When you enter the lifestyle, there might be some terminology you’re unfamiliar with. This is a list of words and descriptions that you may encounter and are meant to help you navigate swinger relationships, open relationships, polyamory, other forms of consensually non-monogamous relationships, as well as BDSM, kink and fetish scenes.
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420 FRIENDLY A person or couple who enjoys cannabis and/or are open to their sexual and/or emotional partners partaking in cannabis consumption in their presence. See also Cannabis.
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ABRASION Stimulation of the skin causing friction by rubbing, grinding, or using materials like leather, brushes, rough fabrics, etc.
AC/DC Person who enjoys both same-sex and opposite-sex sexual activity; Bi; Bisexual
ADULT Euphemism for 21+ (or 18+ where applicable) and used to indicate sexual or pornographic content
AFTERCARE In BDSM circles, aftercare involves the Dominant caring for the submissive, emotionally and/or physically following a BDSM scene. This is usually done to help ease the intensity of the submissive's experience and soothe them. Aftercare can be different for different people and is usually dependent on the submissive's individual needs and can be of varying durations (from minutes to hours or days afterward). For example, caressing the hair, saying comforting things, wrapping in a blanket, getting the submissive something to eat / drink, cuddling, etc.
AGE PLAY Within the fetish / kink community, age play refers to consensual roleplay that involves the nurturing aspects of a relationship with a significant age difference. This might not necessarily mean that the individuals participating in age play do have a significant age difference. In age play, participants might use names such as "little," "little girl," "little boy," to signify the younger participant; "Daddy," "Mommy," or other terms may be used for the older participant. Age play might include non-sexual activities such as playtime, bedtime, homework, etc.
AIRTIGHT A consensual Group Sex or Gangbang activity wherein a person with a vagina is simultaneously penetrated in their mouth, vagina, and anus
AMERICAN A term used to describe a sexual position that traditionally has the female underneath and the man on top; also known as missionary position
ANAL Refers to anal sex or anal play; play where the anus may be rimmed and/or penetrated with fingers, penis, or sex toys.
ANAL BEADS A set of beads, usually made of body-safe plastic, silicone, metal, glass, or other materials, which can be of varying sizes, and are strung together and used to insert into the anus for anal pleasure
ANAL PLUG A sex toy shaped for use in the anus; also used for "ass training" to stretch out the anus; a.k.a., butt plug or just "plug." In anal training, people often begin with smaller anal plugs and gradually increase the size of the plug as their comfort level increases and their body acclimates to the new toy. Importantly, anal plugs have a flared base that prevents the toy from getting lost within the anal cavity and ensures safe removal. Decorative anal plugs can have a jewel or tail at the base.
ANAL TORTURE BDSM practice of inflicting pain on a person's anus in a way that may give them sexual pleasure
ANAL TRAINING When a person uses toys and devices to prepare their anus for anal penetration. This usually consists of using devices of increasing thicknesses and girths (such as butt plugs) to "stretch" the anal cavity and make it easier for another person or device to penetrate them. Anal training should be done with caution and with the proper toys and devices to prevent pain and damage to the sensitive tissues within the anus.
ANILINGUS Refers to the use of a person's mouth to orally stimulate another person's anus by kissing, licking, sucking, or rimming for the purpose of sexual pleasure
ARTS Within the kink community, this can be used as a euphemism for fetishes
ASEXUAL Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or a low interest in sexual activity (if any). Some people may consider asexuality to be their sexual orientation, while others describe asexuality as an absence of sexual orientation. Asexuality can mean different things to different people. Asexual individuals are fully capable of creating and maintaining healthy romantic relationships with others. "Asexual" is one of the As in the full LGBTQIAA+ acronym.
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BALL STRETCHING An activity that can be done during BDSM play which involves the Dominant using constraints and weights to provide a variety of sensations while stretching their submissive's scrotum
BAREBACKING A sexual act referring to a person with a penis penetrating someone's vagina or anus without the use of a condom, hence, "bare"
BBW Often a term or genre referred to in pornography or erotica, Big Beautiful Woman means a female who is confidently voluptuous
BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. This encompasses the themes of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. This can involve the psychological as well as the physical aspects of BDSM, and can be softcore to hardcore. BDSM is always done CONSENSUALLY. This means that the submissive gives permission to their Dominant to do these activities to them, and both partners are aware of the boundaries and agree to them before play. Refers to the "B" and "D" within the term BDSM: "Bondage" and "Discipline." Within BDSM, participants, usually a "Dominant" and a "submissive," might use a variety of sexual and non-sexual activities such as bondage and discipline to stimulate arousal. In bondage scenarios within BDSM, a Dominant might tie up or otherwise restrain a submissive's body parts as a form of control, and may then perform other acts on the submissive while they are restrained. The bondage may also be an end to itself, such as in the case of Shibari art, for the submissive's pleasure of being bound.
BI-CURIOUS Typically refers to a heterosexual person who has an interest or "curiosity" to explore sexual activities with someone of the same gender. Within the open lifestyle, people who are "situationally bisexual," meaning that given a certain scenario or person, they may be interested in playing with someone of the same gender and this can also fall into this bi-curious category.
BISEXUAL Bisexual, bi; a person with physical and/or emotional attraction to their own and other genders
BJ Also known as Fellatio, a BJ / Blow Job means oral sex performed on a person with a penis, but it can also be used to describe oral sex done on someone wearing a strap-on dildo
BLACK SHEET PARTY A slang term used for an orgy involving people who are into BDSM
BONDAGE Bondage is known as restrictive play and involves tying or strapping a submissive with rope, cuffs, etc., in a manner that prevents them from moving. This can be done with the intention of performing sexual acts on the submissive, but sometimes bondage can be an end in itself (because the submissive enjoys being bound) or as an art form (e.g., Shibari bondage).
BOOT WORSHIP Within the BDSM / Kink community, boot worship is known as a Fetish revolving around the Dominant's boots or footwear, in which the submissive might kiss, lick, caress, or otherwise idolize their Dominant's boots to show reverence, devotion, or humility; may also be used as a Disciplinary tactic on behalf of the Dominant who commands that their submissive worship their boots as a form of humiliation.
BOTTOM Within the BDSM lifestyle, a bottom is a submissive individual (alternatively called a submissive or slave) who consensually gives the decision-making power to a Dominant (AKA Top, Master, Mistress) to provide them with physical, sexual, and/or emotional pleasure and/or gratification, which may or may not involve humiliation and/or degradation. See also Submissive, BDSM, and RISK.
BRAT Within BDSM submissive / Dominant relationships, the submissive may be a Brat, which means that they are defiant in obeying their Dominant with the goal of receiving punishment / discipline and attention from their Dom. For instance, a Brat might say things like, "make me." Brat relationships within Dom / sub scenarios can be playful and fun when both parties consent to the dynamic.
BREATH PLAY a.k.a., Erotic Asphyxiation, Breath Play is an activity where a person experiences temporary euphoria due to oxygen deprivation and lack of blood flow to their brain. This can be done within the context of BDSM or kink play, but may also be used outside of those scenarios. Typically, the Dominant, or the person who is asphyxiating the breathless individual or submissive, will carefully cover the person's mouth and nose and suffocate them, or choke them by applying pressure to the carotid artery in their neck. Because asphyxiation is inherently dangerous, breath play is done with the utmost caution and requires understanding the limits of a person's physical and psychological well-being to ensure that it is done safely.
Breath play can also be practiced solo, without a partner, and this is termed "autoerotic asphyxiation."
BUKKAKE Bukkake is the Japanese word for splash. In a sexual context, bukkake refers to the act of multiple men ejaculating on one person's body at the same time, typically in the context of Group Sex or Gangbang scenarios. See also Gokkun.
BULL A term used primarily in Hotwifing scenarios to refer to a man / male-identified person who takes sexual "ownership" over another man's female partner (referred to as the Hotwife or Vixen) at the male partner's invitation. The term Bull implies an animalistic, aggressive, and dominant disposition that is key to the type of hotwifing dynamic / scenario sought by the hotwifing couple. See also Hotwifing.
BUTT PLUG a.k.a., Anal plug, a butt plug is a type of sex toy that is inserted in a person's anus, often for the purposes of sexual stimulation and/or gratification. In some cases, butt plugs may be used decoratively and may have a jewel, tail, or other decorative elements to entice their partner(s). Butt plugs are helpful to use when a person is undergoing anal training and preparing their anus to be penetrated with objects and/or other body parts (such as fingers, phalluses, etc.). See also Anal Training and Sex Toys.
