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You Don’t Need to “Learn Ethical Non-Monogamy”
Let’s get something clear — ethical non-monogamy isn’t a skill set you just “learn.” It’s not a lifestyle you copy and paste.
Whether you’re solo, partnered, or in a throuple… what determines your success in any relationship isn’t the structure — it’s you. Your self-awareness. Your communication skills. Your emotional maturity. And your ability to hold your truth — even when it’s not easy. In this video, I break down: why ENM isn’t the solution to a broken monogamous relationship; what most people are avoiding when they jump into non-monogamy; how I coach people to become emotionally responsible, not just ethically “open;” and why learning yourself is the first step in every love style.
Grab the African-American Guide for Ethical Non-Monogamy Workbook for tools, prompts, and guidance at OrganicLoven. Or book your FREE 20-minute Clarity Call with me at OrganicLoven. See my banner below for links to these resources and more.
Transcription
I get asked all the time: 'So, you teach people how to be ethically non-monogamous?' And the short answer is, no. No, I don't. Let's clear this up right now, but before I go deeper, hi, I'm Taylor Sparks, ethical non-monogamy coach, sex goddess, and a bit of a relationship rebel, but in the best way.
So no, I'm not here to teach you how to "do" ethical non-monogamy. I'm here to help you become better at being you in any relationship structure that aligns with your truth, whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, swinging, polygynous, polyandrous, or somewhere on a fluid spectrum. It's not the love style that determines your success — it's how you show up within it. The truth is, your relationship structure doesn't make you mature. It doesn't make you ethical. It doesn't make you ready. What determines your success is your ability to clearly communicate your needs, wants, and desires, your willingness to manage your emotions — especially the tough ones, like jealousy, insecurity, or fear of abandonment. Your courage should be radically honest, even when, you know, that truth might disappoint someone. Your capacity to have conversations without blaming your partner for things you never expressed. Your skill in showing up with clarity without shrinking or pretending. That's what builds sustainable relationships, no matter how many people are involved.
When I work with individuals, couples, or throuples, I'm not coaching them on how to be non-monogamous, and let's be real — some of you are struggling in monogamous relationships and think that switching to non-monogamy or avoiding commitment altogether will, you know, somehow magically make you a better partner. But here's the truth — it's not them. It's you. If you can't communicate clearly with one partner, you're not suddenly going to thrive with two or three. If you avoid hard conversations in monogamy, you'll drown in non-monogamy. Changing the structure without changing or improving the skills only multiplies the chaos. Non-monogamy doesn't fix poor boundaries, unhealed wounds, or emotional immaturity. It just amplifies whatever you bring into it.
I'm coaching them on how to become emotionally responsible adults, how to hold their own boundaries, and how to ask for what they want without guilt. How to unlearn shame, stop people pleasing, and start honoring themselves in their relationships. And yes, that work is powerful, whether you're ethically non-monogamous or monogamish or even monogamous and just curious. This is personal development with a relationship lens, and let's get something straight. This ethical non-monogamy "thing" is not new. It didn't start with TikTok or poly hashtags. Multi-parted relationships have existed long before Christ walked the earth. Long before religious institutions redefined love. Long before colonization and Western culture narrowed acceptable love to one man, one woman, one house, one forever. In fact, many of us come from cultures where non-monogamy was accepted, respected, even expected. And in many parts of the world, it still exists in its truest forms. So what you're doing isn't rebellious. It's not shameful. It's aligned with your body, your truth, your desires.
So no, I'm not here to teach you how to be ethically non-monogamous because you don't need a step-by-step on how to have multiple relationships. What you do need, and what most of us were never taught, is how to communicate with courage, handle your emotions without spiraling, having hard conversations without losing connection. Stand in your power without apology. That's what I'm here to help you do.
If you're ready to go deeper, my ethical non-monogamy workbook is a powerful place to start. It's packed with real-world prompts, mindset tools, and clarity-building exercises for solo folks, couples, throuples, and more. And if you want personalized support, book a free 20-minute clarity call with me. Let's talk about what's working, what's not, and how to get there when you want to go. My DMs are also open if you have a quick question. And I'm here for you. Because your love, well, it doesn't have to look like anyone else's, and it sure as hell doesn't have to follow anyone's rules but your own. Until next time, your love, your roots, and your freedom. Bye-bye.
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