Swinging, Open Relationships, Kink & Sex Terms

When you enter the lifestyle, there might be some terminology you’re unfamiliar with. This is a list of words and descriptions that you may encounter and are meant to help you navigate swinger relationships, open relationships, polyamory, other forms of consensually non-monogamous relationships, as well as BDSM, kink and fetish scenes.

– A –

AC/DC 
A person who enjoys both same-sex and opposite-sex sexual activity; Bi, Bisexual, Versatile

AFTERCARE
A term used in BDSM to describe the act of a Dominant bringing their submissive out of a scene in an emotionally and physically safe and comfortable way

ADULT
Euphemism for 21+ (or 18+ where applicable) and used to indicate sexual or pornographic content

ALL
A person or couple up for all fetishes and sexual activities

AMERICAN
Women under, Man on top: missionary

ANAL
Anal intercourse

ANILINGUS
Oral touch or stimulation of the anus by kissing, licking, sucking, or other

ARTS
Euphemism for fetishes

– B –

B&D
Bondage and Discipline; use of a variety of methods to restrain a person and discipline, usually by a “master” and his/her “slave”

BBW 
Big Beautiful Woman: curvy and comfortable with it

BDSM
Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism

BI
Bisexual; aka AC/DC, Versatile

BI-CURIOUS
Male or Female with an interest to explore same-sex activities

BJ
Blowjob

BIZARRE
Indication for unusual sexual desires

BONDAGE
Sexual fetish where restraints (ropes, chains, cloth, leather straps) are used to tie or hold a consensual sexual partner. The person doing the binding is considered “dominant” while the person being restrained is considered “submissive”

BUKKAKE
A type of sexual activity in which several men ejaculate on a person

BYOB
Bring Your Own Booze

BYOC
Bring Your Own Condoms

BYOL
Bring Your Own Lube

– C –

CAN ENTERTAIN
Person or couple open to receiving others in their home for sexual activities

CAN TRAVEL
Person or couple able to travel a distance for sexual activities

CANING
A fetish involving spanking with a light cane made of bamboo or other light material

CHEATING
Engaging in sexual activity with others without the consent of their spouse and/or partner

CLEAN
Free of STDs

CLOSED DOOR / CLOSED SWINGING
Sexual activity using separate rooms, in the same house

CLOSET SWINGER
Person hiding the fact that they are a swinger

CONSENT
The explicit permission for any sexual activity, it can be retracted before and during sexual activity

CPL
Couple, a man and a woman either married, in a committed relationship or couple of two singles dating for swinging purposes

CUCKOLD
The male in a relationship consensually watches or is forced to watch his wife play with others

CUCKQUEAN
The female in a relationship consensually watches or is forced to watch her husband play with others

CULTURE
Euphemism for fetish or arts

CUNNILINGUS
Stimulation of the vagina and clitoris by mouth and sometimes teeth

– D –

DILDO
An artificial penis made out of rubber, plastic, or glass to use for sexual stimulation of the vagina and/or anus

DISCIPLINE 
A sexual fetish in which one partner dominates another willing participant. Often includes physical punishment of the submissive partner, ranging from physical restraint to mild spankings to painful beatings

DISCREET/DISCRETION
Exercising caution in communication as to hide any indication to swinging activities

DOCILE
Like a submissive willing to receive bondage and/or discipline

DOMESTIC TRAINING
Submissive obedience with a focus to intimate and/or humiliating household chores

DOMINANT
Sexual partner in charge of a submissive

DP
Double Penetration

– E –

ED
Erectile Dysfunction

ELECTROSEX
Refers to using specially designed machines to apply electrical stimulation to the genitals for sexual pleasure

ELECTRIC PLAY
Refers to exploring the mysterious effects of applying electric pulses for excitement and sexual gratification; alluring for a submissive

ELLIS
Ellis is code for L.S. aka Lifestyle. The question “Are you a friend of Ellis?” can help identify those in the lifestyle without compromising confidentiality.