CAN ENTERTAIN Used within the context of party or event descriptions, "Can Entertain" refers to a person, couple, or people open to hosting others in their home for the purpose of sexual activities
CAN TRAVEL Person, couple, or people who are able and willing to travel a distance to meet others for sexual activities
CANING Within the context of BDSM, caning is a fetish used in Impact Play that involves the Dominant spanking, hitting, or tapping a submissive's body parts. Caning is usually used for discipline purposes but can also be done as a warm-up to more intense impact play using other implements.
CANNABIS Also commonly known as marijuana, among other names, cannabis is a drug from the Cannabis plant that is primarily used for medical and/or recreational purposes. Cannabis has various mental and physical effects, depending on the type of strain used, the quantity, and the delivery method (e.g., ingesting, smoking, vaporizing, using an extract, etc.), among other factors. The main psychoactive component of cannabis is Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), along with dozens of other cannabinoids, including cannabidiol (CBD).
Within the realm of sexual health, cannabis and cannabis products may be used in ways that enhance the sexual and/or spiritual experience and may have various benefits, such as increasing vasodilation, enhancing sensations, alleviating anxiety, and helping in relaxation, alleviating sexual pain, and other potential benefits.
Individuals seeking to use cannabis before playing with others sexually should take caution as well as inform their partners of their cannabis use. It is also important to note that if a person is intoxicated with cannabis, as with alcohol or any other intoxicants, they may not be able to consent to sexual activities. See also 420 Friendly.
CASUAL SEX Sexual play or sexual activities with one or more other people that infers that no social and/or emotional involvement is desired and/or will be pursued after such activities conclude. See also Fuck Friend and Friend with Benefits.
CHEATING Refers to when an individual in a relationship transgresses by breaking a previously agreed-upon boundary between them and the other individual(s) in the relationship. Cheating is often thought of as being sexual in nature, but emotional cheating can also occur in relationships. Cheating is not limited to monogamous relationships and can also happen within open relationships; in these cases, a person may violate a boundary of their open relationship, such as dating or having sex with someone who is off-limits, becoming emotionally involved with a person when only sexual relationships were permitted within the primary relationship, and so forth. Cheating is deceptive and can have damaging effects for everyone involved in a relationship on emotional, psychological, and/or sexual levels. If a person has agreed to be in a relationship with certain boundaries, it is advisable to communicate with their partner about potentially negotiating new boundaries to which everyone in the relationship consents, which may then allow that person to fulfill the emotional and/or sexual needs with another person.
CIS / CISGENDER A term used to describe when a person's gender matches / aligns with the gender with which they were assigned at birth. For example, someone who was assigned a female when they were born (i.e., by a medical practitioner on their birth certificate) continues to feel like and identify as a female as they grow up, is considered cisgender. Gender is a fluid concept and can change over time.
CLOSED DOOR / CLOSED SWINGING Within the context of Swinging or Open relationships, "closed" often refers to open Couples who feel comfortable engaging in separate sexual activities in different rooms or locations from their primary partners
CLOSET SWINGER Person hiding the fact that they are a Swinger. This can be the case for people who are high-profile or whose professional reputation, culture, religion, or social group do not permit them to be open about their lifestyle.
COCK RING A sex toy in an O shape or ring shape designed to wrap around the base of a person's penis and/or balls, which is used to increase and/or concentrate blood flow during self-stimulation and sex, potentially leading to longer-lasting erections. Some cock rings may also feature a shape that simultaneously stimulates the perineum and/or the anus for added pleasure. Some cock rings also have an attachment, for instance, "rabbit ears" designed to provide extra stimulation to their partner's clitoris during sex. Vibrating cock rings and remote-controlled cock rings can be helpful tools for couples to increase intimacy in their sex lives. Note: cock rings must be put on while the wearer's penis is not erect.
COCK WORSHIP When a person spends a lot of time and attention stimulating someone's penis or dildo to give them pleasure and show devotion. This often involves oral sex and/or manual stimulation, and may be included as part of BDSM play by the submissive on their Dominant.
COLLAR Within the BDSM community, a submissive may wear a collar or necklace around their neck to signify that they are "owned" by, dedicated to, or under the control of a Dominant. In BDSM, collaring a submissive can be very ceremonial and significant.
COMPERSION Within Open relationships, especially Polyamory, compersion is the opposite of jealousy and refers to a person's emotional satisfaction of knowing and/or seeing the joy that their partner experiences with other people romantically, platonically, and/or sexually. Compersion is not necessary for open relationships to work. A person might experience feelings of compersion for their partner in some scenarios and with some partners, but may experience jealousy at other times.
CONSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY Relationships and/or intimacy with more than one partner. Consensual or Ethical Non-Monogamy means that all the partners involved are aware that their relationships are not exclusive, and there are other partners involved. Includes Polyamory and Swingers. This is not the same as Cheating, in which one partner is not aware of their partner's activities.
CONSENT Explicit permission for something to happen that is freely given by a person to another person / people. Consent can be temporary and a person can revoke it at any time for any reason without the need to give any explanation for their decision. For instance, Person A can give Person B consent to kiss them on one occasion, but on another occasion Person A may tell Person B they do not want them to kiss them. Consent is required in all sexual scenarios and MUST be established prior to AND during any engagement in physical / sexual activities. There is no such thing as "non-consensual sex;" there is only consensual sex, and everything else that is done non-consensually is considered sexual assault. A person cannot consent to something if they are unable to say no to something, such as if they are underage, have an intellectual disability, are physically disabled, intoxicated, unconscious, or fearful for their lives / well-being, or that of others.
COUGAR A colloquial term used for an older woman who typically enjoys "prowling" for younger play partners (who are still of legal age and thus can Consent to the relationship)
COUPLE / CPL A couple is defined as two people who are in a sexual and/or romantic relationship. This includes couples who are dating, married, cohabiting, or who commonly play together in certain scenarios (e.g., two single individuals). Being a couple does not necessitate a monogamous relationship; couples can also be Open and in some form of Consensually Non-Monogamous relationship which may involve other partners.
Within Open relationships (Consensually Non-Monogamous relationships such as Swinging and Polyamory), "couple privilege" or "couples privilege" refers to the advantage that an established couple already has before they add another person or people to their sex life and/or relationship. Couple privilege is not a negative phenomenon in and of itself, but it may reinforce a hierarchy that already exists within the relationship and have negative effects on their new partner(s) and the new relationship(s). In open relationships, to ensure equality for all involved, it is important that the already-established couple acknowledges that this privilege exists and does not take it for granted or dismiss their advantage.
An example of couple privilege in swinging is when a couple has been together for many years before deciding to open their relationship to have a Threesome with a new sex partner; but once finding this new playmate, the couple treats them as a toy or tool with which to fulfill the couple's fantasies, rather than acknowledging the needs and desires of their new playmate. In polyamory, couple privilege can be even more pronounced than in swinging relationships.
An example of couple privilege at work in polyamorous contexts is when an established couple forms a relationship with a new person to form a Triad; however, because the couple has been living together for many years, they set rules and boundaries on their relationship and / or residence and their new partner's access / rights to them. In the worst of cases, established couples give their new partners a list of rules in a "take-it-or-leave-it" way that completely deprioritizes their new partner's needs, desires, and own boundaries.
CUCKOLD Cuckolding is the practice of a couple in which the male partner wants to watch his partner have sexual relations with another individual (or several individuals) without his direct sexual involvement. In this case, the male cuckold acts as a Voyeur and is often (but not always) present to witness his partner engaging in sexual acts with the third person (or more people). Often (but not always), the cuckold takes on a submissive role and may also want his partner to humiliate him verbally (and/or physically) during this time with the third partner present (e.g., "He's more of a man than you are," etc.). This is done with the male's Consent (not the same as a man witnessing his wife Cheating without his consent). The female version of this is called "Cuckqueaning" or "Cuckqueanry," in which the female plays the role of the submissive who is witnessing their partner engaging in these acts with another person (or several people).
CUCKOLDRESS A woman who cuckolds her husband/boyfriend; an adulterous woman who cuckolds her male partner. See also Cuckold.
CUCKQUEAN The female version of cuckold. Within cuckqueaning scenarios, the cuckquean is the female / female-identified individual who consensually watches their (typically) male partner have sex with others and is sexually aroused by this act. See Cuckold for more.
CUFFS Often used within BDSM scenarios, cuffs fasten and/or lock around a submissive's wrists and/or ankles to restrict their movement. Cuffs can be attached to tables, beds, poles, etc., or to themselves. In a hogtie, a person's ankles and wrists are bound together behind their back.
CUM A commonly-used slang term for a person's ejaculate or sexual fluids. Cumming may refer to either or both the action of climaxing as well as ejaculating. Fluid Play can often involve cum.
CUM SLUT A slang term used to signify an individual who enjoys cum / ejaculate / sperm / semen and may derive sexual satisfaction through receiving these fluids in their mouth and/or other orifices, as well as on their body parts. In some cases, others may refer to someone as a cum slut in a derogatory way, although enjoying any consensual sexual practice is nothing to be ashamed of.
