I will make more time for the people I love.


Last year was a dynamite year for my business, but I could have done a better job making friends and family a priority with phone calls, emails and get-togethers. Mea culpa! This year, I'm going to do a better job of this by scheduling time with loved ones the same way I schedule meetings and business engagements.


I'm going to ditch the smartphone.


OK. Not literally! Resolutions have to be realistic in order to be attainable, so I'm not about to throw my cell phone in the lake. But I am going to make an effort to turn it off when I'm out for dinner with friends or visiting my family. There will always be extraordinary circumstances, but I want this rule to apply as a norm rather than an exception.


I will set aside one day per week to spend time with my partner.


With my travel schedule and his insane workload (not to mention my just-barely-healthy love of Ultimate Frisbee), we sometimes go for weeks without actually spending quality time together. This has to change. I'm going to cut back on my 11p.m, Frisbee games so that we can go to bed together at night more than twice a week. He does a much better job of making me a priority despite working 14-hour days (and never complains), so I need to take a page out of his book this year.


I'm going to be more romantic.


I need to do more for my partner in terms of planning small surprises and organizing unexpected opportunities for fun and intimacy. After all, I'm a sexologist and should practice what I preach!


I'm going to see the best in others.


My mom taught me to do this from a really young age and I think I'm pretty good at it. But with stress, hectic schedules and other tidbits of life's drama, it's easy to get caught up in negativity. But everyone is full of goodness, so I don't want to lose sight of this. This doesn't mean that I will always be perfectly happy with everyone; sometimes it seems like people suck (and not in a good way). But really it's just specific behaviors that suck, so I'll do my best to look for the silver lining.


I want to start (almost) every sentence and action from a place of love.


Maybe it sounds a bit cheesy, but I want to consciously ask myself how I can move a relationship forward with everything I say and do. The more I do this, the easier it will become because practice makes perfect.


I'm going to stop being so hard on myself.


This is a tough one, but I have to build a healthy relationship with myself in order to cultivate happy relationships with others. And those of us who are hard on ourselves tend to also be tough on others. This means I have to accept that I will screw up sometimes. I will say things that are motivated by emotions other than love. I will have weeks when I don't make enough time for my loved ones and I will have days when I'm more smartphone-dependent than others. But it's okay, because I'm human and I'm doing my best (most days).


I will spread love in the big city!


Not that kind of love! Get your head out of the gutter. I'm talking about small acts that make others happy. Holding a door (even if you have to wait a few seconds to do so), offering a seat on public transit, a friendly smile and a warm hello can go a long way to warm up a winter-y urban center. And every interaction, however brief, constitutes a relationship in my books. I often think to myself, "I should buy that secretary or concierge a coffee the next time I'm here", but I don't follow through and I'm not sure it's always the thought that counts in this respect. This year, I will be more of a doer and less of a thinker. Thinking hurts my brain anyway. Kidding!




Wishing you a very happy and healthy year! You deserve it!

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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