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Mastering Your Modern Dating Game
Webinar hosted by Victoria Joseph of ENMMATCHMAKER
Every so often someone shows up with a very specific kind of expertise, and the room leans in. Victoria is a professional matchmaker and a dating strategist for men who specializes in open relationships, and she is the first certified matchmaker working in this particular relationship dynamic. Three years into the industry, she has developed strong opinions about what works, what quietly kills your chances, and why so much of it comes down to your photos.
Her advice applies across the board, because branding yourself, presenting yourself online, planning the date, being on the date and following up afterward are skills everyone can use. Here is what she shared.
What People Wanted to Know
When attendees signed up, they left notes about what they were hoping to learn. One person asked how to be a successful single male in the lifestyle, which Victoria cheerfully admitted is an enormous subject. She promised to cover the arc from dating profile to date to post-date, and floated the idea of a part two, because she genuinely wants to help more men do this well.
Other requests were just as practical: How to connect with others in ethically non-monogamous relationships, how to message couples and women on the platform, a general appetite for good tips, new perspectives, fresh ideas, and permission to simply watch and learn. If that last one is you, Victoria says you are in exactly the right place.
Your Profile Is Your First Impression
Victoria's framing is simple. You are marketing yourself. You are branding yourself. Your profile is you, and for most people it is the very first impression you make.
That is why she starts with photos rather than words. Before anyone reads a clever line in your bio, they have already formed an opinion based on what they can see. And because impressions form fast, the goal is not perfection. The goal is a profile that makes someone feel curious and comfortable at the same time.
Visual Honesty Comes First
Victoria's top principle is visual honesty. Use recent photos, ideally from the last six months to a year. If your look has changed noticeably, whether that is a new haircut, a new color, weight loss, weight gain or new muscle, update your pictures. Someone should be able to see your photos and then recognize you across a room.
That means no heavy filters and no aggressive editing. Professional retouching is fine, and Victoria notes that people who invest in a proper photo shoot tend to get noticeably more attention. Photographers are everywhere, and you can simply tell them you want a lifestyle shoot capturing this chapter of your life. Wine, coffee, the outdoors, whatever you actually enjoy. Photos that look considered draw more likes and more replies, because effort reads as interest.
Her shortcut for anyone unsure how to present themselves: look the way you would look on a first date. Get dressed up. Show up as the version of you that walks into the room.
Show Your Eyes, Your Smile and Your Whole Self
Faces do the heavy lifting. Victoria wants to see your eyes, which means going easy on sunglasses and hats, and she wants a real smile with teeth in it. She also recommends a mix of face shots and full body shots so people get an honest sense of you.
She is warmly realistic about privacy. Plenty of members cover their faces with stickers or blurring for very good reasons, and she respects that completely. Just know the tradeoff: you will get less attention, so you will need to do more outreach and write a message that carries the personality your photo cannot.
Lighting matters more than most people realize. Bad light can make you look exhausted or slightly unhinged, and it will highlight things you never intended to highlight. Natural light is nearly foolproof. A good photographer will find your angles and your best lighting for you.
The Small Things That Quietly Cost You
A few of Victoria's rules are non-negotiable. No photos of children. No photos of family members. Pets get a pass if the shot is intentional and flattering, since a well-composed picture with your dog can be a genuine bonding point for someone who loves animals too.
Then there is the mirror selfie problem. If the mirror is smudged and the counter behind you is covered in clutter, that is the message people receive. Fair or not, mess reads as unclean, and it's one of the fastest ways to lose someone's interest. Good mirror photos absolutely exist. Just clean the glass, clear the background, and look at the frame before you post it.
Put the Life You Want in the Frame
One of her most useful pieces of advice is to take pictures of yourself doing the things you would like to do more of, and ideally the things you would love to do alongside another couple or a partner. On a boat, on a lifestyle vacation, or out for the evening. Your photos become a soft invitation rather than a résumé.
Sexy photos are welcome, she says, as long as they are flattering and tasteful. If you are not sure how to get there, she recommends a boudoir shoot. Nothing has drawn more attention to her own profile, and it doubles as a lovely gift and a bonding experience. Some photographers are comfortable capturing more intimate moments, so look for someone in your community who is sex-positive and will honor your vision. Her reasoning is worth remembering: couples like other couples who clearly love each other. A hug, a hand on a waist, an easy laugh together. Warmth photographs beautifully.
Quality Over Quantity
Victoria is firmly on the side of a tight, well-chosen gallery. You do not need fifty pictures. Ten tasteful, well-lit, genuinely representative photos will serve you far better, because a single weak image can undo the good work of the rest.
And if photos are simply not your strength, that is worth knowing about yourself. It just means your in-person game needs to carry more weight, which is its own art form and one that anyone who attends events already appreciates. Online is usually the first step, though, so it is worth getting right.
Intimate Photos, Consent and the Art of the Tease
Victoria addressed explicit photos directly, and her guidance comes down to consent first. Never send an intimate photo that has not been requested. It is off-putting, it feels like an intrusion, and it makes people feel their eyes have been assaulted rather than delighted. Keep that content in your adults-only folder where someone chooses to open it.
If you do share, make it tasteful and make it intentional. Her advice is that suggestion beats display every time: a hint, a silhouette, mesh rather than nothing, a tease rather than a full reveal. Lighting, framing and confidence do far more for a photo than proximity does. The same thinking that makes a good portrait makes a good intimate shot. Someone chose to look, so give them something worth looking at.
What to Take Away
Victoria closed the photo portion by inviting attendees to bring a line or two from their own bios so she could offer feedback and suggestions on how to spruce them up. That offer says a lot about her approach. This is not about becoming someone else. It is about presenting the real you clearly, warmly and honestly, then letting the right people recognize themselves in it.
Be recent. Be recognizable. Be clean, be lit, be smiling. Show the life you want more of, ask before you share anything explicit, and choose ten great photos over fifty forgettable ones. The rest, as she puts it, is about learning to be great in this space.
Original webinar was live-streamed on SDC.com on Tuesday, February 10, 2026 11:00am CST / 12:00pm EST
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