CUNNILINGUS Oral Sex performed on a person with a vagina to stimulate their vulva and/or clitoris. Oral sex may include penetration with a person's tongue and/or fingers and/or Sex Toys to increase pleasure. Often known as a form of Foreplay prior to penetrative sex, cunnilingus can help increase a person's sexual arousal to make it more likely for them to have an Orgasm during penetrative sex. Cunnilingus can (and should) be performed as an end to itself for the receiver's sexual pleasure.
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DEMISEXUAL A term used to describe people who are only sexually attracted to someone if they have an emotional bond with that person. Anyone of any gender identity or sexual orientation can be demisexual.
It might be difficult for a demisexual person to feel fulfilled within the Swinging lifestyle because their need for emotional intimacy is often discouraged within the swinging community, which usually focuses mostly on the physically sexual aspects of relationships rather than emotional connections.
DILDO A Sex Toy that may resemble a phallus made out of silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or glass that can be used for sexual stimulation, often for the purposes of penetration. Some dildos vibrate. Dildos can be shaped to stimulate the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the G-spot, and/or the anus. A double-ended dildo can be used to achieve dual stimulation to penetrate two individuals simultaneously. A strap-on dildo can be worn with a harness by someone with or without a penis for the purpose of penetrating another person.
DISCIPLINARIAN An authority role played by a Dominant or Top in a BDSM scene, a Disciplinarian employs discipline as a preferred form of domination on their submissive / bottom. See also Discipline, BDSM, Dominant, and Top.
DISCIPLINE Also known as "behavior correction" or a form of "obedience training" within the BDSM community, "Discipline" is when the Dominant / Top consensually employs the use of Bondage, Impact Play, and/or psychological pain / domination on their submissive / bottom, with the goal of making their bottom obey them. The Dominant and/or submissive often derive sexual arousal and/or gratification from these practices. See also RACK and BDSM.
DISCREET / DISCRETION Refers to an individual who is exercising and seeking caution when it comes to communication and shared media to keep their lifestyle secret, often because they do not want their activities known by others. Anyone might seek discretion, but this might be more common in the contexts of Kink and/or Open communities.
DOCILE Within the Kink community, docile refers to a submissive individual who is willing to receive Bondage and/or discipline from a Dominant.
DOMESTIC TRAINING Within the context of BDSM, domestic training is a form of submissive obedience, whereby the Dominant consensually makes their submissive (bottom) do household chores with the goal of training their bottom to obey them and serve them. These chores are often coupled with the Dominant using humiliating and sadistic physical and/or psychological "torture" or "abuse" to train their submissive. See also BDSM, Dominant, Submissive, and Discipline.
DOMINANT Dominance can be physical and/or psychological. This is done by the Dominant (a.k.a., Dom or Master or Top) to the submissive (a.k.a., sub or slave or bottom). It can involve everything from verbal commands (e.g., "you're mine") to physical commands ("get on your knees"). Dominance and submission (also called D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic episode or lifestyle. It is a subset of BDSM. Physical contact is not necessary, and D/s can also be conducted anonymously over the telephone, email, or other messaging systems. See BDSM for more details.
DOUBLE ANAL PENETRATION / DAP Refers to a sexual activity in which a person is consensually anally penetrated by two (i.e., double) phalluses or phallic objects / devices simultaneously, such as within the context of a Threesome or Group Sex
DOUBLE VAGINAL PENETRATION / DVP Refers to a sexual activity in which a person is vaginally penetrated by two (i.e., double) phalluses or phallic objects / devices simultaneously, such as within the context of a Threesome or Group sex
DP Double Penetration means that both the vagina and anus are penetrated during sexual play. DVP refers to Double Vaginal Penetration, which means that two phalluses are penetrating the vagina simultaneously, while DAP (a.k.a., Double Anal Penetration) refers to two phalluses penetrating the anus at the same time. In an Airtight, double penetration is involved as well as simultaneous oral penetration and often happens in Group Sex or Orgy scenarios.
DRAG QUEEN / DRAG KING A Drag Queen is typically a male-presenting person who dresses head-to-toe in a hyper-femme aesthetic. When dressed for entertainment purposes, a Drag Queen also assumes their character's identity during their act. A Drag King is a typically female-presenting person assuming a masculine aesthetic.
DUNGEON A room or area with BDSM equipment and/or play space
DUNGEON MASTER Within the BDSM community and Kink play, a Dungeon Master (a.k.a., a DM) is a supervisor who enforces house rules at a play Party House or Dungeon to ensure that Consent and safety are respected
EDGE PLAY (AKA EDGEPLAY) Within the BDSM lifestyle, Edge Play (also known as Edgeplay) refers to SM (sadistic/masochistic) play that involves the possibility of physical and/or emotional harm and/or danger and/or death. This is a high-risk type of play and falls under Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) that requires consent, knowledge of the physical / psychological boundaries of those involved, and the possible risks and consequences of the specific edgeplay. Examples of edge play include Breath Play (AKA breathplay, which is erotic asphyxiation), knife play, fire play, wax play, and blood play, among other types of risky activities. Safety measures (physical as well as psychological) are crucial to consider for all kinds of high-risk play. Because of the emotional and physical intensity of edge play, Aftercare is absolutely recommended (as it is also needed after any kind of BDSM play) to ensure the physical and psychological well-being of anyone involved in the scene.
Edgeplay is not to be confused with edging, which involves denying and/or delaying orgasm for the purpose of building up sexual pleasure as well as a possible means of control.
EDGING A sexual technique involving denying and delaying someone of their orgasm; bringing a person close to climax but not allowing them to orgasm. Edging can often lead to a buildup of pleasure and intensify the person's resulting climax if an orgasm does arise afterward. Edging is more commonly used in BDSM scenarios as a means of controlling a submissive's pleasure but can also be used in any sexual situation. Not to be confused with Edge Play.
ELECTRIC PLAY Also known as Electrosex or "erotic electrostimulation," electric play involves the exploration of the stimulating effects of applying electric pulses (e.g., using a Violet Wand, which safely transforms an electrical current into a stream of sparks that can stimulate the skin) to a person's body parts for the purposes of excitement and/or sexual gratification. Electric play is a Kink that can be explored within the BDSM community as a technique used by Dominants on their submissives to control their pleasure. This kind of kink requires knowing and understanding the limits of a person's safe physical and psychological thresholds of the voltage of the electrical currents and the areas of the body on which electric play can be safely used. Contrary to popular belief, electric play can be quite stimulating and pleasurable when done properly and safely.
ELLIS Ellis is a code for L.S., a.k.a., Lifestyle, referring to the Open and/or Swinger lifestyle. The question “Are you a friend of Ellis?” can help discreetly identify those in the lifestyle without compromising confidentiality and maintaining secrecy / Discretion.
ENTERTAIN Most commonly referred to in dating profiles where it is mentioned as "Can Entertain," which refers to when a person, Couple, or Group is open to hosting others in their home (Party House) for erotic and/or sexual activities
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION a.k.a., ED. When a person with a penis is unable to achieve an erection. This could be due to physiological (e.g., prostate issues, inflammation, the side effect of medication, hormone therapy, etc.) and/or psychological reasons (e.g., anxiety, depression, nervousness, etc.). Oral medications and topical treatments may be very helpful in treating erectile dysfunction in people with penises. Erectile dysfunction is more common than you might expect. If you are experiencing erectile dysfunction, know that there is no shame in having ED! Consult a medical professional as soon as possible for treatment options and to ensure that the erectile dysfunction is not a result of a more serious underlying condition.
EXHIBITIONISM A Fetish that describes when a person (Exhibitionist) derives erotic enjoyment and sexual arousal by being watched and being on display while nude and/or during sexual activity. While exhibitionists may be best known to enjoy in-person viewing of their sexual escapades, exhibitionism can also include sharing erotic and explicit photos and videos online. See also Voyeur.
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F A letter used to designate Female, often seen in dating profiles and erotic event descriptions involving the guests who are allowed to attend
FACE SLAPPING A consensual activity that involves a person slapping another person in the face before and/or during sexual activity. This kink can be seen in BDSM scenarios wherein face slapping is used for humiliation, degradation, and/or control of a submissive by their Dominant.
FELCHING A sexual activity that involves the act of orally sucking semen out of a person's anus. This form of Fluid Play may or may not be coupled with Snowballing, in which the person then spits or shares the semen with the person whose anus out of which they just sucked the semen.
FELLATIO Oral sexual stimulation of a person's penis by mouth, tongue, lips, and/or teeth. More colloquially known as a BJ or Blow Job.
