How To Flirt With Your Lover

Dr. Jess     
When you first meet, the flirting meter flies off the charts, but this sexy courting ritual wanes with time and can easily disappear even in loving relationships.

Flirting is one of the most fundamental human behaviors and each of us is hard-wired to seduce prospective partners with flirtatious gestures and expressions. When you first meet, the flirting meter flies off the charts, but this sexy courting ritual wanes with time and can easily disappear even in loving relationships. This can be catastrophic, as evolutionary psychologists believe that flirting with your own partner is actually a genetic survival tactic. Translation? Flirting leads to more sex!

Here are a few flirting tips to take your prolonged foreplay to new heights:


Brush your hand against your lover’s thigh in non-sexual situations to make the blood rush to their pelvic region and give them a taste of what’s to come later on. This isn’t a commitment to “have sex” when you get home, but just a reminder that your attraction to them is still red-hot.

Be Unpredictable

Surprise your honey with sexy texts, love notes or unannounced lunch dates. Again, sex doesn’t have to be on the table for you to enjoy some intimacy, romance and sexual tension. The power of suggestion can sometimes be as hot as sex itself.

Offer Compliments

This is an easy one! If you’re new to flirting or feel awkward dishing out sexy talk, begin with compliments of an animalistic nature. Tell your lover how much you love their skin, eyes, thighs, arms or any other feature you’re genuinely attracted to as you look them up and down with lust.


Almost anything sounds sexy when you lower your voice. So, the next time you’re eating dinner alone, walk over to your partner’s side and whisper sweet nothings in their ear.

Dress the Part

A three-piece suit or five-inch stilettos may not always be practical, but if you want to turn on the flirt, you need to feel sexy. So make a point of dressing up in outfits, underwear and shoes that make you feel seductive and irresistible. And when your partner goes out of their way to impress you with their attire, be sure to lay on the flattery to show appreciation for the effort.

Be Playful

Flirting doesn’t have to be serious business — it should be fun! Don’t worry about saying everything perfectly and make light of any blunders, awkward moments and mishaps. Laughter and sex actually have a lot in common, as they both are accompanied by a surge in endorphins. And since laughter helps to break the tension, it may just be the relaxant you need to enjoy an evening (or morning) or sexual intimacy.

Say No to Pressure

Flirting may lead to physical sex play, but it doesn’t have to. Anyone who has ever enjoyed a passionate courtship will tell you that the chase can be just as hot as the prize. So enjoy the journey for what it is.

Have fun with these flirting tips, and remember to always practice safer sex!

Dr. Jess

"An award-winning speaker, Jess has worked with thousands of couples from all corners of the globe to transform their relationships via her wildly successful Marriage As A Business program. From Prague and Istanbul to Albuquerque and New York City, her relationship retreats receive rave reviews from some of the most powerful couples in the world who are drawn to her enthusiastic, practical and no-nonsense approach to happily ever after. Jess's doctoral research focused on sexual health and relationship education and she is passionate about accessible, classroom-based education. When she isn't globetrotting for speaking engagements, she volunteers with students, teachers and social service organizations to empower young people to embrace healthy, happy relationships. As a global ambassador for several brands, Jess contributes regularly to the biggest names in international media. You'll find her advice weekly in the likes of Women's Health, Men's Fitness, Cosmopolitan, SELF, Showtime and The Movie Network. Her insights into couple' issues reaches millions of homes across America as the host of the hit reality series Swing, which just capped its fifth season on PlayboyTV. Canadian-born and Chinese-Jamaican and Irish by descent, Dr. Jess loves ultimate frisbee, crab, airplane turbulence, cheese and red wine. Makes perfect sense, right?"
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