Dreaming of a Day Without Hiding: Living One Life Instead of Two or Three Part I

After the interesting responses received in regards to my last blog post, I have decided to take it easy and write about something safe and unlikely to stir any controversy....

So today I think I want to say something about AltSex, drugs, drug laws, and the striving to live authentically. I did think of including rock n' roll among the topics, but inevitably nasty arguments will break out about who is better: Beatles, Stones, Who, or Zeppelin. So let's leave that topic for another day....

Whether it is swinging, BDSM, fetishes, or any number of activities that fall under a larger umbrella of alternative sexual activities (which I will just call AltSex), there is a word that appears and reappears across all of kinkdom: discreet. With the exception of the few who are able to fully embrace their lifestyle publicly (often by making a living in some way from the lifestyle), most of us have something to lose if the activities we enjoy became widely known. Society can still view AltSex as deviant. And I don't mean deviant in a good way. I mean deviant, as in the sense of behavior viewed as sick or criminal.  Progress has been made, but not so much that we would be willing to test out how accepting society has become.  And so many live that "double" life-- the public face and the private face (which is usually one helluva lot more fun than the public one).

Of course the reality is we are not the ones who live a double life, that is the label others would affix to us because they think we are trying to hide shameful secrets. No, we are simply trying to protect ourselves and those we love from being harmed by intolerant idiots who judge but do not understand. They cannot understand how, for example,  I can both be a compassionate, kind, generous, and productive person while at the same time be someone who loves spanking and then fucking the holy shit out of a beautiful woman who is wearing nothing but a pair of leather thigh-high boots and is tied to a bed, while 6 other men await their turn... and everyone is having a great time.  It is contradiction. It is paradox. I have no problem with it.

For a lot of people in society, it makes their tiny heads explode. They may think there is something wrong with you and me.  No, the problem is theirs, and if they wouldn't be so concerned about what other people do that they can't understand, the happiness of the entire world would grow exponentially.

So we must be discreet.

There is another subset of the AltSex world that must in addition deal with another layer, another life, that requires them to be discreet.

I am referring to those, like myself, who choose to use recreational drugs to greater or lesser extents. I have been a member of that group off and on for almost 26 years. And like others I have known,  we hope we can go about our business and avoid detection by society's arm of correction and retribution: the police and justice system. For nearly 26 years I did just that. Recently my luck ran out. 

It has not exactly had the effect I thought it would.  It has emboldened me in a way I did not expect.  For almost 26 years I have watched the police and criminal justice system in America grind up, spit out, and inflict as much if not more  damage and hopelessness on drug users as the drugs themselves. Most of that time I have remained quiet, lest my dark drug secrets be revealed. As I my 50th birthday approaches, I don't want to stay quiet anymore.  And you, whether you use drugs or not, can help be a voice for change that is long overdue.

I will continue my thoughts in Part 2.


07-11-2018 by ATXPHOTOG
Kinky50, thank you for another fine and thought-provoking post. I will only comment on the section of your post that deals with being sexually discreet. I don't have any experience with drug use and discretion in that area.

I'm a single (introverted) male who dates between the "vanilla" (such a pejorative term, but it's what many here understand) single woman and lifestyle women. A few select friends know what I do and they completely accept that it's what I do and I'm comfortable with it. 

I will say that I do not tell my immediate family, co-workers, or people in general what I do because of the risk of misunderstanding, and character judgement. I'm not ashamed in the least about what I do. It's a comfortable arrangement with all the consenting parties. To others, I'm a quiet, artistic, musical, man who goes about his day not disturbing the status quo. 

I'm not a religious man, but consider myself a spiritual person who values all living things, and extend gratitude and kindness to others. With that said, this society is based on Judeo-Christian ethics and traditions which don't allow such "deviant" behavior. That's a huge mindset to overcome. But there seems to be more public discussions of alternative lifestyle which can challenge the ethos of a society. That's a good thing. 

The reality is that we're biologically non-monogamous living beings (there are no monogamous living organisms, actually) who have been taught to believe that the one man, one woman arrangement is sanctioned by God, and there is no other alternative. Of course, that's completely a man-made notion invented in the 12th century (Google it), but I respect those who take that course. To each their own and whatever path they choose. 

Bravo to you for speaking up. Yes, you are absolutely right in that it's okay to speak up. Remaining silent only enables. The greater good is paramount. There are those who will agree with you, and need the courage to speak up if change is going to happen. 

Thank you for an intelligent post.

Be well, 
K50 (lazy at moment), first thing's ma fuggin' first.   Much appreciation for how you jazzed up the blogs with some Zatarain's.  Usually it's the same ole stupid people saying the same ole stupid shit around here, so two snaps and a twist for your thoughts and how you express them.

Been meaning to respond to this when you first put it up but I work stupid hours and just got off another eighteen-hour shift.  As an empathetic nod to parts of your blog... my nightcap is Disney Blue with peach moon rocks and tonight's sidearm is a ghetto fabulous .357 Magnum snubbie that I once carried for about ten hours concealed on my person while in the direct presence and direct one on one supervision of a Los Angeles SWAT officer... who was none the wiser because I'm a sneaky fucker.

Gotta keep it my version of short for the moment because I chase dead presidents in four more hours.  Just another stereotypical stoner slacker over here.

My two shekels as to "striving to live authentically" would be embrace the pain and ire that come your way from living right.  Fuck the noise that comes from the weak.  Nobody owns you but you.   If anyone and I mean... anyone... is of the opinion they can aggress upon your personal freedoms, immediately demonstrate your noncompliance to whatever level is needed to maintain your personal freedoms.

The War on Drugs is a war on people.  It's not about controlling drugs, it's about controlling people and at profit no less.  So cool.  The soldiers of this war literary embrace, practice and hide behind the Nuremberg defense, such a classy bunch.  If you question their actions you are un-American and worthy of investigation at the very least.  I didn't dig it when Nazis in Germany subscribed to such twisted ideology and 'Americans' pulling the same sin in the most advanced third world nation on earth ain't sexy either... but hey, that's just me and I'm just talking.

The FACT all this is paid for by fiat currency taken under a threat of violence to the noncompliant... makes all this 'legitimate' though I guess?

Really makes me wanna vote.  There oughta be a law.  :)

Fucking statists.