FETISH In Kink terms, fetishes exist when a person is sexually aroused by a non-sexual object, piece of clothing, actions, and/or non-genital anatomy. For instance, Foot Fetishes, which are one of the most common types of fetishes, involves a person being aroused by hearing about, seeing, smelling, and/or touching a person's foot or feet.
Fetishes can be explored safely and are not harmful to a person's mental health in and of itself, and are nothing to be ashamed of. In the rare case that a fetish is illicit or dangerous to a person's physical well-being and/or preoccupies a person's life in a way that can impede their relationships, personal lives, and/or professional lives, seeking help and advice of a kink-friendly mental health professional is advised.
FIGGING A sexual practice in which a piece of peeled ginger root is inserted into the anus or vagina, which can create a burning sensation. This is included within the BDSM umbrella as a type of Sensation Play.
FISTING A sexual activity in which a person uses their entire hand to stimulate a person's vagina and/or anus from the inside. When done properly and with the right preparation, fisting can be extremely pleasurable and stimulate a person's erogenous areas that are often hard to reach and stimulate via conventional toys and penetration.
Fisting can be a very intense experience for the receiver, who requires mental and physical preparation prior to getting fisted, ensuring the person getting fisted is well lubricated and relaxed. Communication between the receiver and giver is absolutely necessary to ensure a pleasurable and safe time for everyone involved.
Fisting can be dangerous and painful if not performed correctly (e.g., scratched by a person's nails from the inside). For safer fisting play, wearing latex or nitrile gloves is recommended to prevent scratches, abrasions, and the transmission of some sexually-transmitted infections and/or diseases.
FLAGELLATION Refers to flogging, whipping, or spanking activities that may or may not provide sexual stimulation to the receiver. Flagellation can be used in BDSM scenarios, during which the submissive is flagellated by their Dominant as a means of Discipline.
Self-flagellation refers to the practice of doing this to oneself without the assistance of another person.
FLOGGER A BDSM tool / sex toy that is used in impact play scenarios, used by a Dominant / Top to flog / whip different areas of their submissive's / bottom's back, buttocks, thighs, genitals, and/or other body parts. Floggers typically are made with animal hides such as leather or vegan-friendly materials, which may include plastics, and have tails that deliver a stinging pain on the receiver when being flogged, which can be quite pleasurable. Using floggers or any other kinds of BDSM or impact play implements must be done with extreme caution and care within the guidelines of RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) practices because flogging someone improperly can cause harm to the receiver (emotional, psychological, and/or physical harm).
FOREPLAY Generally refers to sexual activities that are performed before ("fore") traditional penetrative sex ("play"), which can include kissing / making out, erotic / sensual massage, mutual masturbation, manual stimulation (fingering and/or hand jobs, for instance), oral sex, rimming, using sex toys, et cetera.
It is important to note that these foreplay activities can be an end to themselves without requiring any penetrative sex whatsoever as a sequel. Oral sex, for instance, can be just as pleasurable as a sexual act that is not just a prelude to penetrative sex.
One of the reasons that the importance of foreplay is often highlighted when it comes to sexual pleasure is because most people, especially those with vulvas, most often can NOT achieve orgasm solely via penetrative sex and require extra stimulation prior to penetration, if any, in order to increase the possibility of an eventual climax.
FRIEND WITH BENEFITS / FWB A term used to describe a person with whom someone has a predominantly sexual relationship, often without a social and/or emotional involvement. See also Fuck Friend and Casual Sex.
FULL SWAP Within the Open lifestyle and Swinging community, the term "full swap" is typically used in reference to when two Couples exchange partners for the purpose of (typically penetrative) sexual activity
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GAG A device / sex toy that is inserted in a person's mouth to prevent them from talking / to muffle their voice and is often used in BDSM scenarios on submissive play partners
GANGBANG A gangbang can happen when several people engage in sexual activity with one specific individual, who is the center of attention, either sequentially or at the same time. See also Airtight and Bukkake.
GATES OF HELL A type of cock ring used in the BDSM community to restrict blood flow to the penis and provide pleasurable pain. This is usually made out of metal with several rings attached together, ranging from larger at the base to smaller toward the tip of the penis.
GAY A person with physical and/or emotional attraction to their own gender. The term Gay is typically used to indicate two males; a.k.a., homosexual, while the term Lesbian is used to indicate two females. However, Gay can be used to identify the sexuality of anyone of any gender who is attracted to someone of the same gender. See also Bi-Curious, Bisexual, and Heteroflexible.
GENITORTURE Form of BSDM play where pain is inflicted to a person's genitals for the purposes of sexual stimulation and/or sexual gratification. The receiver of genitorture is often submissive, and the Dominant may use genitorture as a Disciplinary tool and/or to deliver pleasurable pain to their submissive.
GOKKUN A Japanese term meaning "gulp," which is used to describe a sexual activity involving the consumption of semen from one or more partners, often from a serving vessel; generally performed at the end of Bukkake
GROUP ROOM Room dedicated to Group Sex, which is usually furnished with mattresses or mats. Group rooms are common at events within the Open / Swinger lifestyle.
GROUP SEX Group sex usually involves four or more people, even if not everyone is sexually involved with each of the partners
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HALL PASS A slang term that describes the act of when a person (typically who is in a closed monogamous relationship or monogamish relationship) "allows" their partner to have sex with another person outside of their relationship. A hall pass is usually thought of as a one-time occurrence. A hall pass can be relevant to a specific person (e.g., "if you ever meet Brad Pitt, you can have sex with him") or a time period (e.g., "you can have sex with anyone you want to this weekend while I'm out of town"). The idea of a hall pass is so attractive for people in monogamous relationships that various movies have been based on this concept and/or made reference to wanting / having a hall pass.
HANDLER Within the BDSM community, a Handler is a person with a Dominant role in a Pet Play dynamic, who assumes full responsibility for their submissive or bottom, who is known as the Handler's pet in these contexts. See also Dominant, Top, Pet Play, and BDSM.
HARD LIMIT A non-negotiable sexual act that someone will not do
HARDCORE A Swingers party or gathering where sexual interaction is expected
HEAD Oral-genital sexual stimulation of a male penis. See also BJ and Fellatio.
HETEROFLEXIBLE Usually refers to a person who is heterosexual but, in given scenarios or with certain people, may entertain the idea of sexual play with someone of the same gender. See also Bi-Curious, Bisexual, and Gay.
HETEROSEXUAL A person who is attracted to the opposite (or different) gender. See also Pansexual.
HOGTIE A method of tying up someone's wrists and ankles with ropes or cuffs, in such a way that their ankles are bound together, and their wrists are bound together, with a ring or rope that then binds the wrists and ankles together behind their back. Binding someone in a hogtie position immobilizes the bound person. Within the BDSM community, this is a popular way for a Dominant to restrain a submissive.
HOMOSEXUAL A term used for a person who is attracted to members of the same gender. See also Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Curious, Bisexual, and Pansexual.
HORNY A colloquial term used for a sexually aroused person
HOT HUSBANDRY Hot Husbandry is the male-gendered version of hotwifing, whereby a man's partner reaps sexual arousal and enjoyment from consensually knowing about / watching their partner / husband have sex with someone else. Despite the terminology, Hot Husbandry does not actually require that the partners be married; it is enough to be in a relationship. See also Hotwifing.
HOTWIFE A woman / female-identified person who has a hotwifing dynamic with her (typically male) partner. A woman does not actually have to be married to be a hotwife. See Hotwifing and Vixen for more.
HOTWIFING Known as both a Roleplay Fetish and Open relationship style, Hotwifing refers to when a woman (Hotwife) has sex with people outside of their relationship with the full Consent, permission, and encouragement from her partner. Hot Husbandry has the same dynamics as hotwifing, though the partner is male or male-presenting. In hotwifing relationships, the hotwife's partner derives erotic enjoyment from hearing about and/or watching their female partner having sex with someone else, including the preparation for the play sessions (getting dressed, planning locations, settings, etc.), choosing their hotwife's play partner (Bull), communications with their hotwife's play partner, and so forth. In hotwifing, the partner is often not present during / involved in the sexual scenarios but thrives on the details of their hotwife's encounter, either after the sex session or even during, via phone calls / videos / photos.
Contrary to popular belief, a hotwife does not have to be married as a prerequisite to engaging in hotwifing; people who are dating each other can also partake in hotwifing. Hotwifing is not the same as cuckolding; while these two roleplay fetishes are similar in the way that they involve the female partner having sex with another person with the consent of their partner, in cuckolding scenarios, the partner is often less involved in the preparation for their female partner's play sessions, are typically present during the sex (while they may not be an active participant), and may also take pleasure in being humiliated by their partner and their lover. See also Cuckolding.
