I've been thinking a lot about love and hope and joy lately. Which is interesting in dark times like this. But in such darkness, we need love, hope, and joy all the more.
When Dylan and I started Life on the Swingset, we modeled it off of the sadly now defunct Sex is Fun! hosted by Kidder Kaper.
That show's title said all. In a world where we talk about sex as dirty or evil, where so much conflict, even full wars are fought over sex, we must remember that Sex IS Fun. Because fun is what allows us to push at the boundaries of our narrow world and grow.
I've said before that the single most important decision I ever made was to open up. That has lead to so many greater truths about who I am and how I move through the world. It has taught me greater empathy and understanding, and recognition of similarities and differences in all people.
But of all the things it has taught me, none is more important than the value of love.
Love in the Darkness
"Love is at the root at everything, all learning, all relationships, love or the lack of it." – Fred Rogers
As darkness crashes down upon us from every direction, at every moment, from every system designed by our founders to protect us, we need hope and love more than we ever have.
We wander through the darkness, lashing out at one another because everything is awful, so we may as well be, too. Some things we say are true; many are just a result of the pain of being human in an inhumane time
In the Cradle of Love
Ever since The Swingset Takes Desire last year, since I spent that time in a cradle of love and acceptance and joy and support, I want nothing more than to spread this gospel.
We, the scared, the tired, the compassionate, the empathetic, the gay, the queer, the bi, the trans, the asexual, the pansexual, the omnisexual, the straight, the curious, the tops, the bottoms, the Doms, the subs.
We are so much more alike than we are different. And we share a common enemy. The status quo. The prejudice of tyranny. The notion that sex SHOULD NOT be fun. That STIs are punishment. That carrying a pregnancy you don't want is punishment for your audacity to fuck.
But we need that audacity. I'm not a "Love one another regardless of how they treat you" person. I'm happy to give a big high fuck you in your awful face to the nazis and the racists and the corrupt cops, politicians, ICE agents, fascists, and those supporting fascists.
But "love one another" is important, has value. I have value. You have value. You are deserving of love. You are deserving of respect. You are deserving of joy. Even when all is dark around us, we must be the light. For ourselves and for each other.
It is so easy (as I demonstrate time and time again) to fall into the darkness and negativity. To believe that all hope is lost. But as a hobbit once said, “There is good in this world, and it's worth fighting for."
Beacons in the Fight
Not all of us can stand on the front lines; not all of us can be visibly who we truly are. But we can love. We can demonstrate love, affection, compassion, sex. We can live.
There is nothing the right, the straights, want more than to keep us, the aberrants, the perverts, the libertines, the dirty ones fighting. Because as we fight, they fight, too, and they are all against us. We stand together, or we die alone.
And the best way we can start standing together is to light that beacon of hope and joy and love. Because when the beacons start to light, we will push back the darkness.
Always remember, the difference between us and them, is we want everybody who is not bringing harm to anyone else, to experience whatever their joy is. That not bringing harm part is the key.
They will ask, “if you can discriminate against me for my feelings about you, why can't I discriminate against you?" The argument falls apart for the simple reason that intolerance of intolerance is not intolerance. We are the side that wants people to have more, not less.
Share Your Love
So take your moment. Share your love. With anybody and everybody. Because love is not only for romantic relationships. Love is for all those you share your life with, be it friendly, romantic, sexual, playful, or the simplest interactions in your daily life.
I love you all. I love those of you who try, whether you feel you are succeeding or not. I love those who live their truths.
I will continue to try to live mine.
Be a beacon.
This article is an excerpt from my book, My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory.