Mindful Couple’s Masturbation for Him
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sex Therapy Couples Sexual Mindfulness Masturbation Activity
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sex Therapy Couples Sexual Mindfulness Masturbation Activity
While it’s typically considered a solo activity, manually pleasuring each other can be highly erotic and adds a new dimension to the exchange of your sexual energy.

The focus of this article is getting your male partner off through masturbation. Couples sometimes get stuck in a sexual rut because they shift their focus off of the couple and onto the individual. He feels angry because his needs are not being met, or she feels angry because she isn't getting enough sexual attention. This activity shifts the focus off of the self and onto the partner. It also introduces masturbation into the relationship in a very non-threatening way. Masturbating your partner is a selfless act that can substitute for intercourse on those occasions where one partner is not in the mood for intercourse but still wants to please the other.


Sexual Mindfulness Activity: Mindful Couple’s Masturbation for Him


Instructions

1. Lie down next to your partner on the bed so you can face him as you masturbate him with your hand. 

2. Spend a few moments just noticing your partner’s penis and scrotum.

3. Get close and examine his penis, testicles, and scrotum, and his perineum (the area between his scrotum and anal opening). 

4. Imagine that you are a scientist taking notes about the size, shape, color, and texture of your partner’s genitals.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

5. Now close your eyes and examine your partner’s genitals using your senses of touch, smell, and taste.

6. Use your nose, cheeks, face, head, and hair to examine your partner’s penis, scrotum, and entire genital area.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

7. Now take a quick taste. You just washed your partner’s genitals, so they are clean. Suck or lick any part of your partner’s genitals. Don’t start having oral sex — just take a taste.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions about experiencing your partner’s genitals with all five of your senses.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s genitals.

8. Put some oil, lotion, or jelly on the head of your partner’s penis.

9. Lightly swirl the lubrication around the head of your partner’s penis with your fingertips only.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

10. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from the tip of your partner’s penis and your fingertips. 

Note the thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images that accompany your actions.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you masturbate your partner.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

11. Now use your thumb and middle two fingers to swirl the lubrication around the head of your partner’s penis.

12. Use your three fingers to apply pressure to your circular motion. Experiment with different levels of pressure but keep the stimulation limited to just the head of your partner’s penis. 

13. Ask your partner what kind of pressure he likes and adjust your pressure accordingly. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

14. Now shift your attention to the shaft of your partner’s penis — the area that extends from the head to his testicles (balls). 

15. Put some oil, lotion, or jelly on the shaft of your partner’s penis and your fingertips.

16. Lightly move your fingers up and down and around the shaft of your partner’s penis with your fingertips only. Do not grab hold of his penis, just stroke it gently with your fingertips.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

17. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from the shaft of your partner’s penis and your fingertips. 

Note the thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images that accompany your actions.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you masturbate your partner.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

18. Now wrap your hand around the shaft of your partner’s penis. Apply pressure as you stroke his penis with your hand. Experiment with different levels of pressure and the speed of your stroking motion. 

19. Ask your partner what kind of pressure and speed he likes and adjust your stroking motion accordingly. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

20. Put some oil, lotion, or jelly on your partner’s testicles.

21. Lightly swirl the lubrication around your partner’s testicles with your fingertips only.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

22. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from your partner’s testicles penis and your fingertips. 

Note the thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images that accompany your actions.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you masturbate your partner.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

23. Now wrap your hand around your partner’s testicles and apply pressure as you knead his testicles using your hand. Experiment with different levels of pressure and the speed of your kneading motion. 

24. Be careful and start very gently as this is a very sensitive area.

25. Ask your partner what kind of pressure and speed he likes and adjust your kneading motion accordingly. 

26. Continue this motion for a few moments. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

27. Now shift your attention to your partner’s entire genital area.

28. Spend a few moments just noticing this area.

29. Get close and examine his penis, testicles, scrotum, and perineum now that he is aroused. 

30. Notice the changes in the size, shape, and color of his penis, testicles, and scrotum.

Note the thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images that accompany your actions as you examine your partner’s genitals. 

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s genitals.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

31. Now put some oil, lotion, or jelly on your partner’s perineum (the area between his testicles and his anal opening).

32. Lightly swirl the lubrication around your partner’s perineum with your fingertips only.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

33. Focus your attention on the sensations emanating from your partner’s entire penis, testicles, perineum, and your hand. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

34. Now go back and wrap your hand around the shaft of your partner’s penis. Increase the pressure and speed of your stroking and other motions.

35. Ask him what pressure, speed, and motions he needs in order to climax. 

Note the thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images that accompany your actions as you get ready to make your partner come. 

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your hands and fingers as you masturbate him.

36. Continue your stroking and other motions until your partner climaxes.

37. After your partner ejaculates, lie quietly and pay attention to the sensations in his genital area and the rest of his body as he winds down.

38. Let his penis go limp, and his breathing return to normal before getting up and washing him off with a warm washcloth and dry towel.

39. Relax — you have nothing to do and nowhere to go for the next few minutes.

Note the thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images that accompany your actions as you lie together. 

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s body and the sensations in your body as you lie down next to him.

Take turns masturbating each other. Today, you take the initiative and let your partner get you off the next time. In my next column, I’ll talk about mindful oral sex. You can listen to the recorded version of this activity by getting your copy of my Sexual Mindfulness audio collection at https://www.drrichblonna.com/audio/sexual-mindfulness/.


Dr. Rich Blonna

Dr. Rich is an SDC author/contributor who has written books and developed self-help courses that will help members of the SDC community enhance their sexuality and relationships. He is a a noted author, teacher, trainer, and coach. He has helped thousands of students and clients from across the globe improve their sex lives. He is a world-renowned expert in understanding how the mind and body work together to enhance sexual pleasure. He is a retired Professor Emeritus from William Paterson University in NJ, where he taught Human Sexuality for 28 years. As a nationally-certified Coach (BCC), Counselor (NCC), and Health Education Specialist (CHES), he uses the best practices from these disciplines to help you get the most out of your sex life. He is one of the pioneers of Acceptance and Commitment (AC) Coaching, an approach that helps you become more psychologically-flexible and unleash the power of your sexual mind to get the most out of your sex life. Dr. Rich is also certified in Naikan and Morita, two forms of Japanese psychology that use mindfulness and acceptance to help you shift your focus off of your unhelpful sexual thoughts and feelings, and onto acting in ways that enhance your sex life and relationships. He is the author of several books, adult-learning courses, and training materials that integrate this approach into the field of human sexuality.
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