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Eat Me Like This

To really get inside and understand a woman — to eat them up — you must think like a woman.

Men, I know what you’re thinking and STOP! Get your mind out of the gutter. Let’s start off with the emotional side of things. Woman have a lot more layers than you, emotionally. We reflect, we use emotions in most decisions, and we only think with one head (sorry boys, it’s just not in your DNA to do this, but you get to pee standing up, so stop complaining).

To really get inside and understand a woman — to eat us up — you must think like a woman. Open up those minds of yours and use all of the files you have versus keeping them compartmentalized. That’s how we think — one issue at a time. However, don’t get discouraged about my gender; this is one of our amazing and beautiful attributes.


Read Between the Lines


Do any of you really think “I’m fine” means we’re fine? Always read between the lines. “I’m fine” means something is wrong and odds are, you’ve done something we are not happy with. When this happens, we A) don’t want to cause a fight or B) want you to figure it out on your own. Inquire as to what is bothering us and don’t give up. Even if it takes a while. Just don’t be pushy or mean about it because if we are already upset, you don’t want it to get worse.


The Little Things


Us women, we are peacemakers, and can’t help it. Please understand that we don’t want to fight; however, sometimes things just need to be said. Yes, it is important to us that you put down the toilet seat or come on, at least rinse your plate off when you leave it in the sink. Dirty clothes go where? In the hamper. Here’s a common occurrence you can easily avoid: if she says take out the trash, TAKE OUT THE TRASH! You will probably get caught up in doing something else and forget, but she hasn’t forgotten. You need to know that, in her mind, she’s been wondering this whole time how long before you finally remember. Big things are nice, but the small things that don’t cost a penny mean a lot to us.


Sometimes, It’s Not You — It’s Us


Now when it comes to “the bedroom”… we don’t think about “it” 24/7 it’s more like 18/5. Hey, a girl’s gotta sleep. God apparently punished us with lower testosterone levels so we might not be as horny as you. So understand that it’s not you — it’s us. For real, it’s our chemical make-up, we have less of the horny hormone, testosterone. Don’t get me wrong, you can get our engines revving (refer to the last paragraph for hints) and there are some woman with very high sex drives and if you find her and she doesn’t cause you a mental break down, don’t let her go (and try to keep up)!


Our Bodies


When it comes to physically understanding us, please note that we did not choose our bodies and what shape or form they take. Love us how we are and oh boy we will love you back. Also, when pregnant, what happens to our body isn’t our fault. I wonder if God is laughing his butt off at this cruel joke or planning to give us ladies a huge reward once in heaven (I’m hoping for the latter). If I get reincarnated, I’m coming back as a sea horse. Yup, I do NOT mind my sea horse husband carrying the child.

With pregnancy, some women’s bodies bounce right back, and some don’t. Some get stretch marks (or as we ladies like to call them, beauty marks, war wounds, etc.) and we can’t do anything about that; however, it doesn’t mean you should look at us any different than before. Just realize carrying OUR child takes a toll on our body and when you love me for me, wow will we love you back.

You guys claim, “size doesn’t matter,” and just as you can’t pick your penis size, we cannot pick the size of our breasts, butt and/or hips (OK, OK, there is plastic surgery for us). Each woman is unique and beautiful in her own special way. Love her for who she is on the inside as well as the outside. She’s loving you and your flaws — yes, you have them because come on, you’re not all Gerard Butler in 300 (although that would be my heaven #justsaying).


Pay Attention & Acknowledge Us


Last but not least, understand how much we love. We would go to the ends of the earth for the ones we love. We would jump in front of a bullet to save them. We cry when things are sad, happy, and scary. We wear our emotions on our sleeve, but at the same time are as strong as… well, the strongest thing. We give to you, our children, and our families and friends things we may want but know they need more.


We Are Amazing


Us women are beautiful smart creatures. We are lawyers, doctors, journalists, moms, wives, radio hosts, and more. We are creative, artistic, loving, compassionate, strong, and more. Once you truly understand how amazing we are then the sooner you will appreciate and understand all that we are capable of, and that includes being incredibly loving towards you (in and out of bed).

To understand us is to love us. That’s all we ask for. Well that and honesty, trustworthiness, being a hard worker who is also tender yet knows when to give us that hard pounding in bed we crave from time to time.

There’s more I can share, but I don’t want to overwhelm you in one post. This is just the beginning, so stick with me, and I promise you — you’ll understand us.

By Holli Bell for ASN Lifestyle Magazine


This article originally appeared in the June 2019 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.


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