HUNG A slang term that often refers to when a person has a large penis
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ICE PLAY This type of Sensation Play is when someone uses ice cubes (or other frozen items like ice pops, a glass toy that was put in the freezer, etc.) on a person's body, such as their genital areas, nipples, and other erogenous zones. Like other types of sensation play used to stimulate a person's body for the goal of sexual arousal and heightened excitement, ice play can also be used as a way to torment, torture, and/or Discipline a submissive within the realm of BDSM scenarios.
IMMOBILIZATION Any form of bondage or restraints that renders a person unable to move, hence, immobilized. This can be implemented within the BDSM community as a way for a Dominant to control and/or Discipline their submissive, as an end to itself and/or prior to further play leading to sexual arousal.
IMPACT PLAY A term used within the BDSM community to refer to when a Dominant uses whips, crops, paddles, floggers, and/or other implements on a submissive's body parts in order to Discipline, stimulate, and/or subdue them
IRL An acronym that means "In Real Life," often used in dating profiles, on social media and/or in virtual forums
ISO An acronym that means "In Search Of," which is often used in dating profiles to indicate what a person / couple is looking for in a playmate or partner
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KINK A term referring to sexual practices that fall outside of cultural "norms"; includes BDSM, Sensory Play, and other "unconventional" or "taboo" activities. A Kink is distinct from a Fetish in that kinks are optional explorations for an individual to experience arousal. In contrast, someone with a particular fetish has an involuntary sexual arousal response to the given subject or activity (e.g., Foot Fetish, Latex, Leather, Hotwifing, Exhibitionism, etc.). For example, someone with a Foot Fetish might get aroused just by seeing someone's bare feet; whereas, someone who has a kink for bondage might not get aroused by the mere sight of rope. Someone engaging in kinky sex might try Roleplay or Bondage, for example, and they can return to "vanilla" sex and still enjoy the experience. In some cases, the Fetish object or activity becomes paramount to the person in order to achieve sexual arousal, as in, they cannot experience arousal in absence of the object or activity they have fetishized. Fetishes and kinks are both normal; If an individual's kinks and/or fetishes begin to interfere with relationships, work, and/or their or others' physical health, then it is recommended that the individual seek assistance from a mental health practitioner.
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LEATHER A material usually made by tanning animal rawhide and skins that are both durable and flexible. Vegan leather is made with polyurethane rather than animal hides. In a sexual and Kink context, leather can be a Fetish in which a person is sexually aroused by touching, wearing, smelling, and/or seeing leather, leather implements (such as a leather flogger, leather paddle, etc.), and/or leather garments.
LEATHER DADDY / DOM / MOMMY / DOMME Within the context of the BDSM community, the terms Leather Daddy or Leather Mommy refer to a person of leadership and influence within the leather community. Typically, Leather Daddies and Leather Mommies take on the Dominant roles and responsibilities of Tops and/or Dom(me)s within the relationship dynamics known as Daddy/boy and Mommy/girl. This is not to be confused with Age Play, although it is possible that Leather Dom/sub relationships may also include elements of Age Play. See also BDSM, Age Play.
LESBIAN Typically refers to a female-identifying individual who is physically and emotionally attracted to her/their own gender. See also Gay, Bi-curious, Bisexual, Heteroflexible, and Pansexual.
LGBTQIA+ The umbrella acronym that is used to signify the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and/or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual and/or Ally community. However, there are variations of this; for instance, some people use LGBTQ+ for short. The + or plus sign indicates that there are more identities that fall under the Gender and Sexuality Identities umbrella. The current full acronym is LGBTQQIAAP, which includes all the abovementioned identities as well as Pansexual. This acronym is by no means fully inclusive of ALL sexual identities; however, the term is often used to include all sexual identities that are NOT strictly heterosexual as well as gender identities that are not necessarily cisgender.
LOVER Any partner with whom an individual has a sexual connection. This can include individuals who are Single or who are in a relationship (or multiple relationships). A lover usually infers someone who has a physical sexual relationship with someone and may or may not also include an emotional aspect as well.
LTR Acronym meaning "Long Term Relationship," which may be a term used in virtual dating profiles
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MANUAL STIMULATION When a person uses their hand and/or hands to sexually stimulate another person's body. See also Masturbation and Mutual Masturbation.
MASOCHISM / MASOCHIST Signifying the M in BDSM, Masochism is when a person ("masochist") becomes sexually aroused from receiving consensual physical or psychological pain that is inflicted by another person (usually the Dominant). Typically the submissive/slave/bottom is the person receiving pain from the Master/Dominant/Top. Masochists may enjoy physical pain such as whipping, spanking, and/or slapping to various parts of their body, among other forms of Discipline experienced in BDSM scenes. This kind of pain may or may not accompany sexual acts and may be an end in and of itself. Psychological pain may include humiliation, degradation, name-calling, and so forth. All BDSM practices must be done with Consent and caution. The term "masochism" is often used alongside "sadism," whereby a masochistic individual is sexually aroused by having a sadistic individual inflict the aforementioned types of pain on them. See also RACK, BDSM, and Sadism.
MASOCHISTIC CUCKOLD An individual who is sexually aroused by consensually watching their partner have sex with another person while their partner and the other person verbally humiliate them. Masochistic cuckolds often do not participate in the sex in any way but are "forced" to watch their partner. For instance, in a masochistic cuckolding scenario, a male cuckold may be aroused when his wife and her lover have sex in front of him, saying things like "this is how a real man does it" and /or making fun of the size of his penis. See also Cuckold, Cuckolding, and Masochism.
MASTER A term used within the BDSM community to describe a Dominant person. However, because of the negative connotations that relate to the concept of slavery (which has negative implications with racist overtones), the term "Master" is less commonly used and is being replaced by terms such as Dominant, Dom / Domme, Top, and so forth. Master also may be used as a term that describes a specific type of "extreme" / severe dynamic between a Dominant and their submissive counterpart (Master / slave).
MASTURBATION Self-pleasure performed on your own body, often (but not always) to Orgasm. See also Manual Stimulation and Mutual Masturbation.
MAT ROOM A term used within the Open-minded lifestyle and/or Swinging community and/or Kink community to refer to a room dedicated to Group Sex activities, usually during a play Party and/or other such events
MEET FOR PLEASURE On virtual dating profiles, when someone writes "meet for pleasure," this often indicates that the person / people are willing to meet for sexual activities, usually without any further social and/or emotional interest. See also Casual Sex, Friend with Benefits, and Fuck Friend.
MENAGE A TROIS The French term for "threesome." See Threesome for more details.
MENTAL HEALTH Emotional and behavioral (psychological) aspects of life and self-care, contrasted with Physical Health. However, it is important to note that mental health is intertwined with physical health. A person's psychological well-being may affect their physical health and vice versa. This is often referred to as the Mind-Body connection in holistic spheres and Psychosomatic in medical and therapeutic contexts.
METAMOUR Within Polyamorous relationships, a Metamour is an individual who one's partner is dating / in a relationship with but who is not romantically and/or sexually involved with that person. For example, Person 1 is in a relationship with Person 2, and Person 2 begins to date Person 3, making Person 3 the Metamour of Person 1. As another example, Paul is married to Tara, and Paul starts dating Betty; Betty is now Tara's metamour.
MONO POLY / MONO POLYAMORY A relationship style that describes when a person is in a monogamous relationship with someone, while also consenting to their partner's polyamorous practices with other people outside of their monogamous relationship. See also Polyamory, CNM, ENM, and Open Relationships.
MORESOME More than three or four people having sex at the same time. For instance, some people may use this in the context of "foursomes and moresomes" to refer to more than four people having sex, while others may say "threesomes and moresomes" to refer to three or more people in the same sexual scenario. See also Group Sex and Orgy.
MUNCH A term used within the Open lifestyle and Kink community to refer to meetings and/or events not specifically for the intention of having sex or playing sexually. Munches are essentially "meet-and-greets" and are key for newcomers within these lifestyles to get to know each other, ask questions, and be introduced to their communities. Munches may be in a physical location or can be done virtually as well.
MUTUAL MASTURBATION Mutual masturbation has two meanings, depending on the context in which it is used. In one context, mutual masturbation can refer to when one or more people masturbate themselves (touching their own bodies) at the same time, while watching the other person / people doing the same to themselves. In a different context, it may also mean when one or more people stimulate each other manually at the same time (e.g., using their hands to stimulate themselves and/or other people at the same time). See also Masturbation and Manual Stimulation.
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NANTAIMORI A Japanese word that refers to the aesthetically erotic practice of displaying sushi on a naked male body (or a person with a penis). The practice of doing this on a body with breasts and/or a vulva is called Nyotaimori.
