Going Down and Eating Out
The following post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please access www.sexualityandu.com for accurate sex information.
As promised, I describe another oral sex term below: The Aficionado. This one is for all the men, and women who love women, who enjoy pleasing women and keeping us coming back for more.
Once again, I can only offer my personal thoughts based on my own experience, research and conversations with other women. This is not a prescription for great cunnilingus, but just a description of one possible approach to fun, sensual muff-diving. Contrary to the popular belief that “anything you do feels good down there,” each woman has a set of unique desires and responses and open communication is the best way to learn about what she loves. This open communication should be a two-way street in which she gives encouraging feedback and you ask supportive questions.
Encouraging feedback might include the following requests/responses: Faster. Oh, yeah! Slower. Yes! Harder. I like that! Gentler. Oooooh! Higher. Lower. Flatten your tongue. Point/harden your tongue. Put it in. Pull it out. Nibble gently. Bite harder! Yes! More! Go back to what you were doing a moment ago. That felt great!
Supportive questions might sound like this: Does that feel good? Where do you like it? Can I nibble harder? Should I slow down/speed up? Is this OK? Can I lick you here?
Performance pressure (the need to “give” or “have” an orgasm) should be eliminated – I’ll write about strategies for reducing this pressure very soon.
Let’s get back on topic. Introducing:
The ancient Kama Sutra suggests the use of “breath kisses” to build up arousal prior to cunnilingus. Breath kisses are kisses that you blow onto her skin using your breath: moisten your lips and kiss the air one centimeter away from her skin. Perfectly placed breath kisses can give her goose bumps and/or make her nipples hard with pleasure and anticipation.
Work your way down her body beginning with light breath-kisses on her neck; move very slowly and as you approach below the belly button, move your moistened lips closer to her skin until you’re making contact. Give gentle kisses to her pubic mound, inner thighs and outer lips while you gently run your fingertips up and down the sides of her chest and stomach.
The Aficionado is like a food or wine connoisseur; s/he loves the taste, smell, feel and aura of the vulva. (The vulva includes all the sexual organs on the outside of the genital area including the outer labia/lips, inner labia/lip, clitoral hood and glans, vaginal opening.)
Consider applying lube sensuously and generously to the vulva.
Slow and Sensual
The Aficionado slowly, delicately and consciously enjoys licking, feeling, smelling and tasting the textures of the vulva. S/he is less concerned with technique and performance, as s/he simply enjoys the pleasure of eating a woman out.
Like a wine connoisseur, s/he doesn’t rush, and shows appreciation for the vulva with sounds, heavy breath and sensual glances upward.
The Aficionado devours all that she has to offer and tells her how much s/he enjoys it.
Touch and Breath
Begin by breathing kisses onto the outer lips and slowly work your way up to a full contact kiss with highly-moistened lips. Try using a lube in your favorite flavor.
Enjoy the feel and aroma of the vulva (much like a fine wine) and breathe slowly and heavily as you begin to lick between the outer labia to separate them.
Run your tongue slowly up and down the space between the inner lips and warm them with your rhythmic breath.
Tell her how much you love this.
Spread Those Lips
Use your moistened (warmed) hands to separate her lips as you point your tongue and tickle the opening of her vagina.
You may insert your tongue gently and feel the inside walls; the majority of sensitive nerve endings are near the opening of the vagina, so there is no need for deep penetration.
Spread your lips around the entire vulva and suck it in like you’re eating the top of a delicious ice cream cone. Try licking it with a flattened, soft tongue and slowly bob your head up and down so that the tongue stays soft.
Make Your Way to the Clit
Consider giving her a Nose Job, which entails rubbing your nose against her vulva. (Use lubricant and be weary of rough facial hair, which some women find irritating and others adore.)
Slowly work your way up to her clitoral hood and glans. If the glans is not protruding from beneath the hood, use your tongue or fingers to gently pull it back. Tenderly lick, suck and twirl your tongue around her glans.
You might want to insert a lubricated finger into her vagina and gently curl it upwards toward her stomach.
Pay attention to her responses. Each woman will respond differently and while some love direct stimulation of their clitorises, others may find it irritating. This is why it’s so important to ask her what she likes and view this experience as an ongoing learning process.
Don’t feel you need to follow these guidelines in succession. They are merely suggestions to get you started…you’ll come up with lots of fun and sexy ideas on your own. Make your own pleasure of paramount importance as well. The Aficionado enjoys a woman’s vulva like a fine wine and feels satiated after drinking it in. Have fun and practice safer sex using a dental dam or condom cut lengthwise to create a barrier between your mouth and her vulva.