I want to try this new place, Legacy Food Hall. It’s supposed to be celebrity chefs getting together to create a super-high-end food court combined with craft beers, expensive wine by the glass and live music. Wife asks if we can get our great friends, Lawyer and SalesGirl, to come with us. They say no, but how about playing at our house at 9 pm. Sounds like a plan. I was going to eat stale pizza and go to bed early on a Friday night, now I am having a chef’s dinner and great sex Lesson #1: Don’t be afraid to try new things!
We go and it’s a huge disappointment. Live band was cancelled, and the prices are high end but that’s about it. The only appealing booth is the pizza one, $11 each for a tiny piece of cardboard with red sauce on it. Kids are running everywhere. Wine is cheap but bad. Lesson #2: when friends tell you they have been already and they are busy with kids and can’t come with you, read between the lines.... stale pizza on the horizon...
We get home, text the friends we are back home, pop a Viagra, light the candles... SalesGirl now doesn’t feel well and they cancel..... Wife was looking forward to fuck Lawyer, she is pissed, so she turns on HGTV... Lesson #3: My first prediction to have stale pizza and go to bed early was amazingly accurate. Worst Friday ever!
Saturday we are invited to a birthday party. It’s super far, but we like the hosts, so we go. We bring a Chick-Fil-A platter of nuggets, everyone loves that. We are excited to see the brand new pool and our friends. Wife complains that we won’t know anyone. I say she can fuck the host again. She was drunk when that happened so she can’t remember if it was good or bad. So she is really not sure about the party Lesson #3: Fuck your wife before the party if you don’t know anyone. She will complain less.
We get there and the pool is unbelievable. We actually know 6-7 couples, 3 of them we have played with several times. Wife feels better, I pop a Viagra. I spot 2 very cute blondes I don’t know. They don’t know it yet, but they are going to have a great time. Lesson #4: nice couples know nice couples, so trust them, you don’t need to see the guest list ahead of time.
Pool is cold. Host doesn’t know how to operate it yet to heat it. I talk to ShortGirl for a long time. I played with her several times and she is funny and great in bed. But it’s too cold to have sex Lesson #5: shrinkage! The show “Friends” taught us that!
It’s 10:30 pm, and Nurse starts kissing me. We played before too, and she is awesome. I really want to talk to the 2 cute blondes, but Nurse is cute too and ready. We go back and play. I give her my best. Lesson #6: one Nurse in hand is better than 2 blondes in the bush!
When we are done, it’s 12:30am. 2/3rds of the guests are gone, including the 2 blondes. I am just going to relax in the hot tub now. Wife goes in to play with ShortGirl’s husband. She is in a good mood: he is going to have a good time Lesson #7: get the cute girls’ phone number as soon as you can, you might never see them again if you disappear for 2 hours. And people start worrying about you.
I can’t hear Wife screaming as usual. Either the house is really well built or ShortGirl’s husband is not doing a good job. I give foot massages to the girls in the hot tub. You can learn a lot doing that about their personality (mainly, are they grateful or not, and are they going to moan when you fuck them) Lesson #8: be nice to girls!
Wife comes back around 2am. ShortGirl’s husband takes 5 tequila shots and passes out. Wow, was it that bad? No, Wife had a great time. She came about 20 times, shouted at the top of her lungs. Lesson #9: new homes are better noise-insulated!
I tell ShortGirl that I want to fuck her now. She says she is not sure but grabs my dick and gets me hard whilst she is making conversation with everyone sitting around the hot tub. Now that she has checked the goods, she says ok. Husband is fast asleep. Lesson #10: don’t be afraid to ask and show the goods!
It’s now 3 am when we come back and I want to go home, but wife is outside getting her pussy eaten by Host. That can be a 3 minutes thing or go on for ever. I gather our stuff. ShortGirl is playing with Wife’s boobs. Orgasm #3 already. I refill my Yeti for the road. O#5. All the nuggets are gone so I eat 2 shrimps. O#8. Host is a good host... it’s 3:30 am. O#12.... Host needs to rehydrate and his fingers are hurting. Time to go. Host’s Wife’s wants me to fuck her but we say next time at our house. We get home by 4:30 am. Lesson #11: Buy more Chick-Fil-A. And instead of watching Wife have 12 orgasms in a row, ask Host’s Wife if she needs anything...