NEWBIE A commonly-used term for when a person is a newcomer to the Open lifestyle, Swinger, and/or Kink / BDSM scenes. Newbies are usually known as those who do not have experience interacting with others within their lifestyle and are often excited, curious, and seeking more information and like-minded people to help them get started within their community. Munches and meet-and-greet events are incredibly helpful for newbies in these communities.
NIPPLE CLAMPS Clamp-type devices placed on the nipples to sexually stimulate and/or restrict blood flow to the nipples. Nipple clamps can be used within the context of BDSM, wherein a Dominant may use them on their submissive as a means to Discipline them, and may sometimes attach small weights to the clamps to add extra pain and/or sensation, and/or can also be used in the context of Electrosex or Electrostimulation. When done properly, using nipple clamps can be arousing and stimulating for the wearer.
NIPPLE RINGS Rings pierced through the nipple to stimulate sensation
NYOTAIMORI A Japanese word that refers to the aesthetically erotic practice of displaying sushi on a woman's naked body (or a person with breasts and/or a vulva). The practice of doing this on a masculine body is called Nantaimori.
Within the context of sexuality and/or relationships, the term Open commonly refers to when a person is open-minded and has an ethically non-monogamous mindset, i.e., curious about and/or interested in and/or actively maintaining one or more sexual and/or emotional relationships with another person / people.
This may include, for instance, a couple that is interested in having threesomes with other people; a couple who dates other people separately outside of their relationship; an individual who is open to dating more than one person at a time. Essentially, using the term "Open" simply means that a person is or may be interested in the concept of a relationship or union that falls outside the boundaries of traditional monogamy (which means a relationship with only one other person).
Open is used synonymously to refer to various forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) / Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), which means any relationship that is not strictly monogamous. A crucial distinction between "Ethical / Consensual" Non-Monogamy and Cheating (Non-Monogamy) is that within Open, ENM, and CNM relationships, all parties involved are aware of the open status of the other participants and give prior consent to their partner doing such activities. Cheating / Infidelity means that a person's partner is NOT aware of what they are doing when they are sexually and/or emotionally involved with another person and/or people. Cheating CAN happen within open relationships when one or more partners violate the previously agreed-upon boundaries of their relationship.
Because of the overlap in many terms and labels within the open-minded community, as well as the contexts within which they practice ethical non-monogamy, some people use the blanket term "Open" simply because they prefer to use that to say they are any of the following terms (as well as any variation of these), to name a few: Monogamish, Ethically Non-Monogamous, Consensually Non-Monogamous, Swinger, and/or Poly / Polyamorous / Polyromantic. There is no ONE right way to be open or have an open relationship; different people and relationships may have different boundaries, and as long as those work for them and everyone agrees upon these boundaries and is honest about what they are doing, open relationships can be healthy and fulfilling for all those involved.
OPEN DOOR SWINGING Within the Swinging community, "Open Door Swinging" refers to when all participants (which may include two or more couples) are sexually active in the same room at the same time
ORAL SEX Sexual acts performed with the mouth on a person's genitals. See also Anilingus, BJ, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Head, and Rimming.
ORGASM Used alternately as a noun (e.g., she had an orgasm) and a verb (e.g., she orgasmed), orgasm refers to a climax of sexual excitement, usually accompanied by pleasurable sensations centered within a person's genital / erogenous areas. Orgasm can also be achieved by stimulating non-genital areas, such as through kissing, non-genital skin contact, nipple play, Kink / BDSM activities, and so forth. Some people also report being able to achieve orgasm without any physical stimulation whatsoever (e.g., through mindful thought, meditation, visual stimulation, etc.), whether while awake or in their sleep.
Orgasms are often accompanied by a series of muscular contractions, usually in and/or around the genital areas, as well as bodily sensations and a psychological feeling of euphoria. It is important to note that different people can have orgasmic experiences that vary in intensity, frequency (see Multiple Orgasms), and reactions (e.g., crying after orgasmic release), among other differences, which may also vary depending on the scenario, partner, times of the day / month / season, age, level of experience, and so forth.
In people with penises, "orgasm" is often used to refer to Ejaculation (the release of seminal fluid brought about by orgasm); however, orgasm may occur with or without ejaculation.
Orgasms may be achieved using a variety of different kinds of stimulation, including (but not limited to) Manual Stimulation, Oral pleasure, Anal stimulation, play with Sex Toys, BDSM-related activities, Electrical stimulation, etc.
Not everyone is able to have orgasms for various reasons (Anorgasmia), and some people report having painful orgasms that are not pleasurable for them.
See also Edging, Forced Orgasm, Multiple Orgasms, Sapiosexual, and Tantra.
ORGY Consensual sexual group activity involving multiple people in the same room interacting with each other simultaneously. The exact definition of how many people are involved in an Orgy is sometimes debated; for some, an Orgy involves four or more people, whereas, for others, an Orgy simply means it's a group of more than three people.
Importantly, in an orgy or group sex scenario, it is not necessary for every person to be sexually touching every other person. For instance, an orgy can include three heterosexual couples and involve only the female of each of those couples playing with each other sexually, while the men do not touch or stimulate each other sexually.
See also Gangbang, Group Sex, and Moresome.
OTK A term used within the BDSM / Kink community that means Over The Knee and refers to spanking and/or other types of Impact Play wherein a submissive person is bending over / lying over the lap / knee of a Dominant person and being spanked / flogged / impacted by a kink implement in that position. Can be used as a means of Discipline and/or a reward for the submissive.
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PANSEXUAL Within the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, Pansexual individuals are those who have sexual, romantic, and/or emotional attraction toward other people, regardless of their sex or gender identity, in that gender is not a determining factor in their romantic or sexual attraction to others. The ability and potential to feel sexual attraction to anyone regardless of gender; sometimes conflated with Bisexuality and omnisexuality. The term "pansexual" is derived from the Greek word for "all."
PARTY Any gathering of three or more people, which may or may not be for the purposes of sexual activity
PARTY HOUSE A meeting place and/or non-club location situated in a house environment, intended for gatherings of open-minded people, usually for the purposes of erotic, kinky, and/or sexual activity. Party houses usually do not require membership (in contrast to, for instance, a swinger's club) but may ask for an entrance fee for guests to participate.
PEARL NECKLACE A colloquial term for when a person with a penis ejaculates on or near a person's neck, chest, and/or breasts
PEGGING A sexual practice where a person without a penis penetrates a partner's anus with a strap-on dildo for the purposes of sexual pleasure. Typically, Pegging refers to when the receiver has a penis. See also Anal Sex.
PERVERTIBLE An everyday object that can often be found around the house and used as a sex toy or BDSM implement on a person's body for the purposes of sexual stimulation and/or gratification. For instance, using a wooden spoon or ruler to slap someone's body parts, using clothespins as nipple clamps, and so forth. This term is sometimes also spelled "pervertable." See also Sex Toys.
PET PLAY Within the Fetish community, Pet Play refers to a type of animal Roleplay, whereby at least one participant (pet) plays the part of a non-human animal, which usually involves dressing up as, behaving like, playing like, and living like an animal. For instance, someone who is a pet dog might dress up in a full dog costume, eat and drink out of dog dishes, be taken on walks by their Handler, and play with other dogs (other pets who are roleplaying as dogs). See also Handler and BDSM.
PHYSICAL HEALTH Topics that relate to physiological (of the body) elements of a person's health rather than the mind (Mental Health / Psychology). However, it is important to note that a person's Physical Health and Mental Health are intertwined, such as that one may have effects on the other (e.g., depression creating body aches / fatigue; chronic illness contributing to a person's depressive state). In medical, psychological, and therapeutic practices, physical health and mental health go hand-in-hand and may also be referred to as the Mind-Body connection. Treatment practices in most domains emphasize the importance of both mental and physical health as crucial to a person's well-being.
POLYAMORY / POLYAMOROUS Within the realm of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) / Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), Polyamory is a type of open relationship style and/or orientation in which a person is involved with more than one partner at the same time. These relationships may be emotional and/or physical in nature. Importantly, within polyamorous relationships, all partners are aware of and Consent to their partner's arrangements with others, and may or may not have other relationships of their own with others, as well.
While there is some overlap between the Swinging and Polyamorous communities, one distinction between these Open relationships is that in Swinging, the focus is primarily sexual, while in Polyamory, partners may seek an emotional element with their partner(s) in addition to a sexual one.
Polyamorous relationships do not require every person involved to have relationships with each other, although this could be the case in some relationships. Partners may have different relationships and boundaries with each other partner involved. For instance, Person 1 may be married to and have a family with Person 2, but also be dating Person 3 and Person 4, while Person 2 may be dating Person 5.
See also Consensual Non-Monogamy, Metamour, Open, and Solo Polyamory.
POWER EXCHANGE The Consensual relinquishing and assumption of control as part of or within a BDSM Kink dynamic (Domination/submission). See also BDSM.
