Drama in the Lifestyle
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Webinar hosted by Adam and Pris of BEYONDMONOGAMY
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room — drama in the lifestyle is real, and pretending it isn’t doesn’t help anyone. Join Adam and Pris live on SDC for a candid, unscripted conversation about the conflicts, miscommunications, and emotional curveballs that come with living outside the box.
Honesty Is Your Responsibility
A listener asked about an MFM encounter with someone who turned out to be married. Adam and Pris were clear: you're responsible for your own honesty, and if they claimed to be single, that lie is their problem, not yours.
Pris calls herself "not a very trusting person" and vets anyone Adam gets involved with, while Adam takes people at face value. Both "don't like liars" or drama and will walk away at the first sign of either. As they put it, "that drama is thickness, and I'm not talking the good thickness."
Looking back, they admit they lacked emotional intelligence early on. With experience, they realized the real goal was connecting with people and making good friends.
Friendship First, Play Second
For four-way couple connections, Pris is very selective. She won't play with anyone who calls themselves "bi-situational," because she believes you should know beforehand whether you're bi. She is perfectly comfortable, however, with people who identify as bi but haven't had a first experience yet.
Adam says they find couples fairly easily, but they never approach anyone with play as the initial goal. The first test is whether they enjoy the other couple's company and conversation and can "tolerate them in a room." Only after that do they consider "a little sexual something, something."
When it comes to moving from hanging out to something more, the couple flirts openly with each other rather than at others, which invites the other couple to join in naturally. If that doesn't open the door, they get "businesslike," saying something like, "We all know what this is about. We're interested. If you're not, completely understandable, but let's get that out now." They admit Adam has sometimes "jumped the gun."
Meeting People: Go in Person
Asked where couples over 50 can meet others, Adam and Pris recommended SDC. Apps tend to suit younger people, they feel, and empty bios or neck-down photos give no reason to swipe right.
Their core advice is to "go in person." SDC's local listings feature meet-and-greets and house parties, and lifestyle clubs are great for simply talking. Their favorite feels more like a social club than a "sex club," since nudity and play are never required.
Want to suggest a club to your partner? Just ask, and share the club's social media so they can see what it's really like. The key is knowing how your partner works.
Where Drama Comes From
A listener noted that "people are people no matter where you find them," and Adam and Pris agreed. Old taboos around sex and fantasies follow people into the lifestyle, and in such a large, varied community, drama is bound to surface.
Online spaces amplify it. Text has no tone, Adam pointed out, and "everybody's a typewriter tough guy," yet "there's a difference between being honest and just being mean." Their plea is to be the same person online and off: "If you're gonna be a troll, fine, be a troll in person too."
Pris saw how quickly innocent questions get labeled as drama. When she asked a women's group how to handle a drama-prone person, without naming anyone, one member called the question itself drama. Pris blocked her, since asking for advice isn't drama.
Bullies, Mean Girls, and Insecurity
When their first podcast episode dropped, the admin of a popular local swingers group was using her platform to bully people. Pris posted "I don't like bullies," and the admin responded by removing Adam from her groups. Pris then called her out publicly, or as she put it, "I stomped her like a little roach."
The fallout put them at the center of their local community and drew early listeners, but they handled it "with a bit more class" and never discussed it on air.
Pris sees cattiness between women everywhere, including clubs, where newcomers can get snubbed and sometimes you have to "chisel away" the ice. She admits she's been guilty of it too. Adam doubted her until he saw it firsthand.
Responding, Rejecting, and the Grown-Up Test
Listener Oliver finds it rude when people ignore flattering comments, "like not answering your doorbell." Pris admits she rarely replies, since she's often approached by men who assume she's "an easy lay." Adam answers every message, even if it takes a few days, because replying is "a respect thing."
Many newcomers expect easy success, then face rejection, and ghosting only deepens the sting. Adam believes a clear, kind no is basic decency: "You and I, we're not a puzzle piece. We don't fit together."
Another listener noted that you can't tell true grown-ups from people who simply got older "until you go around the block with them a number of times." The reverse is true too. Some people judged Adam from the podcast before meeting him, which is why he urges everyone to "give everybody a shot."
Yin, Yang, and Learning to Say No
Adam and Pris have opposite temperaments. Pris puts up walls quickly and needs people to "win me over," while Adam trusts everybody and calls her "the yin to my yang." Her gut is right "an awful lot of times," he admits, but the few times it wasn't show the value of giving people some leeway.
Balancing their styles, they began playing as individuals as well as a couple, which brought new risks. One woman Adam connected with developed feelings and told her husband, who brought the drama to their doorstep. For Pris, it confirmed why she stays involved: "it's a group thing."
Adam has long struggled to say no, fearing he'll be "the buzz kill," but he's learning that "my feelings are valid." Pris notes that many women were taught to please men, and Adam adds that men often say yes "because I don't know if I'm gonna get another shot." After declaring 2025 "the year of confident Adam," he faked it for months until one day it felt real.
Consent, Respect, and Coming Out
Adam and Pris described a surprising respect problem in the community. Some newcomers act as though manners disappear, making crude comments or grabbing people, believing the lifestyle is "just a key party." Consent must always be asked for, online too. Unsolicited pictures are a common way men "knock themselves out of running," and the couple only shares with people they've met in person and are mutually interested in. Adam's advice to men: be a friend first and see where it goes.
At their club, one husband kept pushing his visibly uncomfortable partner to "get hers out" while Pris was topless. The second time, Pris replied, "how about you first." Their advice to eager men is to "calm down" and make it fun for your partner so she'll want to do more.
For couples considering coming out to family, Adam suggests gauging your family first, and if you do it, rip it off like a band-aid and expect some gossip. As he put it, "the people that stick with you are gonna be the most important people to you."
Communication at the Heart of It All
The podcast itself grew out of the couple's habit of open communication. On trips, Adam would pose hypothetical scenarios, and the conversations often ran for hours until Chris said, "We just need to record this." Listeners have written in to say they're learning to communicate more openly with their own spouses by watching the hosts, which Adam and Chris call the main reason they do the show.
Their poly years "wasn't the greatest" because they weren't prepared and lacked today's resources, and that gap inspired them to cover ethical non-monogamy broadly. Adam also playfully poked at the term "monogamish," noting that couples who enjoy the occasional three-way are, in his words, swingers.
Original webinar was live-streamed on SDC.com on Sunday, June 28th, 2026
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