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ASN's Ask Dr. Ziggy: Is There a Difference Between Older & Younger Swingers?

ASN Lifestyle Magazine Ask Dr Ziggy Swingers Lifestyle Age Differences
ASN Lifestyle Magazine Ask Dr Ziggy Swingers Lifestyle Age Differences
Does age matter in the lifestyle? ASN's Dr. Ziggy asked his community. Here are their answers.

Greetings, fellow swingers!

It's another issue of your favorite magazine, and we're back with answers to your questions. Remember, your questions don't have to be just on swinging.

I'm going to address a question that has come up in several of the Swingers Forums I visit on a regular basis:

Is there a difference between "older" swingers and the "new" crop of couple/singles entering the lifestyle? Now, I'm talking about AGE differences and not length of involvement in swinging activities.

Well, as a good researcher does, I put together a small survey asking that question exactly! Moreover, I wanted to know if there were differences in attitudes towards swinging context and activities.

Difference in Attitudes

Do you think there is a difference in attitudes between "new swingers" (under 45) and older swingers (over 45) and, if so, what is the difference?

  • "Yes, younger swingers are more vain and seek more physical reassurance and mental assurance, whereas more mature swingers already have that and are just looking for sexual contact."

  • "I think more mature swingers are more secure in their relationship."

  • "Yes, the younger generation seems more exhibitionist than older ones. It's more mainstream now."

  • "As older swingers, we find it is more about friendships and not as fussy about how perfect the other couple may be."

  • "There does seem to be more bisexual males among younger swingers, or at least a more open acceptance of it."

  • "Yes. As a person in the "older" category, it seems that the "new" swingers seek out quantity in their sexual encounters, where the older group seems to seek "quality" encounters instead."

  • "​More mature swingers tend to be less conscious of society's ​opinions, less PC. Most bi couples I know are at least in their mid-40s. Also, we look for different things. I find [as I'm] getting older, a ​social/cerebral connection is much more important than it used to ​be."

  • "The development of one's sense of self is the most profound change with age in this lifestyle."

  • "Yes. Older swingers tend to be more engaged as a committed couple and in the lifestyle. The younger swingers seem to be experimenting and not here for the "forever" and more into the odd date and play night."

  • "We're in the older category and have little experience with younger swingers. Just recently, we did play with a young (39) couple. There was no apparent difference in their attitude toward swinging or life in general."

  • "I think the older are still more "in the closet" and fearful of public ridicule. Also, the older men are less seasoned on the topic of consent and are more likely to touch without permission. The younger seem more open to sexual fluidity and are more likely to resist labels. Also, more couples below 45 seem to discuss consensual non-monogamy very early in relationships. They are also more likely to use condoms since they've grown up with this being a more above-ground conversation."

  • "Younger are more liberal in their sexual views."

Now, these are good examples of the type of answers we received. I chose those that reflected that of the majority of opinions. Overall, it seems that there are perceived differences between the "old" and "new" swingers, and those differences reflect a generational shift in social attitudes on expected behaviors whereas, with older swingers, consent was inferred and readily removed if someone stepped out of "bounds." With the "newer" swingers, consent has to be determined beforehand (and at each step of the sexual interaction). Also, and this something I can attest to; newer swingers are more concerned with the play interaction and less with the formation of possible friendships, etc. On the positive side, younger swingers are more accepting and accommodating of sexual fluidity, as it were.

Experience with Transgender Individuals

In keeping with the newer sexual denominations that have been introduced in today's sexual context, I asked the following question:

In your experience, how many transexual individuals have you met in the swinging lifestyle? Do you think transgender individuals are common in swinging? What is the impact on swinging activities and attitudes?

Some of the answers that represent the majority view:

  • "Only one, and it wasn't someone we played with sexually. Just became a friend."

  • "Met none. Not sure how common they are."

  • "To my knowledge, I have never met a trans person in the lifestyle. When thinking of the males that I know in the lifestyle, I don't honestly know how they would respond to a transgender individual. What impact does it have on swinging activities/attitudes? I think that there is the potential to have miscommunications and missteps during an encounter if there isn't clear dialogue prior to an encounter to ensure all aspects of safe, sane, and consensual norms are discussed."

  • "We met only a few. I don't think it's common, but it wouldn't surprise me if their numbers grow. My answer in one of the previous questions applies here — the one about people in communities of alternative sexual expression expecting us to be their enthusiastic champions."

It seems that transgender individuals aren't quite common in the lifestyle, but I don't think in most instances they would be repudiated or harassed (however, one never knows). Your choice of sexual partners is always yours as well as what turns you on or off.

I have some other interesting questions and responses to the survey, if you're interested, I'll post them in the next issue. I would love your feedback, opinions, suggestions, etc.


Thank you for reading.


Dr. Ziggy

This article originally appeared in the April 2019 issue of ASN Lifestyle Magazine.

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  • Anonymous
Aug 12, 2020
I've found that older swinging couples, who have also been in the LS for more than a year or two, anywhere from 40 that they seem to view their experience, and outlook as superior, and younger couples' (regardless of years in the LS) opinions are misguided and immature. We have always made friendships and connections but that does not mean physical connections. From those in their 20s to those in their 60s. My wife finds a younger appearance (not a specific range of dates found on birth certificates) more attractive. Yet many times we have been either shamed in person, or more often behind our backs for how she doesn't know what she is missing. That's no one's business but hers or ours. Yet we have turned down young men for not being her type and they have accepted it without attempting to presume flaws with us in a gossiping/slanderous manor. And our tastes and preferences will likely change over time - but that's our pace and choices to make, not someone else's to attest to us adhering to for "appropriate LIfestyle outlooks." So although there can be trends, which is why stereotypes and statistics have basis for, every couple or person is unique and brings their own outlook. Age is a number. Someone who is 50 is not automatically more mentally mature than a 30 year old, and a 30 year old does not automatically have the stamina and endurance to supercede his or her 50 year old counterpart. There is no guarantee, and I would urge all LS members to socially forgo applying any biases to their outlook on people simply due to an age. Get to know a person, not their drivers license.
Dec 07, 2019
Seems your writings are pretty much on point--i could go into a long essay--but for the most part--younger swingers seem more 'for the now' or 'playing along' or 'within' the lifestyle-but not directly involved in the lifestyle per se. Older swingers (45 older,as your distinction) are more comfortable within themselves as 'lifestylers', and/but being a more mature lifestyler comes with age, sexual background knowledge,a certain maturity and lifestyle related experiences with others.
Nov 15, 2019
So far I have been with younger couples and older couples, both experiences have been amazing, however there is something about older woman that I can’t resist. Maybe it is the experience? The less inhibitions? For what I have experienced older women are more open to try a more variety of scenarios.