PRIMAL A form of BDSM, primal play is practiced by "primals" who express their raw, animalistic side during sexual activity. Stronger vocalizations, such as growling, and physical behaviors like scratching and wresting, are common. Some primals also emulate specific non-human animals during sessions.
PRO Professional; usually a term referring to Sex Workers who are professionally trained in sexual and/or Kink practices and perform said practices on a person for monetary exchange.
PUSSY WORSHIP An erotic and/or sexual practice involving a person pleasuring, stimulating, and/or cleaning / shaving another person's vulva. This may be any type of stimulation but usually refers to delivering manual and/or oral types of pleasure. Within the context of kinky relationships and/or the BDSM community, Pussy Worship can be referred to when a submissive shows their reverence to, and deference toward, their Dominant.
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QUEEF / QUEEFING An audible, involuntary release of air from the vagina that sounds like a fart. This is a natural phenomenon that can happen after / during penetrative sexual play because of the way air is forced into / enters the vagina, and then has to be released. It is nothing to be embarrassed about!
QUEER Queer is a term often in relation to sexual orientation and/or gender identity, used to describe a person / community that does not fall under the label of heterosexuality. For instance, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc., may all also identify as queer. Recognized as the Q in LGBTQIA+ (Queer / Questioning), queer folks don't identify with conventional labels and instead use individualized, often fluid (ever-changing) gender and sexuality expressions.
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RACK Acronym used to define Risk-Aware Consensual Kink, meaning that participants in each BDSM scene agree to and acknowledge the associated psychological and/or physical risks of the elements of that specific scenario. See also BDSM.
RAVAGEMENT FANTASY a.k.a., Consensual Non-Consent, Rape Fantasy; Ravagement Fantasy is a type of Risk Aware Consensual Kink (see RACK) BDSM scene involving roleplaying as a person who is consensually "forced" into sex by an aggressor or a group of aggressors.
Importantly, having a Ravagement Fantasy does NOT mean that the person actually wants to be raped in real life. What is enticing to a person about a ravagement fantasy is the ability to control the scene and Consent to each element of the scene.
There is sometimes an element of capture where the victim is taken away. Once captured, they can be bound, forcefully penetrated, and/or any other desired acts such as physically harmed, blindfolded, etc. The aggressor(s) develop the scene based on previously agreed-upon themes by and with the person playing the "victim." All scene elements are consensual, and these fantasies are most often requested by the person playing the "victim."
RESTRAINT Mild Bondage used in the enactment of BDSM sexual fantasies
RIGGER A person (also termed a Rope Top, Top or Dominant) who practices a Bondage, typically with rope, on a consenting Rope Bunny or Rope Bottom. See also Bondage and BDSM.
RIMMING Form of Anal play; see also Anilingus and Oral Sex
RISK AWARE SEX Common among HSV- and other STI/STD-positive people, Risk Aware Sex involves consensual participation in sexual activity upon disclosure of STI/STD status
ROLEPLAY Act out a different persona dressed in sexy themed outfits
ROPE BUNNY A person (also called a rope bottom, submissive, or bottom) who enjoys being bound by rope, often (but not always) for the purposes of sexual stimulation. The person binding a rope bunny is called a Rope Rigger, Rigger, Rope Top and/or Dominant. See also BDSM, Bondage, bottom, and submissive.
ROPE BUNNY / BOTTOM The receiving partner to the Rigger in a BDSM dynamic, a Rope Bunny or Rope Bottom experiences psychological and/or sexual pleasure from being bound with rope or other forms of tied Bondage. See submissive.
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S&M Stands for Sadism and Masochism. See BDSM for more details.
SADISM / SADIST Sadism is a term derived from the Marquis de Sade. To be a "sadist" or "sadistic" is to get sexual pleasure from inflicting physical and/or psychological pain on another person (usually the submissive or bottom). Typically the Dominant / Master / Top is the person consensually inflicting pain upon the submissive / slave / bottom. See BDSM.
SAFE SEX Refers to the practice of mindful, protected sex, often using barriers (e.g., condoms, latex gloves, etc.), with the goal of minimizing as many risks as possible in preventing STIs, STDs, and pregnancy
SAFE WORD A specific word agreed upon in BDSM settings that indicates that the person wants to end the scene immediately
SAINT ANDREW'S CROSS a.k.a., BDSM cross, bondage cross, crux decussata, saltire, X-cross, X-frame, this piece of restraint equipment is common in BDSM dungeons and used to bind a submissive's / bottom's wrists and ankles to it in an X position
SAPIOSEXUAL When a person experiences an erotic attraction to someone with whom they share an intellectual chemistry; sexual arousal experienced during intellectually stimulating conversation with another person
SENSATION PLAY A type of BDSM play where the intent is to explore and push a person's sensory limits. For instance, blindfolding someone and tickling their body with a feather; by depriving them of their sense of sight, their other senses become heightened.
SEX CLUB A club or establishment whose primary purpose is to provide play areas for others to engage in consensual sexual play. These clubs may also include bars and/or dance areas, in addition to separate rooms and/or an open play area. Swingers clubs are often sex clubs, and these terms are often used synonymously within the swinger lifestyle.
SEX TOYS Sexual devices, pleasure products designed for sexual pleasure via masturbation and/or during sexual play with one's partner(s). For instance, vibrators, dildos, cock rings, kegel balls, and so forth.
SEXUAL HEALTH Topics regarding safer sex practices (contraception, STI/STD prevention) and the well-being of the body in relation to sexual activity and sexual confidence
SHIBARI a.k.a., Kinbaku; a form of Japanese rope bondage using intricate methods of tying ropes that are aesthetically pleasing and also erotically arousing. See Bondage.
SLAVE A term used within the BDSM community to describe a submissive person. However, because of the negative connotations that relate to the concept of slavery (which has negative implications with racist overtones), the term "slave" is less commonly used and is being replaced by terms such as submissive and/or bottom. Slave also may be used as a term that describes a specific type of "extreme" / severe dynamic between a submissive person and their Dominant (Master / slave relationship).
SLUT A colloquial term that is typically used in a derogatory way to refer to a promiscuous woman, insinuating that it is / was shameful for a woman to be sexual in any way. "Slut" was used as a term to negatively describe anything about a woman that used to be (and still is, for the most part) deemed socially unacceptable, such as wearing revealing clothing, makeup (especially red lipstick), being flirtatious, talking about sex, having sex before marriage, and having had more than one sexual partner in her lifetime. The use of the term Slut is a double standard because men are usually not subject to negative criticism regarding their apparel, flirtatious behaviors, sexual practices, and the number of their sexual partners because, as the saying goes, "boys will be boys." There is NOTHING shameful about having sexual desires and acting on them, nor with the number of sexual partners a person has, as long as everything is consensual and legal. It is important to note that a component of female empowerment has included women reclaiming the term Slut and using it in a positive, assertive way to describe her shameless sexuality.
SNOWBALLING Group sexual practice / Fluid Play where semen is passed on from mouth to mouth
SOFT LIMIT A sexual boundary for an act that someone is hesitant to do or try, as opposed to a Hard Limit, which is when someone is absolutely adamant about not doing something sexually
SOFT SWAP A Swinger term for when a couple performs non-penetrative sexual activity with each others' partners, i.e., kissing, oral, sensual massage, etc.
SOFT SWINGERS Swingers who choose to have intercourse exclusively with their own primary partner. These swingers may still attend events within the swinger lifestyle as Voyeurs and will play with their partner in front of others as Exhibitionists, without involving others in their sexual play.
SOLO POLY / SOLO POLYAMORY An open relationship style that describes when a person has multiple intimate relationships with others, but has an independent or single lifestyle. See also Polyamory, CNM, ENM, and Open Relationships.
SPANKING The BDSM practice of using one's hand(s) for spanking someone for sexual arousal or gratification; a form of Impact Play made for erotic pleasure
SQUIRTING Refers to female ejaculation, or when someone with a vagina "squirts" or ejaculates as a result of sexual stimulation that may or may not be penetrative in nature
STAG Within the context of Hotwifing, a Stag is usually referred to as a man who encourages his female partner, known as a Vixen, to have sex with other men. The Stag may or may not engage in Group Sex with his Vixen and her partner. See Hotwifing.
STD Sexually Transmitted Diseases are those that affect the reproductive system and often cannot be fully treated medically (e.g., HPV, Herpes, HIV/AIDS). Your risk of contracting STDs from a sexual partner can be minimized with Safe Sex practices, such as by using barrier methods (e.g., condoms, latex gloves) during sexual play.
