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Compersion Isn’t the Opposite of Jealousy
You’ve probably heard the word compersion floating around in ethical non-monogamy circles — often described as “the opposite of jealousy.” But that’s not exactly true.
In this video, I break down what compersion really is, why not everyone feels it, and why you don’t have to in order to have healthy, loving, non-monogamous relationships.
We’ll explore:
- What compersion feels like (and what it doesn’t)
- Why it’s not a requirement for successful ENM
- How to handle emotions when compersion doesn’t come naturally
- The role of self-awareness and radical honesty in developing deeper connection
Whether you're new to ENM or deep in your journey, this one’s for you. Grab the African-American Guide for Ethical Non-Monogamy Workbook for tools, prompts, and guidance at OrganicLoven. Or book your FREE 20-minute Clarity Call with me at OrganicLoven. See my banner below for links to these resources and more.
Transcription
Hey, sexy people! If you're new to ethical non-monogamy, you've probably heard people say, 'I just wanna feel compersion,' or maybe you heard someone kind of bragging like, 'I'm never jealous. I'm totally compersive.' Let's talk about a word that gets tossed around a lot in the world of ethical non-monogamy — compersion.
Hi, I'm Taylor Sparks, your ethical non-monogamy coach and sex goddess. So, let's slow this down just a bit.
Because, while compersion can be beautiful, it's not a requirement, and it's definitely not a badge of honor. Compersion is often described as the opposite of jealousy, but that's not quite accurate. It's more like this — compersion is that warm, happy feeling you get when someone that you really care about is experiencing joy, especially in a romantic or sexual connection with someone else. Think of it like emotional generosity, like, 'wow, my partner is so lit up after their date; I'm genuinely happy for them.' That's compersion.
But, let me be clear — not everyone feels it, and not everyone feels it all the time. And that's OK. Just like not everyone feels jealousy in the same way, not everyone experiences compersion in the same way, either. It's not some magical emotion, you know, that you unlock when you're "doing ethical non-monogamy" and "doing it the right way." Some people feel neutral; some feel joy and fear at the same time because, you know, we're not monolithical, right? Some only feel compersion after lots of communication, processing, and trust-building, and you're not broken if compersion doesn't come naturally, and your relationship is not doomed without it. What matters more is how you manage your emotions, how you communicate, and how you hold space for your partner and for yourself. But compersion is something that we have done before.
For example, let's say your best friend is up for a VP role at work and they really, really want it. Year one: they get turned down. Year two: they get turned down. Year three: they call you and say, 'I got it. I got the VP position, more money, more everything.' Now, you know how much it's meant to them, and you being their friend, are generally happy for them, if not even happier for them. That is compersion.
So, when it does show up in your romantic relationships, compersion can be a beautiful tool for connection. It can help ease tension, reduce comparison, and actually deepen your own feelings of intimacy, but it has to be authentic. You can't force yourself to feel compersion just because, you know, you read about it in a book or heard someone on TikTok or Facebook talk about it. It's not a performance, it's an invitation. And like everything in ethical non-monogamy, it's a practice.
If you're navigating these kinds of emotional shifts, whether solo or partnered, I've got support for you. My ethical non-monogamy workbook walks you through tools for emotional awareness, communication, and mindset shifts like compersion. You can also feel free to book a free, twenty-minute clarity call with me, you know, if you're ready to explore coaching, you can get personalized guidance. And, of course, my DMs are always open if you just want to ask me a quick question, because honestly, your journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Just like compersion, it's yours to define. So, until next time, your love, your rules, and your freedom. Bye-bye.
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