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Orgasms 101 on LisaLiving

Dr. Jess     
Orgasm is the stage of human sexual response that is often marked by a release of tension and heightened sexual pleasure.

Orgasm is the stage of human sexual response that is often marked by a release of tension and heightened sexual pleasure.

Orgasms usually involve involuntary muscle spasms, blood flow to the genitals, heightened sensitivity, increased heart rates and hormone release. They may also include ejaculation in both men and women, a visible sex flush and a subsequent state of deep relaxation.


Is There a Right Way to Orgasm?


Though often a high point of sexual activity, an orgasm should not necessarily be the primary aim, as goal-oriented sex often cultivates unnecessary pressure that detracts from the overall experience. Each woman experiences orgasms differently and no two orgasmic encounters will ever be the same. Some orgasms feel like a gentle flutter or tickle while others may be described as a tremendous release.

I advise clients to experiment with orgasms on their own to become comfortable with their natural response, which may include an infinite range of facial expressions, gestures, movements, change in breathing patterns, moans, sighs, sounds and emotions. There is no “right” way to orgasm or express orgasmic release and the porn-gasms that erotic film stars act out in adult films are not representative of the typical female orgasmic response.


Stimulate the Brain and the Body will Follow


Some of the most satisfying orgasms may make you want to lay back and coo gently while others might induce thunderous screams, but sound volume is not positively correlated with pleasure intensity. Powerful orgasms can be experienced in near-silence to the quiet hum of deep exhales and fluttering lashes.

Most women do not experience orgasm through vaginal penetration alone and though there is a widespread debate surrounding clitoral versus vaginal orgasms, many sex experts believe that the orgasm originates in the brain and can involve the entire body. The brain, which regulates and controls our central nervous system, sends and receives the signals necessary to enjoy orgasm. This is why many people can experience physical arousal independent of subjective arousal. All the physical stimulation in the world often pales in comparison to the stimulation of our most powerful sex organ – the brain.

While we can play with our psychological, chemical and emotional arousal through fantasy, full-body orgasms can be cultivated through thorough, slow exploration and stimulation of all of our beautiful body parts. The clitoris is a great place to start as you explore your orgasmic potential, but women can enjoy orgasms from stimulation of their breasts, pubic mounds, underarms, brains and even their feet.




For women who are yet to experience orgasm, masturbation is the best place to start, as it offers an opportunity to learn about your unique needs, hot spots, reactions, and limitations. Tune in to Orgasms Part II for some advice on learning to orgasm for the first time.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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