STEALTHING The deceptive act of removing a condom during or right before sexual intercourse without the receiver's Consent
STI Sexually Transmitted Infection. Not the same as STD. An STI is an infection that is transmissible via sexual contact but is usually short-term in nature and can be medically treated (e.g., Chlamydia), such as with antibiotics. Your risk of contracting an STI during sexual play can be minimized with Safe Sex practices such as using barrier methods (e.g., condoms).
STRAIGHT This term has several meanings. 1. Straight can refer to someone who is Heterosexual (e.g., not Bisexual, Homosexual, etc.) 2. Can describe a person who does not do drugs. 3. Can be used by Swingers to denote non-swingers, a.k.a., "vanilla."
SUBMISSIVE Within the context of BDSM, a submissive (a.k.a., submissive / slave / bottom) is an individual who consensually gives another person (alternatively referred to as Dominant / Master / Mistress / Top) the power to dominate them sexually. See BDSM.
SWAFFLE / SWAFFLING The intentional slapping of the penis against something or someone for sexual arousal and / or gratification
SWAPPING Within the realm of open relationships and swinging, swapping can refer to when couples exchange their partners with another couple for sexual play. See Swinging, Soft Swap, and Full Swap.
SWINGERS CLUB A club / establishment whose primary purpose is to provide play areas for Swingers and open-minded individuals and couples to engage in Consensual sexual play. Swingers clubs may also include bars and/or dance areas, in addition to separate rooms and/or an open play area. Swingers clubs and Sex Clubs are terms often used synonymously within the Swinger Lifestyle.
SWINGERS LIFESTYLE The Swingers Lifestyle refers to the Open lifestyle that includes living in, socializing in, and playing within a community with other open-minded individuals and couples who are swingers. See Swinging.
SWINGING The ethically non-monogamous, consensual pursuit of sexual partnerships with other individuals and couples. While the swinging label usually refers to those who are ethically non-monogamous, mostly for the purposes of sexual play, it also denotes the lack of desire for an emotional attachment with other swinging playmates, which is in contrast with other open / consensually non-monogamous practices such as Polyamory. See CNM and ENM for more.
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TANTRA / TANTRIC Specific acts and positions that synchronize partners into a meditative state for the purposes of sexual pleasure and/or gratification. A form of Sacred sex and intimacy for individuals and/or couples who practice it. Tantric sex can involve delaying sexual gratification for the purposes of heightened pleasure and/or sensations, prolonged sexual activity, connectedness, intimacy, and other beneficial practices.
TEABAGGING A colloquial term for a sexual act in which someone "dips" their scrotum (i.e., testicles, balls) into another person's mouth, akin to the way a person might dip a teabag into a cup of tea. See also Oral Sex.
THREESOME A threesome consists of three people who consensually and ethically engage in sexual activity with each other. This does not mean that everyone involved in a threesome plays with each other person; for instance, in a threesome with two men and one woman, the female might be the focus of play for both men, while the men do not play with each other. Some also refer to the desire for threesomes as "Triolism." See Group Sex.
TICKET A slang term within the Swinger Lifestyle that refers to a person, usually a single female, on whom a single man relies solely for the purpose of enabling him to gain entrance to a Swingers Club or Party in which single men are not invited. The notion is that in the swinger lifestyle, often parties and events may be limited to those who are coupled, so single men are not allowed to be present without a companion.
TICKLERS A type of Sex Toy, such as feathers, which can be used to tease one's partner. These can be used within the context of BDSM, during which a Dominant might use a tickler on a submissive as a way to torment and tease them and can contribute to building up anticipation for more intense play, such as Impact Play, or to alleviate the intensity of a scene.
TOP See also Dominant. Within the BDSM community, a Top is someone who disciplines a submissive or bottom.
TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM An expression used in BDSM contexts to describe a scenario in which a submissive (bottom) attempts to control the play in the scene, the dynamic, or their relationship with their Dominant (Top) from their submissive position by using seduction, persuasive behavior, provoking their Dominant, and other typically dominant behaviors that are uncharacteristic of submission. See also bottom, submissive, Brat, and BDSM.
TOY Someone who consensually becomes a Toy in a BDSM Roleplay scene is no longer treated as a person but rather as a purely sexual object for the sole purpose of pleasuring someone else
TRANSGENDER Within the LGBTQ+ umbrella, a transgender person is someone who does not feel that their emotions and psychological comfort are aligned with the gender they were assigned at birth. This may or may not involve a physical transition to become the gender they feel psychologically. This can refer to someone who has physically transitioned into having the opposite reproductive organs and hormones than those with which they were born (i.e., a person with male genitals might undergo reassignment surgery to have a vagina and vulva, and many receive breast implants and use hormone therapy to give them more feminine features). Gender reassignment surgery and treatments are not always desired by a transgender individual, who may be comfortable in their current body while expressing the gender they identify with in other ways, such as by wearing clothing that is considered "masculine" or "feminine." Importantly, the concept of gender is very fluid. See Gender Fluid for more.
TRIAD A term used within Polyamorous relationships, and other forms of ethically / consensually non-monogamous relationships, that describes a relationship between three people that includes both emotional and sexual elements. Not the same as a Threesome, which is usually a short-lived sexual encounter between three people. Some people use the term "Throuple" instead of Triad, but the latter term is generally preferred within the polyamorous community.
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UNICORN A term used within the Open lifestyle, the Swinging Lifestyle, and in ethically / consensually non-monogamous relationships to identify single females or female-identified individuals who are ideally Bisexual and open to playing with Couples for Threesomes and others within a Swinging or Open Relationship. It is not easy to find Unicorns, and they are so-called because of how rare they are to find. Outside the context of swinging, for other forms of open relationships, such as in Polyamorous relationships, couples may seek a Unicorn to add a third into their relationship and form a Triad together (i.e., the Unicorn would fit perfectly into their relationship). In these latter cases, the Unicorn is often expected to be subject to the couple's rules and boundaries and decisions, and subject to Couples Privilege, rather than being equal to each individual in the couple within the relationship and being consulted to have equal weight in the decision-making process within the relationship. See CNM, ENM, Consensual Non-Monogamy, and Couples Privilege for more details.
UNICORN HUNTING The act of searching for a Unicorn, like when a Couple is looking for a unicorn for a Threesome or Group Sex experience, and/or, in the context of Polyamory, finding a Unicorn to add to an existing relationship (i.e., to form a Triad). This can include using dating websites or apps and meeting unicorns in person at erotic events and Sex / Swingers Clubs.
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VAGINISMUS A physical and/or psychological condition involving muscle spasms in the pelvic floor muscles (of a person who has a vagina), which can cause pain and make it difficult or even impossible to have penetrative sex or play, to undergo a gynecological exam, or even to insert a tampon. Vaginismus can be very difficult for a person to live with and can cause a lot of psychological distress. Treatments for vaginismus are far-ranging and lengthy and can include psychological and medical treatments involving medication, the use of dilators that gradually increase in thickness, surgery, and other treatments.
VAGINITIS Inflammation of the vagina that can result in discharge, itching, and pain. This inflammation is often treatable with medication and medical care
VALIDATION On SDC's dating site, a Validation is when someone can prove that a profile or person is real. For instance, someone might validate someone's profile when they have met them, attended an event with them, played with them, etc.
VANILLA Within the context of the Open / Swinging community, someone is considered Vanilla when they are not within the open lifestyle (i.e., is monogamous and not in an open relationship)
VIBRATOR See Sex Toys. A Vibrator is a vibrating device used for sexual stimulation and/or sexual gratification.
VIOLET WAND A device used in electrical play which safely produces low-intensity electrical sparks when it touches the body and is used for sexual stimulation and/or gratification, often within the context of BDSM. Violet wands must be used with caution. See also Electrosex, Electric Play.
VIXEN In Hotwifing scenarios, a Vixen is a Hotwife, i.e., a woman or female-identifying individual who has sex with people besides her primary partner, at the encouragement of her primary partner (usually known as a Stag). See also Hotwife, Hotwifing.
VOYEURISM A voyeur is a person who enjoys watching others having sex, i.e., an individual who engages in voyeurism. A voyeur can become sexually aroused at the sight of other people engaging in sexual activities and may also choose to pleasure themselves sexually as they watch others performing sexual acts in front of them. In some scenarios, such as "Peeping Tom" voyeuristic contexts, the voyeur may choose not to make themselves known to those who are engaging in sexual activity and may derive pleasure from the secretive nature of their watching. Voyeurism is quite common in the Open Lifestyle and in Swingers Clubs and events, and is a behavior that is often invited by Exhibitionistic couples and individuals.
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WATER SPORTS / WATERSPORTS Sexual activity in which urine is involved. For instance, "Golden Showers" are a type of Watersport defined as someone who is sexually aroused by the act of someone peeing on them or the person who is doing the urinating on the other person. Watersports may also include consuming someone else's urine. See also Fetish, Kink.
