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Women! Stop Waiting for Your Orgasms!

Penetration can be fun, and it can even lead to orgasm, but for the most part, a lot of women don’t experience orgasm through penetration.

Generally, about 80% of women do not have orgasms through penetrative sex. 

So, what does this mean?

Logically, it means women need to have other kinds of sex besides penetration. Penetration can be fun, and it can even lead to orgasm, but for the most part, a lot of women don’t experience orgasm through penetration. In fact, with some women, they may even rush you to penetration because they probably know that sex might be over at that point and they just want to get it over with.


And this is why I do the work that I do. Women need to have orgasms. Maybe you don’t know the benefits of orgasm, but for the most part, a lot of people know the benefits of orgasm. Lately, I’ve been getting questions from women about improving their sex life with their male partners. The problem is that they aren’t having orgasms and haven’t had orgasms in 10+ years with their partners.

I don’t know about you, but not having orgasms for over 10+ years is a non-negotiable for me, and this should also be a non-negotiable for other women, as well. A lot of heterosexual women think that their body is there for men and that their sexual pleasure is rooted in the man’s pleasure. The fact of the matter is: men need women’s orgasms. Men need women’s orgasms in order to grow bonds with them so they don’t cheat. Men need women’s orgasms because it can help with their sexual confidence (and, in turn, can help foster their own sexual pleasure). Men need women’s orgasms because it makes them feel useful and can help them focus (even outside the bedroom).

However, men aren’t the focus for this article.

Women NEED Orgasms

Even though men benefit greatly from women’s orgasms, women fare much better when they are having orgasms.

Women need orgasms because it helps us stay younger. Women need orgasms because it helps stimulate our brains. Women need orgasms because it helps to prolong your life. Women need orgasms because it can help us with stress and sleep. Women need orgasms because it can help with pain (try masturbating to orgasm when you have menstrual cramps). Women need orgasms because it may help them from cheating on their partner. 

The problem is that women don’t prioritize their orgasm. They may find sexual pleasure when they are engaging in various sexual acts, but if they don’t come to orgasm, something in them starts to fade. There’s something powerful about the orgasm that transcends the bedroom (or wherever you’re having sex). The ability to tap into the energy of the universe and a touch of enlightenment or manifesting your fantasies while coming to orgasm is pure magic and I want every person, especially every woman, to experience the magic in orgasm.

Orgasms are Necessary

Now, not every sexuality educator agrees with me. Some sex educators say that engaging in sex is all you need to experience the benefits, and having an orgasm is just an extra bonus.

I disagree.

Orgasm is a necessity for connection. Orgasm is a necessity for getting the love you want and desire. Orgasm is a necessity for growth and progress. 

Can you live without an orgasm? Sure. Would you want to? I don’t think so. There are too many benefits that you’d be missing out on if you’re not having orgasms.

So, if you’re not having orgasms through penetrative sex, you need to change it up, get to know your body, and figure out how to climax to the best of your abilities. Cheers to your sexual success!

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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