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Couple's Workshop #3: All About Female Pleasure

Dr. Jess     
Going down on a woman can be a wonderful source of pleasure for all parties involved and we can all use a few suggestions to improve our repertoire.

The following post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please access for accurate sex information.

This is the workshop for which I received the most thanks from the female attendees. Going down on a woman can be a wonderful source of pleasure for all parties involved and we can all use a few suggestions to improve our repertoire. I list a few tidbits below and welcome your recommendations and feedback.

General Suggestions:

  1. Communication is of utmost importance for mutual enjoyment. Ask your partner what she likes and welcome her reactions.
  2. A good partner is eager to offer constructive feedback and show appreciation for her partner's efforts.
  3. Safer sex practices for cunnilingus involve the use of barrier methods such as dental dams.
  4. For increased sensation and pleasure, apply water-based lubricant to both sides of the dental dam.

Consider pleasuring and teasing her entire body before proceeding to her vulva.


  1. Gently run your tongue between the grooves of her outer and inner labia.
  2. Alternate your breathing patterns to stimulate her with your warm breath: breathe gently with your mouth wide open; suck in your breath with your lips formed into a tight circle; breath lightly through your teeth to unevenly distribute your breath; stick your tongue out and roll it into a loop to breath through. Be sure to avoid blowing into her vagina if there is any chance she is pregnant.
  3. Keep your hands busy on her thighs, breasts, stomach, perineum or the backs of her knees.

Lip Lock:

  1. Position yourself at her side so that your bodies lay in a "T" position; she should be on her back and you should lay on your stomach with your bodies forming a ninety degree angle to one another.
  2. Use your lips to hold her outer labia together while running your tongue between them. This technique will be facilitated by the positioning described in step #1.
  3. Use your lips to hold her inner labia together while running your tongue between them.
  4. As you run your tongue between her labia, consider licking the glans or hood of the clitoris when you reach the top; ask her if direct stimulation is something she enjoys before proceeding.

The Artist:

  1. Position yourself between her legs or straddle her supine body with your back towards her face.
  2. Use your tongue to paint an elaborate rose over her vulva.
  3. Use a stiff, pointed tongue for detailed strokes and a wide, relaxed tongue for heavier brush strokes

The Hummer/The Buzz:

  1. As you lick, suck, taste and play with her vulva, try to create the sensations of a vibrator over her lips, vaginal opening, pubic mound or clitoral hood by making a buzzing sound or humming.
  2. If you're a bit uncomfortable buzzing or humming, try whispering to her to allow for sound vibrations; try not to be shy because this one is really worth it!

Again, these are just a few thoughts among an infinite number of exciting possibilities. Have fun and practice safer sex!

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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