Perfecting Your Genital Linguistics: For Vulvas Only

After teaching my workshop named “Maturing Your Genital Dialect©,” there are always plenty of questions that arise when teaching someone about oral sex techniques. The funny thing about people is that most think they are the best there ever was, when in fact, we can always strive to do better. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ve met someone who thought they were the best and it didn’t turn out that way. There’s also no doubt in my mind that you know two or three people who have rocked your world and given you the best orgasms of your life. I bet you’re even reflecting on them now. Since there are plenty of ways to have an orgasm, oral sex is a powerful tool to have in your arsenal. Sometimes it makes people fall in love with you instantly, so make sure you use it wisely. I’ve definitely had to learn that hard lesson!

Communicate With Your Partner First

Communication is necessary because you want to know how to protect yourself if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease/infection (STD/I) or if you have an STD/I, you should definitely communicate this to your partner in order to reduce the risk of infection. Remember, in addition to STD’s you can also pass yeast infections and Bacterial Vaginosis (BV), so if you’re not feeling right about your vaginal health, it’s best to refrain from sexual contact. If there is a need to protect yourself and/or your partner, you can use barriers such as latex gloves (cut the fingers off and then cut up the opposite side of the thumb to form a usable barrier with the thumb acting as a tongue holder) or placing plastic wrap (not the microwaveable kind) in the neat crevices of her vulva and get to it.  If you’ve communicated that you are interested in fluid exchanging (not using barriers), be sure that you take on the personal responsibility that comes with that.

Mouth Positioning is Very Important

First, make sure you use your mouth to find the perfect position to mount her vulva. The clitoris should be your main focus and your lips should be inside of the outer lips. There should always be a slight suction when licking on and around her clitoris. Different women like different things, so be sure that you’re listening to her body. You need to have plenty of moves in your arsenal because the best lover is going to be able to hold an oral sex position from 2-5 minutes and then change to a different oral sex position for the next 2-5 minutes and so on. You want to keep doing this until you find which best 2 or 3 techniques get the best response. Then switch up between these techniques to promise a great orgasm.

Everyone’s Vulva is Unique – Remember That!

Before you go in full force, make sure that you start off slow and work your way up to building up speed. However, if you’re really listening to her body and paying close attention, you might not have to build up speed if you have the perfect techniques to fulfilling her climactic goal (provided that there is one). And remember, since all clitorises differ in shape and size, some techniques may be more useful than others. It’s up to you to figure it out!

Here are a few oral sex techniques to practice with (red dot=clitoris; blue line=tongue’s path; black line=general shape to follow – forgive my art!):

OH BABY!

(perfect for small to medium clitorises)

This technique involves you circling the clitoris in small circles with the tip of your tongue. This is a more concentrated move, so in order for it to feel different, you can change up the speed to see which speed she prefers.

http://velvetlipsllc.com/ebiz/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Oh-Baby.jpg

TO INFINITY & BEYOND!

(perfect for small to medium clitorises)

This move involves you moving in a lop-sided infinity shape in small circles with the tip of your tongue. You can even motion your head to move into the infinity symbol if you choose to have a more dramatic effect. The reason for the lop-sided-ness is because the most nerves are concentrated in the left side of the clitoris, so the big loop allows you to give that side of the clitoris more sensation.

http://velvetlipsllc.com/ebiz/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/To-Infinity-and-Beyond-300x210.jpg

SMOOTH SAILING

(perfect for flat & semi-flat clitorises)

Almost the same as the “OH BABY!” this particular move requires you to use your tongue in a different way. With the top of your tongue (generally, where people get pierced), you are going to move it in large circles around the clitoris. The suction in this move is particularly important because instead of a light suction, you are going to suck with your whole mouth a little bit more than usual. This allows more blood to rush to the clitoris, which leads to heightened sensation.

http://velvetlipsllc.com/ebiz/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Smooth-Sailing.jpg

THE KISSING PULL

(perfect for fat or large clitorises) [no diagram]

This is one of my favorite moves! This move comes in two parts. The first part involves you using a light suction and stroking the clitoris from the top of your tongue to the tip of your tongue and repeating that move for about 3-5 times. Then you pull on the clit slowly using medium suction and pressing your lips against her vulva (like an open-mouthed kiss). This gets the best reaction every time and because the move is dynamic, most women wonder what you’re doing that feels so damn good. Go ahead and try it. I dare you.


So, those are just a few of the moves that I have in my arsenal… What moves are in yours?

SDC

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Marla Stewart
Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!