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Dr. Jess     
Listing a bunch of fun oral sex moves in yesterday's post elicited some requests for detailed explanations.

This post contains sexually explicit content and is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are under 18 and would like reliable information on sexuality, please see

Listing a bunch of fun oral sex moves in yesterday's post elicited some requests for detailed explanations. I describe The Butterfly below and promise to add a few more later in the week. To learn more, please join me at my sex workshops at Desire Resort and Spa.

I want to preface these explanations by stating that there is no perfect recipe for great sex or mind-blowing sex moves. The most effective way to please your partner (or yourself) is to experiment and ask for honest feedback. Our sexual desires, fantasies and tastes are as unique as our fingerprints, so the techniques described below are merely suggestions. I encourage you to add your own personal touch. Vary speed, pressure, movements, lubrication, suction and positions until you find a few (or a whole bunch) of combinations that do it for you.

Here we go...

The Butterfly

This move combines the hand job and the blowjob for tons of wet, fluttery fun.

  1. Put on a flavored condom according to your preferences. Consider putting a dab of lube in the tip for greater sensation and using your lips to sensually roll it down the shaft.
  2. Cover your hands and his penis with lots of lubricant. You can use saliva or your favorite water-based lube, but the former may not be as slippery or long-lasting. Consider applying the lube to his penis using body parts other than your hands. Keep the lube nearby to reapply as necessary.
  3. Link your thumbs with your palms facing toward you to form a butterfly. It should look like the butterfly or eagle you would make with your hands if you were trying to cast a shadow on the wall.
  4. Place the butterfly on the far side of the penis so that the penis is between your hands and your face. It may help to have your partner sit on the edge of the bed/chair/washing machine.
  5. Use your mouth to create suction and move it up and down the shaft of the penis; with your mouth closed over the shaft, wrap your tongue around the penis in circular movements.
  6. When your mouth reaches the coronal ridge/head of the penis, close the butterfly wings over the shaft and flutter your fingers
  7. Vary the movements of your wings to flutter, tickle, stroke and firmly grasp the shaft as you continue to move your mouth and tongue from the base to the tip.
  8. If your jaw becomes tired, take a break from sucking and licking; focus on your butterfly hands (with lots of lube) and alternate the position of your hands so that your palms also face away from your face.
  9. As you enclose the penis within the butterfly wings continue the stroking movement with your hands.
  10. If your jaw is too tired to suck on the shaft, but you want to keep your tongue engaged, try sucking gently on his balls or licking them with a wide tongue.
  11. If this sounds like a lot to think about (thinking about technique and performance pressure can detract from your physical enjoyment), practice on a cucumber or carrot and stick with what feels good for you.

Have fun! And don't think that you have to complete each of these steps in succession. They are merely suggestions to get you started in your own sexual experimentation.

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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