ENGLISH CULTURE
Sexual stimulation

ENTERTAIN
Person or couple open to receiving others in their home for sexual activities

EXHIBITIONIST
Enjoys and is sexually aroused by being watched having sex

– F –

F
Female

FELLATIO
Sexual stimulation of the penis by mouth, tongue, lips, and teeth

FETISH
Sexual arousal through the use of non-sexual objects, clothing, actions, or non-genital anatomy

FLAGGELLATION
Sexual stimulation through pain, usually whipping or spanking

FRENCH CULTURE
Oral-genital sexual activity; aka fellatio, cunnilingus

FUN GAMES
Euphemism for sexual activity

– G –

GANGBANG
A situation where a group of people engages in sexual activity with a specific person (male or female) as the central focus of that sexual activity

GAY
A homosexual person, male or female

GBM
Gay Black Male

GENEROUS
Refers to money in exchange for sex

GROUP ROOM
A room dedicated to group sex, usually furnished with mattresses or mats

GROUP SEX
Sexual activity between three or more persons

GWM
Gay White Male

– H –

HARDCORE
A swingers party or gathering where sexual interaction is expected

HEAD
Oral-genital sexual stimulation of a male penis

HEDONIST
Someone who lives for sensual pleasure

HETEROSEXUAL
A person who is attracted to the opposite sex

HOMOSEXUAL
A person attracted to members of the same sex

HORNY
Sexually aroused

HOTWIFE / HOTWIFING
A married woman who has sexual relationships outside of the marriage, with full consent of the husband

HUNG
Refers to having a large penis

HWP
Height-Weight Proportionate: indicates an ideal body weight

– I –

INDOOR SPORTS
General indication for swinging activities

INTERESTED
Person seeking a relationship that includes swinging for emotion and recreational purposes

IRL
In Real Life; used in ads or online chat

ISO
In Search Of; used in ads

– L –

LGBTQ+
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer. The + indicates other orientations and stands for love, acceptance, and the embrace of all

LEATHER
A fetish; sexual arousal by wearing or touching leather or leather garments

LESBIAN
A female sexually and emotionally attracted to females

LTR
Long Term Relationship

– M –

MARITAL
Devices used for sexual stimulation of self and others

MASOCHISM
Sexual gratification by receiving pain and humiliation

MASTER/SLAVE
Participants in a sexual relationship that includes bondage and discipline

MASTURBATION
Pleasuring oneself

MATROOM
A room dedicated to group sex

MEET FOR PLEASURE
Person willing to meet for sex; without any further social or emotional interest

MENAGE A TROIS
Three people having sex

MORESOME
More than three persons having sex

MBC
Married Black Couple

MBIC
Married Bisexual Couple

MWC
Married White Couple

– N –

NASCA
North American Swing Club Association

NEWBIE
New persons entering the swinger scene

NON-SMOKER
Does not smoke. If mentioned in an ad, the person is looking for a sexual encounter with a person or couple who are non-smokers

– O –

OFF-PREMISE
No sexual activity takes place; you meet and make your own arrangements elsewhere

OPEN DOOR / SWINGING
Sexual activity with another couple in the same room. Several or all participating couples are sexually active in the same room

ORGY
Sexual activity by several men and women in the same room; aka Group Sex, Moresome

– P –

PARTY
Any gathering of three or more people of both sexes for swinging

PARTY CLOTHES
Clothing meant as sexy party wear to show off the body for erotic courting and play

PARTY HOUSE
A non-membership swinger club offering a regular schedule for on-premise swingers parties

PASSIVE
A quiet and submissive person, willing to receive corrective training

PHOTO
Nude or sexually explicit photos

PHOTOGRAPHY
Interested in exchanging or creating nude or sexually explicit photographs

POLYAMORY
Emotional and/or physical relationships with more than one partner at the same time

P/P
Photo and phone number

PRO
Professional; in other words, prostitutes or escorts

– Q –

QUEEF / QUEEFING
An audible, involuntary release of air from the vagina

– R –

RECREATIONAL
A person or couple practicing swinging for recreational purposes and not interested in forming any long term friendship or emotional attachment

