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Mindful Couple's Masturbation for Her

SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sexual Mindfulness Training Couples Sex Practice Masturbation Vagina
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sexual Mindfulness Training Couples Sex Practice Masturbation Vagina
Masturbating your partner is a selfless act that can substitute for intercourse on those occasions where one partner is not in the mood for sex but still wants to please the other. In this practice, the focus is on partners with vaginas.

The focus of this article is getting your female partner off through masturbation. Couples sometimes get stuck in a sexual rut because they shift their focus off of the couple and onto the individual. He feels angry because his needs are not being met or she feels angry because she isn't getting enough sexual attention. This activity shifts the focus off of the self and onto the partner. It also introduces masturbation into the relationship in a very non-threatening way. Masturbating your partner is a selfless act that can substitute for intercourse on those occasions where one partner is not in the mood for intercourse but still wants to please the other.


Sexual Mindfulness Activity: Mindful Couple's Masturbation for Her


Instructions:

1. Lie down next to your partner on the bed so you can face her as you masturbate her with your hand. 

2. Spend a few moments just noticing your partner’s vulva.

3. Get close and examine her pubic area, vaginal lips, and perineum (the area between her vaginal and anal openings).

4. Carefully part her vaginal lips and examine her clitoris.

5. Imagine that you are a scientist taking notes about the size, shape, color, and texture of your partner’s vulva.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

6. Now close your eyes and examine your partner’s vulva using your senses of touch, smell, and taste.

7. Use your nose, cheeks, face, head, and hair to examine your partner’s vulva.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

8. Now take a quick taste. You just washed your partner’s vulva, so it is clean. Suck or lick any part of your partner’s vulva. 

Don’t start having oral sex; just take a taste.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions about experiencing your partner’s vulva with all five of your senses.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s vulva.

9. Put some oil, lotion, or jelly on your partner’s pubic area above her vagina

10. Lightly swirl the lubrication around her entire pubic area with your fingertips only.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

11. Continue spreading the lubricant, but this time, stroke the area using the front and back of your fingertips as you move up and down.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

12. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from her pubic area and your fingertips. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Continue to stroke your partner and notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings, as you stroke your partner’s pubic area.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you stroke your partner.

13. Now shift back to massaging your partner’s pubic area using your fingertips in a circular motion.

14. Continue to massage your partner’s pubic area for a few moments.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

15. Now increase the pressure on your partner’s pubic area by using your entire hand — the fingers, palm, and heel of your hand — to massage the area. 

16. Ask your partner how much pressure and motion she desires. 

17. Do not put any direct pressure on your partner’s clitoris yet.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

18. Experiment with different levels of pressure and types of motion, but keep the stimulation limited to the pubic area.

19. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from your partner’s pubic area and your hand and fingers. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

20. Now shift your attention to your partner’s vaginal lips (the folds of skin that protect the opening of her vagina).

21. Notice that the very top of her lips form a fold that covers her clitoris.

22. Gently part this fold and notice your partner’s clitoris and the opening to her vagina. 

23. Put some oil, lotion, or jelly on your partner’s vaginal lips using your thumb and fingertips.

24. Lightly roll each vaginal lip with your thumb and forefinger, moving up and down the entire length of her vaginal lips.

25. Take your time; you have nowhere to go and nothing to do but massage your partner’s vaginal lips.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

26. Now switch to a stroking motion, and use your fingertips and the back of your fingertips and knuckles to massage your partner’s vaginal lips. 

27. Do not touch her clitoris directly when doing this. Part your fingers when working up and down to go around her clitoris.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

28. Continue to massage your partner’s vaginal lips, but now gently tug them back and forth and up and down, indirectly stimulating her clitoris this way.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Continue to massage your partner’s vaginal lips. Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage her.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you massage your partner’s vaginal lips. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

29. Now shift your attention to your partner’s clitoris and gently massage it using your fingertips.

30. Use a swirling motion to move her clitoris around and around.

31. Try experimenting with varying amounts of direct pressure on the head of your partner’s clitoris.

32. Ask your partner if you are using the right pressure and swirling motion.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

33. Continue to stimulate your partner’s clitoris, but this time, use your thumb and forefinger to grasp it and swirl it.

34. Gently tug her clitoris as you swirl it.

35. Now try stimulating your partner’s clitoris with indirect pressure on it by massaging the topmost fold of her vaginal lips where they meet at her clitoris.

