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Have You Tried to Get a Little Kinky Lately?

When was the last time you tried a new sexual move to really turn your partner on? How invested are you in trying something new and different?

When was the last time you tried a new sexual move to really turn your partner on? How invested are you in trying something new and different?

​Sometimes, we all get a little stuck in doing the same things in bed over and over again and though it’s arousing at the time, the need to switch up. It happens to all of us. And of course, we all know the need of foreplay and its important role.

​But, what if you had an extensive type of foreplay? Or what if the foreplay was an intentional, consensual act that was named and boundaries were established and thought through thoroughly?


What does BDSM mean to you?


For me, kink has those elements. It’s not just about being freaky, but really thinking about all your boundaries at-hand. Most of us know what a little kink is -- a spank here, a slap there, scratches everywhere. Or some of us might think that kink is a little more than we can handle and aren’t really prepared for where it might take our minds.

​More recently, being kinky means that you are engaged in the BDSM world. BDSM stand for

​|BD| - Bondage/Discipline
|Ds| - Domination/Submission
|SM| - Sadism/Masochism


Just a spank here and there...


But at the same time, you don’t have to identify as a kinkster to engage in BDSM or do kinky things. Known BDSM behaviour -- such as spanking -- can be extremely titillating because there are so many feelings that are brought up during the interaction. You can reflect about how you feel about them spanking you, about your feelings of spanking someone else, what kind of memories it brings up, and being focused enough to be absorbed in the moment. You can think about what your body parts feel like, what the pain and/or pleasure that you’re experiencing feels like or how you can stand to push yourself to your own erotic limits.


Teach your lover about kink.


Teaching your lover about kink can be just as sexy. Thinking about how you want to engage with your lover and how you can inflict good pain that heightens your arousal levels will help you reach towards actively engaging with your sexual life. Knowing your lover’s limits and not knowing your lover’s limits can be an eye-opening experience, especially if you find yourself really loving the act of engaging with your lover on a new level.


Move past traumas with a little BDSM.


Being engaged with kink can also have the effects of healing past traumas, as well. Active role-playing lets you place yourself where you know those hurtful feelings are harbored and move beyond them towards peace and healing in your own life. It’s only when we’re healed that we are able to heal others, especially on this journey called life.




So, with that said, I encourage you to look into kink, participate in some kinky action and see what you like. We’re not all Fifty Shades of Grey, but it’s nice to get some redness and bruising every once in a while. xoxo, Marla

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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