RESTRAINT
Mild bondage used in the enactment of sexual fantasies

ROLEPLAY
Act out a different persona, often dressed in sexy themed outfits

ROMAN
Group sex, orgies, party scene

ROMAN CULTURE
Sexual orgies

RUBBER
Condom; sexual stimulation through the look, feel, and smell of rubber; associated with Bondage & Discipline

– S –

SADISM
The tendency to derive sexual pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on others

SAFE
Sterile person

SAFE WORD
A specific word agreed upon in BDSM settings that indicates consent is per immediate withdrawn

SBF
Single Black Female

SBIF
Single Bisexual Female

SBM
Single Black Male

SGL / SINGLE
Single, a swinger without a partner

S&M
Sadism and Masochism

SOCIAL
A party or gathering organized by a swingers club or others for swinger to meet and socialize

SOCIAL SWING CLUB
A swingers club, usually membership-based for swinger activities on-premise

SODOMY
Sexual intercourse involving anal or oral copulation

SOFT SWINGERS
Couples who choose to have intercourse exclusively with their own partner

SOFT SWINGING
A term used to describe same-room sex, watching/being watched or any sexual activity not including intercourse

SRS
Same-Room Sex

STD
Sexually Transmitted Disease

STEALTHING
The act of removing a condom during or right before sexual intercourse without consent

STR / STRAIGHT
Not a homosexual person. Describes a person who does not do drugs. Used by swingers to denote non-swingers

SUBMISSIVE
Passive, open to being dominated

SWAFFLE / SWAFFLING
The intentional slapping the penis against something or someone for sexual arousal and gratification

SWAPPING
Couples exchanging partners for sexual activity

SWEDISH CULTURE
Use of hands in massage to sexually stimulate

SWF
Single White Female

SWINGING
Alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational sex with others, oftentimes on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and consent by all involved; sometimes including single males and females (unicorns)

SWINGING LIFESTYLE
Style of living with swinging as a major component in recreation, choice of friends, business and social life, and intimate relationships

SWINGING MARRIAGE
A marriage that is open to swinging

SWM
Single White Male

SQUIRTING
Female ejaculation. The act of a female ejaculating during a sexual act

– T –

TAN
Tested Antibody Negative for HIV

TANTRA / TANTRIC SEX
An ancient Hindu practice that is a form of slow sex meant to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasms

THREESOME
Three people engaging in sexual activity with each other; aka Menage a Trois

TICKET
A person, usually a female, solely to enable a male to gain entrance to an event

TOYS
Sexual devices; aka pleasure products

TRANSGENDER
Individual who identifies themselves as a different gender than they were born into

TRANSVESTITE
Individual who wears the clothes of their opposite gender; not necessarily homosexual

TRIAD
Three people, in a continuing relationship with emotional and sexual involvement. Not the same as a threesome

TRIOLISM
Used in profiles to indicate the desire for “threesomes;” indicates someone's desire to watch their partner have sex with someone else

– U –

UTOPIAN SWINGER
A person who practices swinging as a total lifestyle with humanistic ideals

– V –

VAGINITIS
Inflammation of the vagina that can result in discharge, itching, and pain

VAGINISMUS
A condition involving muscle spasms in the pelvic floor muscles, which can make it painful, difficult, or even impossible to have sexual intercourse, undergo a gynecological exam, or insert a tampon

VALIDATION
The action of proving the validity of a profile or person to be real

VERSATILE
AC/DC, Bisexual

VIBRATOR
Vibrating device for sexual stimulation

VOLUPTUOUS
The fullness of a person's beauty and physical form

VOYEUR
A person who enjoys watching others having sex

VOYEURISM
Sexual gratification by watching others having sex

– W –

WATER SPORTS
Sexual activity in which urine is involved

WAY-OUTS / WEIRDOS
People interested in activities considered bizarre, kinky, highly unusual, or unconventional