Mindful Oral Sex for Her
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sexual Mindfulness Oral Sex Cunnilingus Couple Activity
SDC Dr Rich Blonna Sexual Mindfulness Oral Sex Cunnilingus Couple Activity
Immersing yourselves in the sensations of oral sex takes pleasure to new depths. Here's how to make cunnilingus a full mind and body experience.

Oral sex is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your lips, mouth, tongue, and face. The three main types of oral sex are fellatio (mouth-to-penis contact), cunnilingus (mouth-to-vulva contact), and anilingus (mouth-to-anus contact). All three are common forms of sexual expression for straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and pansexual people.

Going down on your partner allows your partner to be passive while you take control. This activity shifts the focus off of the self and onto the partner. It also introduces oral sex into the relationship in a very non-threatening way. Going down on your partner is a selfless act that can substitute for intercourse.


Sexual Mindfulness Activity: Mindful Oral Sex for Her


1. Lie down next to your partner on the bed so you can face her as you give her oral sex. 

2. Spend a few moments just noticing your partner’s vulva.

3. Get close and examine her pubic area, vaginal lips, perineum (the area between her vaginal and anal openings.) 

4. Carefully part her vaginal lips and examine her clitoris.

5. Imagine that you are a scientist taking notes about the size, shape, color, and texture of your partner’s vulva.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

6. Now close your eyes and examine your partner’s vulva using your senses of touch, smell, and taste.

7. Use your nose, cheeks, face, head, and hair to examine your partner’s vulva.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

8. Now take a quick taste. You just washed your partner’s vulva, so it is clean. Suck or lick any part of your partner’s vulva and get a taste of what is to come.

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions about experiencing your partner’s vulva with all five of your senses.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s vulva.

9. Have your partner lie on her back on your bed. 

10. Lightly swirl around your fingertips and the back of your fingers around your partner’s vaginal lips, clitoris, and entire pubic area. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

11. Gently rake your fingernails over the same area.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

12. Notice the effects of your fingers on your partner.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

13. Continue to do this for a little while longer.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

14. Relax, You have nowhere to go and nothing to do except please your partner.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

15. Now get comfortable kneeling or lying next to your partner so you can easily reach your partner’s vulva with your mouth. 

16. Take a few seconds to find your most comfortable position. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

17. Start by gently licking and nuzzling your partner’s vulva and entire public area with your lips, tongue, and nose.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions about licking, sucking, and nuzzling your partner’s vulva.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s vulva.

18. Notice the effects of your movements on your partner’s vulva and the rest of her body.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

19. Now part your partner’s vaginal lips with your fingers and gently stimulate your partner’s vaginal lips with your tongue.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

20. Use your tongue to gently lick, flick, or swirl around your partner’s vaginal lips, from her clitoris to her perineum (the area between her vaginal opening and anal opening).

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

21. After a few moments of doing this, change actions and insert your tongue into your partner’s vagina. 

22. Explore your partner’s vaginal opening by pushing your tongue into the opening and swirling it around.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

23. Take your time and notice your partner’s vulva and vaginal opening as you lick, swirl, and probe it with your tongue.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

24. After a few moments of doing this, change actions and gently suck on your partner’s vaginal lips. Use your tongue and lips to suck on your partner’s entire vaginal lips. 

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions as you lick and suck your partner’s vaginal lips and insert your tongue into her vagina.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s vulva.

25. Part her vaginal lips and gently find her clitoris. Notice the size, shape, texture, and taste of her clitoris as you gently lick and suck it.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

26. The clitoris contains the most nerve endings of her entire vulva, so spend time licking, sucking, and caressing this area with your lips, tongue, nose, and face. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

27. Notice the effects of your licking, sucking, and nuzzling on your partner.

28. Notice any changes to the size, shape, and color of your partner’s vulva in this aroused state.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

29. Now back off and massage your partner’s vulva with your hand for a while. Use your entire hand to cup her vulva in your hand and massage it with a circular motion keeping firm but gentle pressure on her clitoris.

30. As you do this, relax, and enjoy what you are doing rather than thinking about what you “should” be doing. Notice the effects of your actions on your partner.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

31. Take this opportunity to ask your partner if you are applying the right amount of pressure with your mouth and face when you lick, suck, and nuzzle her vulva. 

32. Ask her if she wants you to continue to insert one or more fingers into her vagina as you lick and suck on her clitoris and vaginal lips.

33. If she wants it, insert one or more fingers and gently thrust them in and out as you lick and suck on her vulva.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

34. Continue to lick, suck, and nuzzle your partner’s clitoris, vaginal lips, and vaginal opening, adjusting the pressure, intensity, and speed of your actions based on what your partner told you she desires. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

35. If you are comfortable with it, lick your partner’s perineum, the area between your partner’s vaginal opening and her anal opening. This area is an often-overlooked erogenous zone.

36. Spend a few moments licking this area.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions as you lick and suck your partner’s vaginal lips and her perineum.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s vulva.

37. At this point, your partner might start moving her vulva against your face as she might be getting ready to come. 

38. Notice what is going on in her vulva, legs, and the rest of her body as she gets ready to orgasm.

39. Her legs will start tensing, her toes will start curling, and other muscles will get more tight and tense. Her breathing will also increase. She might start to arch her back and push even more forcefully against your lips, tongue, and face.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

40. If your partner is ready to come, you can finish her off with your lips, tongue, face, and fingers.

41. If she isn’t ready, relax, and continue with whatever motions she wishes until your partner comes.

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

Notice your thoughts, self-talk, mental images, and emotions as you bring your partner to orgasm.

If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, note that this is happening and say to yourself, “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment,” and focus on your partner’s vulva and her orgasm.

42. Spend a few moments maintaining contact with your partner as she finishes having her orgasm. 

PAUSE A FEW SECONDS

43. When she is finished coming, relax, curl up with your partner, and just cuddle for a while.

Take turns getting your partner off with your mouth. Today, you take the initiative and let your partner get you off the next time.
You can listen to the recorded version of this activity by getting your copy of my Sexual Mindfulness audio collection at
https://www.drrichblonna.com/audio/sexual-mindfulness/.


Dr. Rich Blonna

Dr. Rich is an SDC author/contributor who has written books and developed self-help courses that will help members of the SDC community enhance their sexuality and relationships. He is a a noted author, teacher, trainer, and coach. He has helped thousands of students and clients from across the globe improve their sex lives. He is a world-renowned expert in understanding how the mind and body work together to enhance sexual pleasure. He is a retired Professor Emeritus from William Paterson University in NJ, where he taught Human Sexuality for 28 years. As a nationally-certified Coach (BCC), Counselor (NCC), and Health Education Specialist (CHES), he uses the best practices from these disciplines to help you get the most out of your sex life. He is one of the pioneers of Acceptance and Commitment (AC) Coaching, an approach that helps you become more psychologically-flexible and unleash the power of your sexual mind to get the most out of your sex life. Dr. Rich is also certified in Naikan and Morita, two forms of Japanese psychology that use mindfulness and acceptance to help you shift your focus off of your unhelpful sexual thoughts and feelings, and onto acting in ways that enhance your sex life and relationships. He is the author of several books, adult-learning courses, and training materials that integrate this approach into the field of human sexuality.
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