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Strap-On School for Vaginas

When I talk to people who use and experience strap-ons, there’s always the strap-on debate.

When I talk to people who use and experience strap-ons, there’s always the strap-on debate. Questions like: “What is too big?” “What harness is good for me?” and “What’s the best sexual position to be in?” All of these questions spark interest and concern. Whether you’re the one enveloping (being penetrated) or being enveloped (penetrating), the strap-on can be powerful and pleasurable or pathetic and painful. It’s up to you which one you want to experience.

For those who envelop (are penetrated):


Keep the lube handy.


Whether your vagina gets wet easily or not, it’s always nice to keep lube handy. When you have it handy, it’s less pressure for you to get wet naturally. And sometimes there’s nothing sexier than when you rub the lube on your hands and rub it on them while maintaining eye contact and a seductive smile. To ensure a good time on your end, make sure that you use a water-based lube that is glycerin- and paraben-free. I would recommend a vegan-friendly, organic lube because these lubes will not agitate your vagina or cause a yeast infection. And ain’t nobody got time for a yeast infection. I personally love Bedroom Kandi’s collection of organic, glycerin- and paraben-free lubes.


Know what size you can take in.


The average vaginal length is 4 inches, so some vaginas are going to be shorter, while other ones will be longer. When your vagina is aroused, it balloons near the cervix, so there’s definitely a little bit of extra room if you need it. Just be sure to speak up or adjust yourself if the strap-on hits your cervix because not only is it painful, but you can cause some really serious damage. Some of us love to feel full, while others just love the feeling on our G-spots, so figure out what sizes would be best for your vagina.


Experiment with different positions.


When you experiment with different positions, you can choose which ones will give you the best pleasure and/or the best orgasm. Depending on the size of the strap-on, there are certain positions that allow you more room for penetration as your cervix shifts, so make sure you try them all!


Recognize your G-spot.


No one should know your G-spot better than you, so get in tune with that spongy tissue that will possibly make your life more exciting. Once you know where and how to stimulate your G-spot, you can communicate to your partner about how to arouse that fantastical spot. And if you’re lucky enough, the release when you ejaculate from your G-spot stimulation will be filled with wonders, excitement and will perpetually pique you and your partner’s curiosities.

For those who get enveloped (penetrate):


The right harness is necessary.


With every stroke, you need to make sure that you don’t have any pain or discomfort when your harness is being put to work. A comfortable harness is a harness that you barely recognize is there. If you need a new harness, check out the ones at MySpare.com, which have had some rave reviews by women and men who love them.


Have different sizes handy.


This is a dream come true to any woman who is being penetrated. The reason is simple: Depending on the size of her vagina, you can feel free to have the confidence that you have whatever size she needs to maximize her pleasure. And when she’s happy, you will be happy, as well. Remember that most women prefer girth over length, so make sure you choose wisely.


Keep an arsenal of moves in the back of your brain.


There are plenty of books around that show you various sexual positions and it’s good to keep about 5-10 in your brain. Most people feel comfortable with 3, but if you know more than that, not only will come off as confident, you will probably be labeled a connoisseur. Keep them guessing about which move will be the next in line to experience the knowledge you possess.


Use protection/Keep it clean.


Silicone dildos are best when it comes to strap-on sex because they can be easily cleaned, they have a good amount of stiffness and dexterity, and they are non-porous, which means that bacteria can’t fester in the material. If you’re having sex with multiple partners, condom use is necessary in order not to spread bacteria and infections. Make sure that you keep the condom lubricated with water-based, glycerin- and paraben-free lube and after sex, make sure you wash your dildo with hot water and soap. Bacteria can also fester in harnesses, so make sure you keep those clean as well.




Remember, all it takes is practice to perfect the art of strap-on sex! And don’t worry: I didn’t forget about anal sex…we’ll tackle that one next time! xoxo, Marla

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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