Go Beyond Your Sexual Comfort Zone

There’s something that’s been stuck in my head regarding the way we move through life, and in particular, how we move through our sexual life.

After attending a business seminar (Peak Potentials’ Reignite Seminar) a few weeks ago, there’s something that’s been stuck in my head regarding the way we move through life, and in particular, how we move through our sexual life.

Comfort Zone Becomes Everything Zone

Adam Markel, who led the business seminar states, “Our comfort zone is our ‘everything’ zone.” In essence, most of the time, we do things that feel comfortable to us and we move along in the world making sure that we are always in comfortable circumstances. Some of us rarely move beyond our comfort zone because we fear the unknown. Some of us rarely take chances that could change our lives forever or that could help us evolve in various ways. Not only does this happen in our daily life, but it happens in our sex lives as well.

I know that most of you will know what I’m talking about when I talk about a “sexual comfort zone.” Monogamous couples know this zone too well, as it becomes a place of true comfort and assured orgasm (a lot of the time). Being in your sexual comfort zone can also be detrimental to your sexual life (and your life in general) because often times, your sexual comfort zone can become boring. Maybe you’ve found yourself in a situation where you find yourself doing the same things, making the same sounds or knowing which move comes after the next? Maybe you find yourself fantasizing about some other person or some other situation that helps to be the catalyst to get you off?

Go Beyond Your Sexual Comfort Zone

The thing about this situation is that you can change this. You can change by getting out of your sexual comfort zone. Don’t wait until your lover says something or confirms what you already know. Instead, offer up some strategies that would help you two get out of your comfort zone and truly rely on each other’s sexual prowess to explore something new. Maybe one of you is a novice when it comes to a new idea and maybe the other isn’t.  Regardless, the true teamwork lies in helping each other discover something new about each other.

There are plenty of ways that you can go beyond your sexual comfort zone, but here are a few:

You Can Roleplay

Role-playing is becoming more and more popular because of all the various sexual ideas that are out and about and in the public eye now. You can do everything from pretending you are someone else to dressing up in a way that you wouldn’t normally dress. This might even require you tapping into an alter ego and stretching yourself into a world unknown.

Learn About an Alternative Community

There are several different alternative sexual communities, such as spiritual sexualities, BDSM sexualities, polyamorous sexualities or even swinging sexualities. Whether it’s discovering tantra through sacred sexualities or trying some light BDSM behavior, you can learn new things in the bedroom that can excite you in different ways. Even just learning about how other people navigate their sexuality can be something you can apply to yourself.

Research Your Favorite Sexual Positions

Everyone has a favorite sexual position, but chances are that they don’t know too much about them. Before you go running to the Kama Sutra and seeing more about why it is that you like that position so much, do some inner soul-searching. What exactly is it that you like about that position? Is it the way it feels? Is it the way it looks in the mirror? Is it the noises that the sexual position incites? Ask yourself why you love it so much and see if there’s another position that would have the same answers. This way, you can try those moves the next time you have sex and reevaluate the position again.

Getting out of your sexual comfort zone can be uncomfortable at first, but the best thing about it is that you will always learn something from it, and there’s no denying that kind of education.

Marla Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator. Not only is she a lecturer at Clayton State University, she is also the co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference and the Sexual Liberation Collective. Gaining her reputation for being "The Sex Architect", she created Velvet Lips to empower people of all ages to embrace, educate and enjoy their sexuality and their sexual lives. She has studied human sexuality for more than 16 years at San Francisco State University and Georgia State University, respectively, and has expert knowledge in a wide variety of subjects. She has published academic articles and continues to do sexuality research. She has conducted workshops at conferences, not-for-profit and private organizations, as well as universities in the Atlanta area. She has been featured on many radio shows, documentaries, books, magazines and has been invited to speak at Universities around the country. She also sits on the board for the Atlanta Harm Reduction Coalition and SPARK Reproductive Justice Now!
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