Why Ex-Mormons Seek Out Sex Coaching
Hi, I’m Sexologist Dr. Cari Oneal. I’m a sex and intimacy coach specializing in Lifestyle relationships. An Ex-Mormon Faith Transition community recently asked me to discuss my work, their unique challenges, and successes related to living in sexually healthy ways. This article highlights the information I submitted.
Cultural beliefs about sex often make people feel broken and sexually shut down in one way or another. In my experience, individuals want more from their sex life but they don’t know how to get it. Why? Talking about sex and their sexual needs is so taboo that it becomes the elephant in the room and the shame and heartache associated with that dynamic turns lovers into roommates.
So, here it is! A quick look at why my Sex Coaching is sought out by so many people who have left the Mormon church — or any sex-shaming religion for that matter…
No Religious Agenda
When looking for sex coaching, many people like the fact that I’ve never been a Mormon. They often laugh when I tell them that their salvation is out of my wheelhouse. My only agenda is for your best sexual health and behavior — and you’ll define and redefine what that means for you as you learn and grow.
They Need Solutions that Work NOW
Sex and Substance are the first things Ex-Mormons experiment with after leaving the Church, and they do so with existential panic and flare. It’s not “Sexual Experimentation 101” for many; more often, they very quickly sign up for “Sexual Experimentation Novice-to-Advanced” trying to make up for their perceived lost time — all in an effort to stamp out any regret related to the Church’s teachings related to sex. This often leads to experimenting in the Lifestyle with Multiple Partners and, well... they find out that life can get messy fast.
Families, long-term relationships, and a lifetime of assets hang in the balance during their faith transition; this is often a very painful and confusing time of life. I have a lot of empathy for Ex-Mormons who are searching for answers now and who are trying to settle the panic they feel in an urgent effort to make sense of it all.
There is a Lot of Shame Involved in Sexuality
One of the outcomes of most strict faith-based upbringings is a lot of shame and guilt related to sex. That shame and guilt needs to be acknowledged and processed. When we work together, addressing shame is one of the first things we do. When the “psychological surgery” or de-programming is complete — we start to re-build. We build in the physical, emotional, mental, and sexual skill-sets needed for the behavior that the client wants to see. Often, that behavior includes participation in the Lifestyle.
Loss of identity
Ex-Mormons are learning to balance and define quite a large number of identities. Who are they in the afterlife, their public communities of work/school/hobbies, their extended family, their close family, their role as parents, as a couple, and even who they are in relationship to themselves? It’s overwhelming, and it gets even more so in the bedroom because the Church was such a big part of telling them who they were/are and how they should act. There’s a lot of anger on this aspect alone, and that anger often keeps them stuck.
I provide sex-positive coaching and sex education where the only agenda is sexual well-being over a lifetime regardless of age, gender, orientation(s), and proclivities. This new sex education highlights healthy sexual and relational behavior so that when we’re done — you’ll never really be lost even when you might feel that way.
I LOVE working with Ex-Mormons because they have a lot of courage to leave their faith. Post-Mormons are on a mission to live their best life, have a mind of their own, they’re willing to work hard on themselves — and they’ve got the grit to make it happen.
They Want Healthy & Exciting Sex
Ex-Mormons have already been through A LOT leaving the Church. They want healthy sexual relations, and to “be open and alive.” They need non-judgemental acceptance and help to build these things into their lives and I’m thrilled to help them find their way.
Visit my website by clicking the banner below and find out what my Ex-Mormon clients had to say about working with me.