36. Ask your partner if you are using the right pressure and tugging motion.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

As you continue to stimulate your partner’s clitoris, notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage it.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your thumb and finger as you stimulate your partner’s clitoris.

37. Put some oil, lotion, or jelly on your partner’s perineum (the area between her vaginal and anal openings).

38. Lightly swirl the lubrication around your partner’s perineum with your fingertips only.

39. Try experimenting with varying amounts of pressure and motion on your partner’s perineum.

40. Ask your partner which level of pressure and type of motion feels the best. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

41. Now shift your attention to your partner’s entire vulva and vaginal opening.

42. Spend a few moments just noticing this area.

43. Get close and examine her pubic area, vaginal lips, clitoris, and perineum now that she is aroused. 

44. Notice the changes in the size, shape, and color of her vaginal lips and clitoris.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

45. Now gently insert one well-lubricated finger into your partner’s vagina and move it in a slow circular motion. 

46. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from your partner’s vagina and your finger as you gently move it in a circular motion. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

47. Experiment with the depth of your finger and pace of your motion as you move your finger in a circular motion in your partner’s vagina. 

48. If your partner is comfortable with you inserting more than one finger, experiment with inserting more than one finger into her vagina and moving them in a circular motion. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

49. Now combine the circular motion of your finger or fingers with pressure on your partner’s clitoris using the heel of your hand. You might find that stimulating her clitoris with the fingers or heel of your opposite hands works better for you in providing clitoral stimulation. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Continue to stimulate your partner’s vagina and clitoris and notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you do this.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you stimulate your partner’s vagina and clitoris. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

50. Now switch from a circular motion to in-and-out thrusting.

51. Thrust your finger or fingers in and out of your partner’s vagina.

52. Experiment with the depth and pace of your thrusting.

53. Ask your partner what type of thrusting she desires. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

54. Now combine thrusting in and out with applying pressure on your partner’s clitoris using the heel of your hand. 

55. You might find that stimulating her clitoris with the fingers or heel of your opposite hands works better for you in providing clitoral stimulation. 

56. Continue masturbating your partner with any of the types of stimulation, pressure, and pace that are pleasurable for her. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

57. Continue with them until she reaches an orgasm or asks you to stop.

58. After your partner has her orgasm or asks you to stop, lie quietly and pay attention to the sensations in your and your partner’s bodies. 

59. Allow your partner’s body to relax, her vaginal area to return to a non-aroused state, and her breathing to return to normal before getting up.

60. Relax — you have nothing to do and nowhere to go for the next few minutes.

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and feelings as you massage your partner’s back.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations of lying next to her. 

Take turns masturbating each other. Today, you take the initiative and let your partner get you off the next time. In my next column, I’ll talk about mindful masturbation for him. You can listen to the recorded version of this activity by getting your copy of my Sexual Mindfulness audio collection at https://www.drrichblonna.com/audio/sexual-mindfulness/.


Dr. Rich Blonna

When you ask folks what their greatest erogenous zone is, most will say my cock, my pussy, or my genitals. In fact, the seat of your sexual pleasure does not lie between your legs, in your genitals, but rather between your ears in the most powerful sexual organ of all, your brain. Desire, arousal, orgasm, and satisfaction all begin and end in your brain with what your mind tells you about your sexuality. That is because your mind is a non-stop thinking and feeling machine. It constantly churns out sexual thoughts, mental images, self-talk and emotions. Some of these are positive and fuel your sexual pleasue while others can interfere with it and make it harder for you to get aroused, orgasm, and feel sexual satisfaction. That is why I call my training program, and my SDC group, Great Sex from The Inside Out. All sexual pleasure training should start by looking inward and understanding what your mind is telling you about your sexuality. In my group and my articles and videos we'll explore how your mind works to fuel the passion in your relationships whether you have been with your partners for 10, 20, or even 50 years like me. Join my group and share your thoughts, I'd love to hear from you. Video Course - check out my Great Sex From the Inside Out course. It combines my Sexual Mindfulmness course with advannced techniques that will help you unleash the power of your sexual mind. https://www.drrichblonna.com/product/great-sex-from-the-inside-out/. Personal Great Sex Coaching - Train at a distance with me using Zoom or let me train you in the privacy of your own home. I'll travel for free to 50 mile radius of Marco Island. https://www.drrichblonna.com/coaching/ Message me for more information or to set up a time to talk. Your first 20 minute consultation is free.
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