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Swingers Q&A

Do you have questions about swinging, relationships, and sexuality? We have answers! Get advice about popular topics like the swinger lifestyle, hotwifing, open relationships, sexual health tips, and more from our team of experts. Check out our Q&A section below for some recent and popular questions, or ask us your own!

YOUR QUESTIONS: ANSWERED!

What are nudists, and do we have to be nudists to join the lifestyle?
 

The definition of a nudist is a person who believes in the practice of going nude, especially in non-sexual social settings and as a part of a conscious choice of lifestyle. In this episode of the Pure Orgasmic Love podcast, we discuss living a nudist lifestyle, how nudism is perceived, and how nudism is NOT a sexual lifestyle. LISTEN HERE...

answered by Dragonfly
Is it true that swingers are just horny hippies looking for sex?
 

On an SDC cruise, Dr. Jay noticed that there was a number of people all of his clinical professors would have certified as totally “normal” in terms of demographics, socioeconomic status, level of functionality, and absence of any overt pathology. If he didn’t see a few naked people, he would not have noticed anything unique about most of the people on this cruise — they seemed quite “normal.” READ MORE...

What are some red flags to watch for in the lifestyle?
 

These are things that might pop up that should be a warning sign that something is not OK. We give key insight on how to identify fakes, flakes, and drama couples in the lifestyle and ways to avoid them. READ MORE...

answered by Dan and Lacy
Are there any secret signs that identify someone as a swinger?
 

It would be nice if there were some clear signs to let everyone know! Like any good secret society, there are plenty of myths surrounding the "secret signs" of swinging, so SDC.com is here to let you in on a few of the urban legends surrounding swinging. READ MORE...

answered by Maddy V
How can we take better pictures for our dating profile?
 

Finding how to take the perfect photos of yourself will take plenty of trial and error, but for a good cause. Once you find your angles, your ideal lighting, and the shots you enjoy taking most: You will be taking nudes all the time. READ MORE...

Can friends really be sexual with each other? What will happen?
 

There are some unknowns when asking friends to play with you, and if the conversation has never been brought up, then I would advise against broaching that topic. BUT we are sexual beings, and sometimes the curiosity gets the best of us. READ MORE...

How can we stay safe and protected during group play?
 

First things first: you’ll need different kinds of protection for different kinds of threesomes. It may seem obvious, but it bears mentioning: if you’re having an all-female orgy without any strap-ons [...], forget the condoms and load up on dental dams and lube. Though oral sex carries less risk than penetrative sex [...] READ MORE...

What should I do if I start to have feelings for a play partner?
 

It’s very unrealistic to think that you or your partner won’t have feelings come up at some point — even if you think you’ll be fine going into any given scenario. The trick is addressing them as soon as they come up. Make sure the foundation of communication in your relationship is a safe one: READ MORE...

answered by Lexi Sylver
We feel ready to get kinky but we have no idea where to start. Help!
 

While someone pulling hair in broad daylight would really hurt, it can be a staple in BDSM activities. Combined with a stream of endorphins from sexual activity, hair pulling — if done right — is really hot. READ MORE...

Swinger parties seem like so much fun, but we’re worried about getting caught up in drama in our local Lifestyle scene. How do we avoid drama?
 

Drama in the Lifestyle can ensue when people don’t know what they don’t know. Often, they’ve already stumbled out of the gate and realized that their enjoyment and sexual engagement with others in the Lifestyle requires a lot more communication skills than they’re used to. There is a lot at stake for couples: emotional intimacy, assets, family, and friends. READ MORE...

answered by Dr Cari Oneal
How do we know when we’re ready to explore open relationships?
 

The erotic lifestyle can be a spiritual gift that takes your relationship to new depths of emotional and psychological connection as we reveal core aspects of ourselves through the language of sexuality. Mutual consent, unconventionality, organic, raw, spontaneity, creativity, imagination, and fantasy — all good. Awesome, right? Yes … AND … Here’s what’s also true, but often not respected as much as it needs to be: READ MORE...

What are some questions we can ask a new couple to help determine if they're a good fit for us?
 

Hooray, you have made it to the point of meeting a new couple and are ready to see where things go! Assuming you've exchanged pleasantries on the basics, what does your quality time together consist of, or how do you make sure you are on the same page? READ MORE...

Should we be using condoms during blowjobs at play parties?
 

Does a blowjob while wearing a condom suck a little bit? There’s a certain amount of awesome inherent in a blowjob. Does a condom reduce it? Yeah, a little. Does a dental dam detract from the glory that is pussy licking? Yeah, for both parties, a little. Does it keep you from getting diseases that may literally kill you? Yeah, a lot. READ MORE...

Is there a right way to have casual sex in the lifestyle?
 

Most people have experienced casual sex in one form or another. Whether it’s a one-night stand or dating possibility, most of us engage in casual sex for a variety of reasons. If you’ve thought about having casual sex, but just don’t know how it will affect you and your sexual future... READ MORE...

answered by Marla Stewart
What is hotwifing, and do you need to be married to do it?
 

In a Twitter poll, some people took to identifying what was hot and others took to identifying what a wife was. Welcome to the subjective area, folks — hold on tight, because this one could get bumpy. READ MORE...

What should we do if my husband loses his hard-on during sex with other people?
 

Let’s face it: Our bodies don’t always cooperate with us. For men whose erections disappear at an inopportune time, the stress and discomfort can be overwhelming; but it doesn’t have to be. READ MORE...

answered by Dr. Jess

MEET OUR EXPERTS

Our team of educators, doctors, psychologists, coaches, and more professionals are here to answer your questions about swinging, relationships, sexual health, and more.
Check out all our SDC contributors here.

Cooper S Beckett

Julieta Chiara

ASN Entertainment, LLC

Dr. Jay and Liseth

Marla Stewart

Maddy V

Dr. Jess

Lexi Sylver

Dragonfly

Dr Cari Oneal

Dan and Lacy

Evolve Your Intimacy

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